About me: Powerwoman

That’s me! The better version of me! ;-)

Powerwoman is a go-getter in life.
She is able to juggle work and home with ease.
Powerwoman is a wonderful mother, and a great wife!
She is an activist and a feminist!

Whenever I need a bit of extra Powerwoman, I revert back to her!
Powerwoman always do the right things!
Powerwoman is also very opinionated, and always speaks her mind!
(I do love Powerwoman!)

This blog is about becoming a parent after the age of 40, the second time after 15 years. It’s all about new beginnings. Being a working mom and married for a second time. Mieka came 21 December 2008. The meaning of her name is “new fountain” in Japanese.

My life has been about new beginnings; coming from a bad emotional manipulative first marriage, but doing it again with a wonderful husband this time.
The teen keep us very busy, but we enjoy her with all her excitement about her life unfolding.
And of course: we are in awe of the new miracle of life. Baby keeps us very busy, but we are enjoying her going through all of the developmental milestones. Her dad thinks she is the most beautiful baby on the planet, ever!

I (Powerwoman) try to smile at some of the daily grind and rat race that we found ourselves in here at the south point of Africa. Very interesting times…

Where's Powerwoman?

The person who has lots of go, and energy, and activism, and health, and believes in so many things...

It feels like I lost my edge. I have lost Powerwoman!

 It must be there somewhere, but how do I switch back on the Powerwoman button?

I know my mojo disappeared with lost sleep, and a crying baby... It still feels like I am reeling after a very traumatic incident! I don’t know how people do it baby after baby? (*Bowing!*)

I did some checking, but it is definitely not burnout. Most of the points mentioned here is not how I feel at the moment. I actually still love my work and my personal life. But I know I need to give more attention to my health!

The burnout checklist:

• Feel emotionally and physically exhausted all the time.
• Want to be left alone.
• Haven't got the energy or interest in the things you used to do.
• Feel sad for no apparent reason.
• You are irritable and snap at people.
• Get into conflicts.
• Use alcohol and/or drugs to feel better.
• Work hard but accomplish little.
• Dissatisfied with work.
• Feel frustrated with work.
• Don't have much to look forward to in work.
• Have trouble sleeping because of worrying about work.
• Worry about work during off hours.
• Feelings about work interfere with personal life.

I like the suggestions they have for coping with burnout. That I can definitely incorporate into my life more. Especially the spa experience! (Hint-hint!)

Coping with Burnout (Burnout checklist)

• If you are in a toxic work environment, you'd better get out of it asap.
• Take time off - go on vacation, use up your sick days.
• Decide what you are going to do and act on it.
• If possible, take early retirement.
• Make sure you are eating healthy.
• Get enough sleep.
• Spend some time with people who are positive.
• Get involved in a cause that is meaningful to you.
• Make sure you have an outlet for your emotions e.g. a pet.
• Spend some time each day in quiet meditation.
• Treat yourself to a spa experience.
• Plan your time so you are not always in a rush.
• Learn to laugh. 

Amen to all!

Any more ideas on how to switch back on Powerwoman?

Babies and children - Powerwoman on her soapbox

As soon as you get pregnant, and you have you own baby, it is as if other children and babies matter even more. I can’t stand the thought of any baby or child being hurt, neglected or injured. I look at my own child and I cannot comprehend that anybody would harm such an innocent magnificent small person! Powerwoman gets on her soapbox immediately!
Two stories grabbed me this past week.

The story of Rent-a-Baby that was broadcasted on Carte Blanche is heart-breaking. I heard it on the news (we don’t have the full bouquet of channels). It is horrific! Mothers are hiring out their babies for as little as twenty rand a day to stand at intersections begging. This is a regular sight here in South Africa. Some babies have been found without food or water, passed out on the perpetrators’ backs. I have not been giving them money in any case, but it has strengthened my resolve to NEVER-EVER give them any money and not to feel GUILTY about it anymore!

The other story is the story of one year old baby Marzanne who was battered in a house robbery and who is now blind. Words fail me... It is very sad when stuff like this happens!

I do not like to watch stories where children are negatively impacted, but now we are hearing the real thing! Not all babies and children are being cared for as they should be... Sadly!
Powerwoman wishes for a society where our focus will turn to our most precious future: Our children!

