For the Over 40 Mothers - a free tribute e-card

Celebrate Motherhood over 40 Mothers' Day e-card

I did have a child over 40 years of age, but you tend to forget it in the normal rat-race that we are in....

There is nothing like having a little kid in your life that makes you forget your own age!
Until you get reminded of it again! :-) (Thanks, Angel!)

A Child After 40 has launched a beautiful tribute album for Mothers' Day 2013 to reveal the true faces of the rising number of over-40 moms.

MOTHER'S DAY 2013: 

True Faces of Rising Number of Over-40 Moms Revealed 

In a bid to dispel unfounded, negative stereotypes regarding maternal age—and uncover the real benefits to children of the dramatically rising population of women having children after 40—AChildAfter40.com is launching the "The Over-40 Mother's Day Album", via social media. 

A leading advocacy website for later mothers, AChildAfter40.com says the free online gallery is set to reveal the true faces and authentic voices of the growing ranks of women creating “a mother of an evolution” at the very heart of the Western nuclear family. MORE

Web:  http://www.achildafter40.com 

Email:  angel@achildafter40.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AChildAfter40

Twitter: https://twitter.com/achildafter40  

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/AChildAfter40 

.

SHORT FILM: NEW DOCTORS PANEL SPEAKS CANDIDLY ON LATER MOTHERHOOD!

FlowerPowerMom

FlowerPowerMom today announces the upcoming launch of INFORMED CHOICES FOR LATER MOTHERS: What Women Should Know About Fertility, Birth and Parenting After 40 with the release of a 2-minute film trailer revealing key highlights. 

It's the first multidisciplinary panel of doctors and experts to speak candidly on the controversy surrounding later motherhood.

It will premiere on MOTHER'S DAY, 13TH MAY 2012 at www.FlowerPowerMom.com —the advocacy website for later mothers—in a short film featuring experts from reproductive endocrinology, obstetrics, Chinese medicine, clinical-child psychology, adult psychotherapy and bioethics.

The new panel, first of its kind, calls for change in how we understand and deal with the skyrocketing population of women around the world having children after 40.

WATCH the short 2-minute trailer NOW by clicking on the FPM homepage: www.FlowerPowerMom.com.

For more information, please contact:
Angel LaLiberte, Founder
Informed Choices for Later Mothers at www.FlowerPowerMom.com
Email: editor@flowerpowermom.com.

Prejudice, What Prejudice?

Angel La Liberte, Mom of two

I was just contemplating being the older mother, and saying that I think it doesn't matter that much when you have to get down in the nitty-gritty of child-rearing, when I got this guest post from Angel La Liberte... It is apt to publish as is. They are doing great work at Flower Power Mom.
                                                           
By Angel La Liberte, Founder FlowerPowerMom.com—The Truth About Motherhood After 40 (http://www.flowerpowermom.com/)
Real mom stories, expert advice forums, and the first online community to empower women on the journey of motherhood after 40.



When HalaGorani, CNN anchor during my Mother’s Day interview, implied that our brave new maternal world—now teeming with first time mothers over 40—had outgrown ageism, I was taken aback.

Not that I criticize her for it, but she was seeing the issue from her own perspective—that she had many mature mom friends. Surely, the issue of discrimination against mothers based on their age is now passé?

I have to admit that, recently, I’ve received a few emails from moms in their mid-to-late 40’s who’ve told me that they’ve experienced nothing but support and acceptance from neighbors, friends and other moms.

Could they be the moms whose genetics come with built-in Botox?

Or have we just come a long way since the 80’s test-tube baby and the hills are alive with the tender seedlings of social acceptance for midlife motherhood?

After all, what choice did they have? Like I’ve said all along, you can’t stop a flourishing army, nor is there any point in closing the barn door after the horse has bolted.

What do I mean by that exactly? We’re in the midst of a mini-midlife mom baby boom. Ergo, through sheer growth of numbers—a 6% increase in birthrate for women over 40 in the last 2 years to be precise—the reality of mature motherhood is a fait accompli.

But do I think the general public was rushing out to meet us with flowers and love letters as if we are visiting royalty?

Hardly.

The maternal age thing has been rammed down their necks in the supermarkets, the schools and the parish churches. In short, as Moose A. Moose puts it—everywhere we go.

I still believe that, generally speaking, our society has a deep-seated discomfort with mature motherhood that has nearly birthed itself into an official cultural taboo.

