I wore black, and I will be doing it again

I know it doesn't help the people who have died, and the people who have been raped...
But I wore black last Friday!
Powerwoman on her soapbox again!

I believe that it does not really help marching against something, and that it actually just keep on focusing on the negative! Mother Theresa also said that she would always march for peace, but not against violence.

But I wore black in solidarity with everybody who thought and pleaded and shouted against the senseless murders and the senseless rapes of women. Women who most recently got a face through Reeva Steenkamp and Anene Booysen.

Sometimes we need to speak out against something! Something that is not right! Something that is not working in our society!
How can we stand by and only watch when these things are happening?

Some of us are "luckier"or "smarter", and we think we won't be confronted with it.
I was one of them!

I did not know when I got married that I would be afraid in my own home...
That I would put up a fake smile because I was shown a gun with a silencer...
That I would go in hiding because I was afraid of my life and the life of my child...
That I had to tip-toe around my own words, afraid that the wrong word could trigger a violent verbal outburst that would explode...

That's why I am an advocate for initiatives like Speak Out.

There are reasons why you should not stay, and the earlier you acknowledge them and make a decision to not put up with unacceptable behaviour, the better for all!

We are all stronger than we think we are! We can say no! We can walk out! We can stand up, and we can speak out!

We can only make a difference in our own lives, and the lives of those we touch, but one step at a time!
We can do better than this!

We can show our children there are better ways!
Our girls should not tolerate abusive behaviour from their partners.
Our boys should not be shown the way to handle life is with guns and violence!

The only way is by living the way we want to see the world!
We cannot stay in an abusive relationship, and then try teaching our daughters differently!
We cannot keep guns, and live aggressively, and not show compassion. And then think our boys will do it differently!

It starts with us...

Where's Powerwoman?

The person who has lots of go, and energy, and activism, and health, and believes in so many things...

It feels like I lost my edge. I have lost Powerwoman!

 It must be there somewhere, but how do I switch back on the Powerwoman button?

I know my mojo disappeared with lost sleep, and a crying baby... It still feels like I am reeling after a very traumatic incident! I don’t know how people do it baby after baby? (*Bowing!*)

I did some checking, but it is definitely not burnout. Most of the points mentioned here is not how I feel at the moment. I actually still love my work and my personal life. But I know I need to give more attention to my health!

The burnout checklist:

• Feel emotionally and physically exhausted all the time.
• Want to be left alone.
• Haven't got the energy or interest in the things you used to do.
• Feel sad for no apparent reason.
• You are irritable and snap at people.
• Get into conflicts.
• Use alcohol and/or drugs to feel better.
• Work hard but accomplish little.
• Dissatisfied with work.
• Feel frustrated with work.
• Don't have much to look forward to in work.
• Have trouble sleeping because of worrying about work.
• Worry about work during off hours.
• Feelings about work interfere with personal life.

I like the suggestions they have for coping with burnout. That I can definitely incorporate into my life more. Especially the spa experience! (Hint-hint!)

Coping with Burnout (Burnout checklist)

• If you are in a toxic work environment, you'd better get out of it asap.
• Take time off - go on vacation, use up your sick days.
• Decide what you are going to do and act on it.
• If possible, take early retirement.
• Make sure you are eating healthy.
• Get enough sleep.
• Spend some time with people who are positive.
• Get involved in a cause that is meaningful to you.
• Make sure you have an outlet for your emotions e.g. a pet.
• Spend some time each day in quiet meditation.
• Treat yourself to a spa experience.
• Plan your time so you are not always in a rush.
• Learn to laugh. 

Amen to all!

Any more ideas on how to switch back on Powerwoman?

Time for the soapbox – financial responsibilities

It is 16 days of No Violence against Women and Children-time again. Of course, Powerwoman has to get on her soapbox. Especially after I heard of another sorry excuse of a dad who does not take care of his financial responsibility towards his child...