Soap box tirades

Emotional abuse is not on! I think it is the worst kind of abuse! Because you can’t show the wounds! I have been stewing now for days with a bad aftertaste in my mouth. It was part of my previous life, and today I go into full battle mode when there is even the slightest breeze of emotional manipulation in the air!
Why do we keep quiet when we are caught up in the game? Do we need to play out the drama until we finally realize that it is not on? Or are we too proud or too ashamed to admit we are not being treated as we should be? I think that has been my reason for putting up with it for so long! Ten years, but ten years has passed since then as well. (Wow! It shows my age.) When I hear of a friend who has been subjected to it as well, I am amazed at how much the modus operandi shows similarities.
Partners that tell you and make you feel crap, AND tell you that you’re thinking are wrong. Partners who do not do their share, but make you feel guilty when you try to hold everything together. Partners who prevent you from being with your friends and family and wants to have 100% of you all of the time…
Enough of the bad stories! I am kicking the soap box back underneath the bed. Powerwoman do not dwell on the past for too long. Everybody has to make their own decisions about how long they want to play in their dramas! Thank goodness for friends and family who help you through the bad times! (I support you too, friend!)
Now my drama is about babies and dogs and teenagers and trying to cope with being a working mother and wife! Peanuts for Powerwoman! (Wink-wink, smile)
I wonder what type of dramas we keep playing that we could have stopped long ago?

Powerwoman sleep mastering

Dries said this morning: “Take it easy, and go in a bit later.”
“Why?”
“It was a very rough night!”
“Oh! I did not notice! It was the same as all the other nights. Maybe you woke up a bit more during the night?”
I am actually getting used to these blurs of night and sleep and breastfeeding…
It was a special BLESSING this morning when I could get back into bed at quarter to 5 to snooze until 25 past 5 this morning. Mieka woke us at 4 the last time.
Not sleeping is not such a big deal anymore. 10 months of not-sleeping training has paid dividends! I can function and fake a life as well!
Go, Powerwoman, go!

Photo: Mieka this weekend when Dries got her to sleep on the coach.

Powerwoman is on top of The Quickening

I need to step out into the fast lane, because it feels like it is going way too fast for me! Am I the only one, or are there other people out there also feeling as if everything is going much quicker than before?
I heard (have no idea where) that there is a quickening in time, but maybe it is only in my mind?
January is speeding by, and I haven’t yet started with my new year’s resolutions. My gym bag was packed this morning, but when I opened my car boot at work this morning…no gym bag. Sabotaging myself?
It also feels as if I can’t get up to speed at work as well. Something to do with the toddler waking us up every hour of the night? She has a bit of a cough.
But enough of the whining!
Powerwoman is here, in 2010! I am ready for you.
See me speeding by in the fast lane!

Time for the soapbox – financial responsibilities

It is 16 days of No Violence against Women and Children-time again. Of course, Powerwoman has to get on her soapbox. Especially after I heard of another sorry excuse of a dad who does not take care of his financial responsibility towards his child...

As you all know by now, I feel very strongly about dads who use violence of any sort against their families. In another life in another time I was caught up in an emotional manipulative relationship! That’s why I have an X... The X also did not contribute financially towards his daughter up until today.

To withhold money from your wife and from your children is a form of violence. To manipulate your “loved ones” (do you really love them?) by threatening financial repercussions is VIOLENCE against them. To not pay for your child when you are divorced from the mother is violence against the mother AND his own child. His own flesh and blood!

The sorry-excuse-of-a -dad of a friend’s child only has to pay R300 South African rands (42.74 USD; 27.35 GBP) in a month. It only buys about one bag of nappies and a can of formula!  That is absolutely nothing. Then they don’t pay the maintenance, but complains about access to their children. And the poor mother has to juggle her finances, cope on her own with the child 24/7, AND has to be available for whenever the dad feels he wants to see the child...

Somewhere the equation does not add up!

When you decide to have a child, you also decide to take care of that child. Don’t you? But somehow it does not seem as logical for some people. They can just shrug it off, and say that “money does not have anything to do with love!” Yes, I have heard that argument a number of times! Unbelievable!