That reality was driven home to me yesterday when I was our A Child After 40 online community board and a member chimed in with the latest “grandma story.”

The 49-year-old mom was with her twin toddler girls when she visited the restroom at a department store. A woman, who was applying her lipstick in the mirror, glanced over at the girls and smiled.

She commented that they were beautiful and added: “I have ten of my own—grandchildren are such fun, aren’t they?”

When twin-mom began to hint at the truth, the stranger beat a hasty retreat.

Just in case we have a few head-scratchers, here’s a definition of prejudice:

prej•u•dice (prj-ds)n.


a. An adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts.


b. A preconceived preference or idea.

So, was HalaGorani right? Is social discrimination against later life motherhood virtually extinct? In my opinion, the jury’s still out.© Angel La Liberte

The older mother

Some mothers walk with the older-mother-chip on their shoulders.
“I am an older mother; therefore I know better!”

(We all know them! I have been amazed to hear the “wisdom”!)

We are strongly reminded when we are over 35 and when we want to get pregnant, or are pregnant, that there are problems up ahead! Our fertility and the health of our babies are at stake...

When we finally hold that baby in our arms, we know it is more than a miracle!

But from there it is my contention that being a mom does not change with your age!

We are all mothers, trying our utmost to do the parenting thing! Parenting has changed so much in just a few years! I am parenting my toddler totally different than I did with the first-born. We cannot say we know “better”, because there are new ways of doing the parenting thing! And our thoughts and ways are changing all the time.

And when you are a mom, no matter what age, you are expected to get down and “dirty”. Playing in sand, climbing the dunes, catching the toads, driving the truck (see photo)... Our children do not know the difference, and they do not give us off for being older!

I catch myself forgetting that I am an “older mother” most of the times!  I love having the opportunity again to be a mother, and to see life anew through innocent eyes!

We are the lucky ones! For being Mom! Period!

Do you feel different because you are an older mother?

The Yin and the Yang and 40 Awesome Blogs for Midlife Moms

Life is strange. You always get the up with the down. The Yin and the Yang! Just yesterday I discovered that my blog is being plagiarized on a great scale by someone ripping it off word-for-word, as well as using my photos of the Toddler as their own. I find it very upsetting, and I am going to do something about it... (Threat! You better take it off, you lazy Thief! This is my life!)

And then I get an email of being included in a list of  40 Awesome Blogs for Midlife Moms! Awesome!

Bouncing back... It is a great list, and I am already reading a couple of them!

I must admit that I sometimes cringe at the "midlife" bracket! I am not there yet!! No! NO!

Yes, I am older, but in the end we are all women and mothers, doing it the best we can!
Although, I do think that I have acquired some extra wisdom (of course, Yes!) with the extra years which helps big time raising the little one again! (wink smile)

(Picture: Microsoft Clip Art)

Mother's Day

My 2 beautiful daughters

It is wonderful to be a mother! Today we spent the day with family, and I felt grateful for the opportunity to have a mother whom I can be grateful for, and to be a mother!


Thank you, Mother, for now we know how difficult it has been to raise us! The sleepless nights, driving around with a baby at ten at night (which we did just now), the worries ... (long list)! We also know how extremely awe-inspiring and satisfying it is to see a little one grow up into becoming their own unique beings!

It is such a cliché! (Gag, gag!) Being a mother has made me gone soft and mushy and saying “CUTE!” to every baby I see. (Meaning it really! Really!) By becoming a mother, you also succumb to all the soppy! And loving it...

How we have fallen! (Smug smile!)

The whole of Johannesburg rocked up at the Sappi Sunday Picnic Concert at the Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens! It was a lovely sunny day, with picnic and music. The Girl Zone band entertained us with popular tunes. There were children everywhere... It was a perfect family outing. My own grandmother (of eighty more years) came with as well, and it was inspiring to see that she enjoyed it! You go, grandmother!

I am planning to also be “game” for everything when I am older! WE don’t ever have to be “old”! (Please remind me when I forget about this in future years, my daughters.)

Attachment Parenting

I only heard about attachment parenting after Mieka was born. The Mommaliscious Mamma’s site was one of the places where I first became aware of the style of parenting.
We have been doing most of it instinctively.