As you all know by now, I feel very strongly about dads who use violence of any sort against their families. In another life in another time I was caught up in an emotional manipulative relationship! That’s why I have an X... The X also did not contribute financially towards his daughter up until today.

To withhold money from your wife and from your children is a form of violence. To manipulate your “loved ones” (do you really love them?) by threatening financial repercussions is VIOLENCE against them. To not pay for your child when you are divorced from the mother is violence against the mother AND his own child. His own flesh and blood!

The sorry-excuse-of-a -dad of a friend’s child only has to pay R300 South African rands (42.74 USD; 27.35 GBP) in a month. It only buys about one bag of nappies and a can of formula!  That is absolutely nothing. Then they don’t pay the maintenance, but complains about access to their children. And the poor mother has to juggle her finances, cope on her own with the child 24/7, AND has to be available for whenever the dad feels he wants to see the child...

Somewhere the equation does not add up!

When you decide to have a child, you also decide to take care of that child. Don’t you? But somehow it does not seem as logical for some people. They can just shrug it off, and say that “money does not have anything to do with love!” Yes, I have heard that argument a number of times! Unbelievable!

In these 16 days of no Violence against Women and Children I want people to also think of the financial violence that’s happening all around us. It does not show up in bruises, and tell-tale signs of domestic abuse. In the end it is violence in a very physical way! Children are deprived of the best we want to give them. They are deprived of opportunities because we can’t pay for everything! Our children are deprived in a very physical way!

Does it not make the sorry-excuses-for-dads feel guilty? I hope it does!

Related posts:
Soap Box tirades
Powerwoman on her soapbox again

Doing the egg-dance – in a reconstructed family

Funny how the same conflicts creep up on us again… And how we get caught up in it, although we try to stay as far from it as far as possible. But is not always possible when you are a mother, and you are implicated by your relationship as a mother. Reconstructed families are not for sissies, I tell you!


(Even Powerwoman sometimes wants to go and hide in the cupboard when the “bombs” explode!)

The teen, who blames it on PMS (that bad bad monthlies), opened her mouth once again. We were all busy with the daily evening chores/bores, and we were all very tired. Mondays are the worst! We are the most exhausted after a lovely lazy weekend, and we struggle to get into the Grind again. (Don’t you find it the same with Mondays as well?)

Hubby had one too many back-chats, and he reacted!

Luckily I am married to an adult. We are able to work through our differences! I do the egg-dance, not trying to take sides. But I DO see both of the viewpoints, and understand where both are coming from. I don’t feel that I am successful with the egg-dance, but I do try… If I say I want to stay out of the conflict, it is also not acceptable…

And I understand – by default I am a mother, and responsible for behaviour of child. (The joys of motherhood! Smile)

Mother-in-the-middle has to talk to the teen, and she has to put up a united front with the Hubby! I have to remind the teen of how much her other Dad is doing for her – he doesn’t complain about driving her around. His pocket is open with regards to her, and he even makes her school lunches for her in the mornings. He treats her as his own daughter! (I’ve got a great Hubby!)

That is much more than she can say about her absent Dad...

I have to agree with Hubby as well that he has to be able to ask the teen to help out. He grounded her for the rest of the month. (Shame!)

I think we are doing it better as time goes on… We can sort out the conflict the same day. With tears! But we can go on and laugh again the same night!

Doing the egg-dance… doing the egg-dance…



Related post:


Reconstructed families and relationships

5 Things-tag: Stuff I like about me

Cat at juggling act of life tagged me. Thanks, Cat, you gave me a headache! ;-) My photo’s are on 3 computers, and before that – photo’s of a previous life! It will have to do what I have on this computer now…

1. 5 pictures of myself that I really like (including listing 5 things of myself that I really like):I am including two of our wedding day in 2004. I love new beginnings and new lives!
I like the fact that I am able to adapt to new situations very easily. This was a great day in my life! (Check our slim versions! Smile)

Hiking in the Berg (Drakensberg Mountains) – this photo was taken in 2006. A great activity I only discovered in my 30s and Dries was a willing participant. I like the fact that I could be adventurous, again. We are planning a next excursion very soon!