In these 16 days of no Violence against Women and Children I want people to also think of the financial violence that’s happening all around us. It does not show up in bruises, and tell-tale signs of domestic abuse. In the end it is violence in a very physical way! Children are deprived of the best we want to give them. They are deprived of opportunities because we can’t pay for everything! Our children are deprived in a very physical way!

Does it not make the sorry-excuses-for-dads feel guilty? I hope it does!

Related posts:
Soap Box tirades
Powerwoman on her soapbox again

Doing the egg-dance – in a reconstructed family

Funny how the same conflicts creep up on us again… And how we get caught up in it, although we try to stay as far from it as far as possible. But is not always possible when you are a mother, and you are implicated by your relationship as a mother. Reconstructed families are not for sissies, I tell you!


(Even Powerwoman sometimes wants to go and hide in the cupboard when the “bombs” explode!)

The teen, who blames it on PMS (that bad bad monthlies), opened her mouth once again. We were all busy with the daily evening chores/bores, and we were all very tired. Mondays are the worst! We are the most exhausted after a lovely lazy weekend, and we struggle to get into the Grind again. (Don’t you find it the same with Mondays as well?)

Hubby had one too many back-chats, and he reacted!

Luckily I am married to an adult. We are able to work through our differences! I do the egg-dance, not trying to take sides. But I DO see both of the viewpoints, and understand where both are coming from. I don’t feel that I am successful with the egg-dance, but I do try… If I say I want to stay out of the conflict, it is also not acceptable…

And I understand – by default I am a mother, and responsible for behaviour of child. (The joys of motherhood! Smile)

Mother-in-the-middle has to talk to the teen, and she has to put up a united front with the Hubby! I have to remind the teen of how much her other Dad is doing for her – he doesn’t complain about driving her around. His pocket is open with regards to her, and he even makes her school lunches for her in the mornings. He treats her as his own daughter! (I’ve got a great Hubby!)

That is much more than she can say about her absent Dad...

I have to agree with Hubby as well that he has to be able to ask the teen to help out. He grounded her for the rest of the month. (Shame!)

I think we are doing it better as time goes on… We can sort out the conflict the same day. With tears! But we can go on and laugh again the same night!

Doing the egg-dance… doing the egg-dance…



Related post:


Reconstructed families and relationships

The surprised lactivist

Lactivist = lactation + activist


“Breastfeeding is a natural event and should be treated as such. Let's reclaim the life-giving tradition of nursing!” Lactivist

I am as surprised as anybody else that I am still breastfeeding. It works! Very well!

I never considered to breastfeed as long, as I had certain goal posts in mind, such as 6 weeks, 6 months, 1 year, and it just kept on shifting it further away…


In the meantime I gained more knowledge, such as:

- Breast milk adapts to baby’s and toddler’s needs. It does not diminish in nutritional value; to the contrary!

- Children get more intelligent the longer they breastfeed. (Yes!)

- Breast milk helps with keeping the immunity high!

- It is possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding.

- It is possible to breastfeed while pregnant.

- It is possible to tandem breastfeed a baby and a toddler.


The last three facts are fascinating to me, because it is not something that gets told in our Western Society. I know of many mothers who stop breastfeeding to get pregnant again.

I have come to cherish the breastfeeding relationship with my toddler as one of the best things I can do for her. It builds our relationship. It nurtures her into a strong independent human being. She does not have separation anxiety, or extra crutches such as dummies and blankets. (My teen had all the extra gadgets! I had to wean her when she was four months old when she did not want to take the bottle.) The best; she is very healthy! She did not get the flu this winter! (You go away, Murphy!)

With this I also do not want to make anyone feeling guilty. (Please, we have enough of that already!)

I just want it to become a possibility again in our society. It is acceptable and desirable to breast feed your baby and toddler for as long as they need it. We need to give the following generations a new mindset of thinking. Breastfeeding is better, and longer is even better! And it is not something to frown about, but something to aspire to!

By breastfeeding now for as long as possible, I am teaching my teen and my toddler that is a very viable option when they are going to have children. It only takes a generation to change a mindset!

[I am a lactivist! (You go, Powerwoman!) Wink smile]

17 months - toddler update

Drums: Dum-Dum-Dum-Ta-Dum! The toddler is 17 months today!