Because I am an older mom, and also doing it a second time, I think I have gained some insights that I did not necessarily had when I was younger. I know we don’t have to enforce a strict code on a child to force her to confirm to certain behaviours. We are all individuals – why should we force our children into a certain mould?

Some points mentioned:
- Having a natural, peaceful childbirth and bonding with the baby through rooming-in at the hospital – I missed the opportunity for both of my babies, and I am sad to this day that I (and my babies) could not experience this. I blame our medical system for not allowing more freedom with regards to birth choices. In the end you are too scared (health wise for yourself and your babies) to demand or seek a different scenario.
- Breastfeeding the baby on demand as opposed to a schedule – This one I can tick off. I could only breastfeed the eldest until she was four months old. I was breastfeeding her on schedule every four hours, with safety pins on my blouse for the side on which to breastfeed first the next time around. I am still breastfeeding my 15 months old toddler. It was a bit difficult in the beginning, because it felt like she was breastfeeding the whole time, but it has passed already. She now comes and lays her head on my chest when she wants a feed. I am trying to go until she is two years of age. Very rewarding!!
- Answering baby's cries quickly (not letting baby "cry it out") – We don’t let Mieka cry, but try to see what the problem is. I had to let my eldest cry (her dad, my X’ rules), and I think it let to behaviour problems like bedwetting, attachment to a blanket and her thumb; and being scared at night. Crying is their only means of communicating, and what do we tell them when we don’t respond to that? That they are not important? I want Mieka to know that she can trust in people and in life!
- Wearing the baby as much as possible using a sling or baby carrier – We used a carrier sometimes, but Mieka was mostly in our arms. She loves sleeping in our arms – even to this day!
- Having baby with you as much as possible (avoiding baby sitters if possible) – I have to work, but I was fortunate to spend time with Mieka until she was nearly five months before I had to drop her off at day care. But we still don’t like leaving her for other reasons. We much rather take her with us where we are going, and put the movies and functions on the backburner for a while.
- Having baby sleep in your bedroom (either in your bed or in a crib next to your bed) so you can respond quickly to baby and he can adjust to your sleep cycle – We tried to sleep with Mieka in our room, but found that she could get a much better rest in her own room. But we could not have done it without Angelcare. Whenever she wakes up and she doesn’t want to be put down in her own cot, she lands up between me and her dad in our bed. This seems to happen more regularly now… Yawn! We are tired! Very, very tired! (This too will pass! This too will pass! Smile)
- Avoiding using material items sooth baby such as pacifiers, swings, strollers, etc. – “By offering yourself to comfort baby, baby learns to form strong human attachments” – We have done this instinctively. Interesting, because the Sleep books encourage parents to introduce pacifiers etc. …
- Balance – Sometimes it is difficult to find a balance, and we feel a bit overwhelmed. But, as an older parent, I KNOW that we will fondly reminiscence about times when our little ones were small and they shared our bed with us. It goes past in a blink, and there is nothing more fuzzy warm special than a small little hand lying across your shoulders when waking up in the morning!

About me: Powerwoman

That’s me! The better version of me! ;-)

Powerwoman is a go-getter in life.
She is able to juggle work and home with ease.
Powerwoman is a wonderful mother, and a great wife!
She is an activist and a feminist!

Whenever I need a bit of extra Powerwoman, I revert back to her!
Powerwoman always do the right things!
Powerwoman is also very opinionated, and always speaks her mind!
(I do love Powerwoman!)

This blog is about becoming a parent after the age of 40, the second time after 15 years. It’s all about new beginnings. Being a working mom and married for a second time. Mieka came 21 December 2008. The meaning of her name is “new fountain” in Japanese.

My life has been about new beginnings; coming from a bad emotional manipulative first marriage, but doing it again with a wonderful husband this time.
The teen keep us very busy, but we enjoy her with all her excitement about her life unfolding.
And of course: we are in awe of the new miracle of life. Baby keeps us very busy, but we are enjoying her going through all of the developmental milestones. Her dad thinks she is the most beautiful baby on the planet, ever!