My daughters are a big deal in my life. I like myself being a mom.

(Patrick Pretorius Photography)

The belly dance photo: I like the fact that I put myself out of my comfort zone, and I actually enjoyed it! (I was 8 months pregnant at the time.)

2. Tag others:

I am supposed to tag 5 bloggers today. I have tagged 8 fellow bloggers yesterday.

Whoever reads here, consider yourself tagged! ;-)

About me: Powerwoman

That’s me! The better version of me! ;-)

Powerwoman is a go-getter in life.
She is able to juggle work and home with ease.
Powerwoman is a wonderful mother, and a great wife!
She is an activist and a feminist!

Whenever I need a bit of extra Powerwoman, I revert back to her!
Powerwoman always do the right things!
Powerwoman is also very opinionated, and always speaks her mind!
(I do love Powerwoman!)

This blog is about becoming a parent after the age of 40, the second time after 15 years. It’s all about new beginnings. Being a working mom and married for a second time. Mieka came 21 December 2008. The meaning of her name is “new fountain” in Japanese.

My life has been about new beginnings; coming from a bad emotional manipulative first marriage, but doing it again with a wonderful husband this time.
The teen keep us very busy, but we enjoy her with all her excitement about her life unfolding.
And of course: we are in awe of the new miracle of life. Baby keeps us very busy, but we are enjoying her going through all of the developmental milestones. Her dad thinks she is the most beautiful baby on the planet, ever!

I (Powerwoman) try to smile at some of the daily grind and rat race that we found ourselves in here at the south point of Africa. Very interesting times…

Our dear Education Department

Powerwoman on her soapbox: The standard of education in South Africa is atrocious.
I cringes regularly about not being able to put my daughter into a private school. The teen came to show a questionnaire they had to complete for the subject Life Orientation. The goal was to gauge their positivity and they had to get the highest score possible.

I am quoting a few of the pearls of wisdom (with the scores assigned to each answer):
Do you lock away value bills before you leave on holiday?
Always (1)
Sometimes (2)
Never (3)
If you were to loose your keys in the supermarket, will you get it back?
No (1)
I hope so (2)
Yes of course (3)
Would you trust an ex-convict?
I am not sure (2)
No (1)
Yes (3)
I you were to step on a nail do you think it will hurt your foot?
Yes (1)
No (3)
Not sure (2)
Do you save up money for the future?
Always (1)
Never considered doing it (3)
Yes a small amount (2)
Do you hope to win something in a lucky draw?
No (1)
Yes (3)
Not sure (2)
Do you think that a person should have a life assurance policy?
Yes (1)
No (2)
Yes, a small one (3)
Do you enter competitions where you can win prizes?
Often (3)
Never (1)
Now and then (2)

100-125 U are farley optimistic and has a warm and positive outlook on life. You no that life has its ups and downs but don’t expect bad things to happen to you.
Below 60 Why do you get out of bed You properly think that life is not worth living.”


I have quoted verbatim. The incompetent person/s that drew up the questionnaire did not even use a spell checker.
It could have been funny, but the joke is on us! Our children get sub-standard education from the Gauteng Education Department…

Powerwoman sleep mastering

Dries said this morning: “Take it easy, and go in a bit later.”
“Why?”
“It was a very rough night!”
“Oh! I did not notice! It was the same as all the other nights. Maybe you woke up a bit more during the night?”
I am actually getting used to these blurs of night and sleep and breastfeeding…
It was a special BLESSING this morning when I could get back into bed at quarter to 5 to snooze until 25 past 5 this morning. Mieka woke us at 4 the last time.
Not sleeping is not such a big deal anymore. 10 months of not-sleeping training has paid dividends! I can function and fake a life as well!
Go, Powerwoman, go!

Photo: Mieka this weekend when Dries got her to sleep on the coach.