Quick update: (Why it is SOOOO nice that they actually grow up!)

- The sleeping is going better and better. We have more and more nights where Mieka sleeps until 5/6 in the mornings. (Ta-Dum! Our sleep deprived nights are getting fewer and further in between!)

- She has 12 teeth. We discovered an extra four in her mouth about two weeks back. Big bonus – we did not notice teething-relate niggles! (It was probably those few many nights we did not sleep through... Who knows?)

- The breastfeeding is working well. I am planning to continue until the two year milestone, or until Mieka decides to quit. I read somewhere (on KellyMom?) that when you wait for the toddlers to wean themselves it is usually between 3-4 years of age. (Gulp!) We’ll see! I did not expect it to last as long, but it is one of the most rewarding experiences ever. And the bonus – it is very good for them! (Pat on back! You go, Powerwoman!)

- Mieka got her MMR injection on Wednesday. She was two months overdue. She had a runny nose the whole time. I was also a bit apprehensive because of the link between MMR and autism, and because a lot of babies get sick after the injection. The teen got measles from the injection 15 years back! A doctor convinced me that it is better to get the injection sooner than later... (Thumbs crossed.)

- Mieka “told” me her first story this week. I was breastfeeding her, and she started to poke her eye, and saying something like “seer” (sore). I eventually deduced from that that she got sand in her eyes at day care.

- It is going very well at day care and the new class. She enjoys the activities and singing, and we can see the difference at home. (The “lights” are brighter!) She swings and rolls her arms while “singing”, and loves-loves building puzzles and blocks and sketching.

- She prefers spending time on our hips (big back-breaker at the moment (literally)): She gets us to take her finger, and as soon as she gets us up, she wants to be picked up while she directs us in the direction she wants to go! When she does not want to be put down, she folds in her legs, and no ways is it possible to get her to stand... (This too will pass.)

Oh, we love this little girl! She is a big pleasure in our lives! And she is growing up... Very quickly! (Big smile!)

Ways to beat Mondays

It seems I am always complaining about Mondays:
It's a Blue Monday
Blue Mondays and a Goggatjie-break
What do you say on a Monday?
One Groundhog day please! #parentingfail do-over

But there are ways to beat the Monday Blues:

- Have your birthday on the bluest of days. It will not stay blue!
- Take a day's leave from work or the normal rat-race-running.
- Get a partner-in-crime to take a day off as well!
- Drop the kid/s at school.
- Go for a long and big breakfast at a favourite restaurant.
- Go shopping, uninterrupted!
- See a movie!
- Do a coffee/tea/cappuccino.
- Get a scenic view and enjoy!

I did all of those, except the last point yesterday!
(We did the scenic view on Saturday at Glen Afric)

It was my birthday, and Hubby also took leave to spent it with me!
We did a lot of inner gloating of seeing everybody rushing off to work...

It was a great way to spend a birthday and forget about adding another number.
(I'll think of adding it again on another birthday!
Who needs a new number every year, in any case? So overrated!)

Bring it on, Monday!
Powerwoman has got you covered! ;-)
Now I can do a few more of you!

The toddler and socialising

The working mother always stresses about leaving her child in day care. But one thing she doesn’t have to worry about is the socialising of the child. Day care or crèche or play school takes care of all the socialising needs of the baby, toddler and pre-schooler. Dionna at Code Name Mama reminded me again today that that is something that a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom) have to be more aware off to ensure that their child is getting socialising skills. Maxabella also had something to say about mixing mamahood and work today - you have to deal wih the guilt that is a "permanent lodger".

Something that a working mother can check off! My toddler learns to socialise every day at day care! (Smug smile!)

On Tuesday I took the toddler and myself to the doctor. This year I can’t seem to shake the allergic sinusitis that’s been bugging me. And the toddler also struggles with it. We coughed terribly during the nights. The doctor wanted to book us off for a few days, but there is too much to be done. I asked her if it was okay if I took the toddler to day care. She said that it is not the ultimate solution, but that she understands. She believes in children going to day care because it is the best for their socialising behaviour. They do get sick more often – usually every two months – but that is something that is sorted by the time they go to school.

But I still felt bad when I went to drop the toddler off after that at the day care... (The working mother’s guilt!)

I have a teen that had to go to a day mother (and after that crèche) since she was three months old. She is now one of the best well-adjusted children that I know with regards her socialising skills. She is relaxed in every socialising situation and keeps her own. She has a lot of friends and we usually marvel about how easy she talks to anybody! Not how I remember myself as a socially akward child and teen who struggled through her school years. Luckily it got better during university...

Mieka, the toddler, also gets along with adults very easily. She does not shy away when somebody wants to engage with her. When I walk with her into day care in the morning, she starts saying the names of some of her class mates. One of the favourites is Ané. I hope that she will also benefit socially like her sister did.

(Powerwoman does the right thing! Yes, I need some positiveness today!)

(Photo: Mieka at Tiny Tumbles on Saturday)

Related posts:
 
A day in the working mom
The toddler - day care shuffles
Day care woes

Breastfeeding and Booby traps

There is wonderful breastfeeding advice on the Net. I wish I knew more of it when I started with breastfeeding 17 months back. I thought that there would be excellent help and that I would get wonderful support with regards to breastfeeding. Not so!

Best for Babes is an excellent website which talks about Booby Traps: cultural and institutionalised. (See the nice ad. I’ve grabbed it for the blog.)

Cultural is the stories and misconceptions and cultural myths that is being told by well-meaning friends and family and even other breastfeeding moms. How do you decide what works best for you? Or do you cave in with the first mention that your milk supply is not adequate? When your baby does not gain weight in a week? I struggled with all of these, but continued in any case.

In the beginning it felt like Mieka was stuck on my breast. We did not get a lot of sleep. My breasts were extremely sore. I asked for help from the sisters in the hospital, but nobody pitched to help me with the latching. There was a woman who came around twice who introduced herself as a lactation someone (I was too dazed to register) and I asked her twice to come and help me with the latching. She never came back. The clinic sisters were also more concerned about the weight gain than anything else. Luckily Mieka gained her weight every week in the very beginning.

Institutionalised is the help (no help) you get from the hospital /gynaecologist / paediatrician/ sisters and everything in the system. It felt more like something that was frowned upon than something to be congratulated for. Which all breastfeeding moms should be made to feel!

Powerwoman votes for huge accolades going to each and every mother who breastfeed and tries to continue for as long as possible!

Luckily I had a husband who supported me, and who did not feel threatened by the relationship between mom and baby. What a joy to be able to still breastfeed the toddler of 17 months which is tomorrow). I am very glad I persevered!

Related posts:
- Breastfeeding the toddler - positives and negatives
- Big heads and breastfeeding
- Breastfeeding blues

The pout

Lately the toddler has been walking around with a pouty mouth. She pulls her mouth into pout while she is busy playing or calling the dog, or mermaid-speaking... Luckily it is not an expression of unhappiness! (I hope!) Maybe it is the teeth; that same teeth that get blamed for everything when our Precious One is feeling out of zinc.


Like now! She’s sick again. Only three weeks after the last bout of upper respiratory infection. It is the same slimy stories again... We are getting sick and tired of it! She is coughing with a runny nose, wheezy chest, and vomiting because of all the phlegm. We are exhausted already, because the fever rears its ugly head during the night!

I am beginning to think that the day care plays a big role with Mieka getting sick on a regular basis. Woking mother complaint, again! But we will just have to deal with it. I remember that the teen also got sick quite a lot, but when she started with school, she had built up an immense immunity. She did not get sick during the important school years.

Powerwoman, and Hubby, will just have to deal with it in the meantime. Luckily we share in the sickness duties as well. (Thank you, thank you, thank you, Hubby!!)

We went on a real date today. We dropped Mieka off with my parents, and the teen went to see the boyfriend playing rugby. We went to see the popular Avatar. It has been showing for ages (and ages), but we eventually got there. In 3D! It was a blast. The last time I saw something in 3D, we got the paper goggles. Today we got real plastic goggles! (Pandora makes earth look bleak in comparison. We GOT the environmental lessons as well! Amen!)

Afterwards we said to each other: We loved going to the movies on our own, but maybe we should have gone home to sleep... that elusive sleep!
Thumbs for sleeping tonight! (Wishful smile!)

To keep the toddler safe from harm

It sometimes hits me straight in the pit of my stomach! The depth of how you want to protect your babies and your children! The knowledge that you can’t be with them all the time...

If you let the feeling fester, it can become very scary!

I am talking about the previous day when Mieka got hurt at the day care. Accidents happen, especially where the toddler is involved. She is busy, busy, and busy! It happens all the time that she gets hurt, even when we are right there. I remember the time when I was taking a picture, and she had a fall right in front of me...

It happens! But we feel angry that our toddler got the big scratch on her face. And now the day care is telling a different story than the previous day. (Their days are limited! I am beginning to look at other options.)

Thanks to all of you who have commented yesterday. Yes, I know we have to listen to our gut feelings!


I don’t want to over-react, and I know that there are always some issues that make one uneasy when you ask somebody else to look at your child. I also don’t want to take Mieka out of the security of a well-known environment if it’s not necessary. But, I need to feel secure in my knowledge that she will be safe.

I know and believe that they have “angels” looking after them! How many times do they fall and get hurt, without really getting hurt?

Now I am done complaining. There are more options to explore, and lots of day care centres!

(Powerwoman to the rescue!)

(Photo: Mieka on Sunday)

Lost children

I was booked off sick for two days. It did me a whole lot of good! I actually got to read a whole book by Aher Arop Bol, The lost boy. In the past 20 months I did not get that much time for book reading. My book stack is growing and growing of books to be read!

Aher Arop Bol is the real life story of a Sudanese refugee boy who lost his parents and landed up in refugee camps in Sudan with his uncle when he was three or four. He had to fend for himself for fifteen years. He made his way through Africa in search for education, and always for word of his parents. He got some education in the camps, also in Zimbabwe, and lastly in South Africa. He met Sannie Meiring in Pretoria who helped him to write the book.

Of course, I bawled my eyes out! I am looking through the haze of my contact lenses right now!

I am thinking today of all the children who have lost their parents, and who struggle for survival every day. As long as there are refugees, there are stories like these for each and every one of them. But the children get to me the most!

We have a small little person in our lives that we only want the best for. Our lives revolve around her! Who look after all these children without parents to fend for them? It touched me that Aher Arap Bol said that the kindness of strangers helped him to survive. I hope we will be able to BE some of those strangers when presented with the same situation... (Look more closely to the people selling that stuff on the street corners.)

(Powerwoman on her soapbox-post)

Powerwoman on her soapbox again

A work colleague, Paulette Tshiredo, whom I unfortunately only knew from her sunny face in the corridors, has died recently because of domestic violence. Very very sad!! It happened last week at the start of 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children.
I hate this word “Against”. It gives energy to whatever comes after the word, and makes it persists. Therefore I will not say it again!
I know of so many women who found themselves in a position where their power are taken from them, or chiselled away. Sometimes we do not know what to call it, or we do not know how to get out of it. I also found myself stuck in such a situation.
To feel that you are not being treated as you should be or that you know this is not how it is supposed to be in a relationship…
That’s why I have an X (the cancelled one). I came to the realization that the only one who can do something about my situation was I. Which I did with lots of willing help from my family and friends! My daughter has also drawn the line, and I am proud of her for taking a stand!
We MAY say we will not allow a certain type of behaviour, and we are responsible for how people treat us!
I vote for a 16 Days of Activism for Peace and Empowerment to Women and Children! Who votes with me?

Keep flying the flag

We are a country who is proud of what we have done with the Fifa World Cup Soccer 2010. It doesn’t happen often that we are proud of anything. It is maybe linked to our history, and maybe linked to our inborn way of raising our children. Which then becomes of way of operating – we do not like blowing our own horns. We are not known to give praises, and when we give praise it is usually with a “But, you could have done better…”

(Something that I have to work on as well with my children!)

But we have done well! The call is out for everyone to keep on flying our flag. I have decided that I will wear my proudly gear every Friday until the end of the year! I am proud as well! South Africa has shown that we are capable of pulling off something this big! Maybe, just maybe, we will be able to pull it through to address our own social problems…

I saw on the Johannesburg newsletter that they are advocating the Keep Flying website where we can download email signatures as well as the Keep Flying flag icons. We will keep them flying to say that we as a country remain changed forever!
Powerwoman says we can do it!

Dysfunctional Dad

I get the following message on Sunday from the woman married to the teen’s dad (the X – Cancelled One). Powerwoman has been on my soapbox in my head again ever since...


The message (translated):

...this sms I am sending which nobody knows about, but to ask you, no to implore you to ask Arnia to soften her heart towards her dad. I do not expect or ask that she spends weekends or holidays. I also have children and know that at this age they’ve got their own lives. I ask for making contact... coffee, or a restaurant meeting here and there. I know he has made mistakes. But I also know the one thing that kills him and that is not seeing his child. Please, Karen, you are a parent just as I am, and I am sure you can imagine what pain he must go through by not seeing is child. I would not be able to handle it, would you be able to? I could have send Arnia a sms, but I am sending this to you because we are the parents no matter how old they get. Please talk to her, and answer my sms. Thanks.

I did not answer her, and I am not going to. There are so many things at play here. At first glance you would think “Poor Dad!” BUT! There are REASONS why some children do not want to have contact with their dads.

Arnia decided all on her own at age 15 and a half (she is now 17) that she only wants to see her dad when he’s made some changes in his life. A very scared young lady sat at that time next to me, and read out some things that need to change. She came up with her own list. She decided enough was enough after he had his wife by the throat after her night out. She was in tip-toe mode around her dad, and had to make sure she gave him 100% attention, or she got some sort of repercussion! Events when she was being thrown around for “not given attention” (his own words) to him; just a few days after she had her appendectomy. Or having to listen to rants and raves when he had to pick her up when she was out with friends...

She asked that he be her Dad and not her friend. That he goes for anger management counselling, and see a therapist. She asked that he gives her time to be with her friends, and not complain when he as to pick her up. The dad saw it as demands which he is not obliged to fulfil. “Children can’t make demands on parents!” (Yes, they can!)

He has never tried to make things better. Or to change! Everything must come from the other party. It seems as if he is the wronged person, but in reality he has created his own mess. I support my daughter for her decision. The X does not contribute in any way towards his daughter. He and his wife say that money and love has got nothing to do with each other. I disagree! How wonderful to have all the fun and the good times with your children, and not contribute towards the stuff that is needed...

Why should his wife speak on his behalf? Why does he not make an effort and try to make things better? Why does he not start making a monetary contribution towards his daughter?

No, it is still all about HIM, the narcissist!

Sleep woes continue

I have been reading Tasneem at MumDrum's sleep woes. I was patting myself on the back, saying that we have it a little bit easier. Not so!


As soon as we start to think that the toddler has a sleeping routine and that she is sleeping right through, everything changes! Murphy’s Toddler’s Law?

Most recent sleep stories:

- I sit with little Missy Toddler in her room, reading a book, and then breastfeeding her until she falls asleep.

- I try to put her in her bed.

- The legs start kicking, and she arches her back. (Swear-worthy moments!)

- In the end she ends up in our bed – for the whole night!

- I am much smarter now. I start the bedtime routine in our bed, and as soon as she is asleep, I carry her to her bed. (I think I have a 10% success rate at the moment. Sigh!)

- Hubby usually takes over at nine when I struggle to get her to sleep (from half past seven or eight at night). I miss him terribly tonight – he is not here, and I was not able to do anything else! (How do the single moms cope? I know, I ask this on a regular basis. You rock, single moms!)

- I do not have a problem with our toddler sleeping with us. But it is extremely uncomfortable hanging for dear life on the side of the bed, usually with only half or a fraction of the blankets covering us. The rest she kicks off as soon as we place it over her!

- Last night was extremely taxing. At one in the morning we were taking her temperature. Yes, she had a bit of a fever, and we had to put in a suppository. The tenth day flu/fever after the MMR injection?

- My most favourite wish at the moment – to sleep, and sleep, and SLEEEEEP!

- I know we will experience this most wonderful, precious gift of sleep somewhere in the future! Hang in there, Powerwoman!

(Photo: Mieka at the hockey game on Saturday where the teen played at her school.)