I (Powerwoman) try to smile at some of the daily grind and rat race that we found ourselves in here at the south point of Africa. Very interesting times…

MA stocktaking

(MA is mother in the Afrikaans language, but also an abbreviation for Magister Atrium)

Arnia has started with her exams – THAT time of the year already! The students have started even earlier. It made me think with a tinge of regret about my Master studies I had to give up on this year. I started with my MA in Information Science in 2006 already, but it went very slow. I am not the best student, especially when I am not bound to time-limits… Last year I struggled to complete it, because I was constantly tired during the pregnancy! I thought it would be a breeze when the baby was here, because then I could work while she was sleeping. Surprise! Mieka did not sleep the expected four-hourly breaks like her sister did 15 years back… We have not been sleeping since, although it is going much better than in the beginning!
When I read L K’s blog yesterday about the horse she had to let go, I came to the realization that we as parents all have to let go of something! I asked Dries as well, and he says it is the freedom of not having to plan - being routine less!
But we LOVE the little one, and don’t mind giving up some of our goals, or belly dancing, or horses, or hiking, or non-planning (Dries). We will do whatever (don’t think it will be studies for me) again and we will plan less again!
The students used to have a saying when a student got pregnant: “She got her MA-degree.” I got mine at 41!
Photo: Mieka last night with her doll. (I tried my utmost to get a photo of the first three teeth, but it’s impossible. Smile)

Belly dancing

Zahara, my belly dancing teacher, sent me a sms today: “Hope you are well? We all miss you at dancing! Will we be seeing you soon?”
I am ignoring it, but I’ll have to phone today to ask if I can postpone the classes until next year. I am trying to sidestep a sense of loss, but it seems I have to throw in the towel for now. The loss of a wild side, that exotic belly dancer I used to be. In your dreams, sister! But it was nice to hang on to the vision! I have a feeling that my days as a “belly dancer” (not that I am a great belly dancer - sigh) is coming to an end. Doing the belly dancing thing has made me feel different and challenging to get outside of the box. In the past two months I have been promising to go to the belly classes. I have even paid upfront for the classes. But I find it very difficult to leave Mieka for two hours a night, especially during the crunch hour when she gets her bath and goes to sleep. I am constantly reminding myself of my age, and when I stop doing something, it feels as if it is the last time I will be able to do it. Being over 40 makes you more aware of time and your own limitations. (I feel aged when reading the last sentence. Maybe I should delete it as a way of using the ostrich tactic?). But having a baby also feels as if the world has come to focus on only the one source of energy, the baby.
Luckily I know from past experience (15 years back), that I will get through the focus-on-baby phase, and that life will be there, waiting for me to rejoin. For now, I will put my belly dancing costumes back in the cupboard, but I promise myself I will shimmy again…

Photo: Last year, October 2008 at the Belly show, when I was 8 months pregnant with Mieka

Expressions

I am a bit sad today. I have been contemplating to stop expressing milk at work, but yesterday it came to decision time. I have been struggling to remember every day to express at exactly the same time. If I did not do it on the minute, my milk takes long to “come in”. Yesterday my milk did not come for both times. So I had only a measly portion of milk to send to school today. It becomes very stressful. The day mother also told me that Mieka does not like drinking milk, and mostly prefer her food. So, from now, I will only be giving her the breast at night, and early before she goes to the crèche. Because I am sad already, I wonder what I am going to do at the end of the year when I am planning to stop breastfeeding altogether?

Baby milestones

It is strange how we as mothers fall into the trap of comparing our babies and their milestones. I remember a time I told a friend that I can’t understand why we compare, because we are all different unique human beings. But we find ourselves doing the same. A week ago Dries came home and told me of a friend’s baby boy who is three weeks younger, and he is crawling already. We were immediately concerned because Mieka complains when we put her on her stomach, and she is not rolling over as yet. The baby books say she is supposed to be turning already at 8 months. Now we are doing extra exercises each night with her… (Smile)
But I marvel at the way we get excited about the smallest little things Mieka does. She started to wave a week ago, and now she is clapping hands. Great joy and wonder! A friend of us have send us a sms last night saying that her baby got his first tooth, and we all got excited about it. Why can’t we be as excited and in awe about everything in life? I think we can, and it is as easy as making the decision!

"Wizened" mom

Being a mom over 40, I smugly believed I knew it all, and had done it all. I was prepared and in charge of the new arrival. Shocker! Mieka is a different baby, and apparently she did not read the same manual as me. (Sic) The sleeping has been a challenge since the beginning. Arnia, now 16, slept through the night very early on. We still haven’t mastered the same with Mieka. In the first few weeks it felt more like she was awake the whole time, as she was in a one and half hour cycle. Some nights we are lucky, for example last night, when I put her down to sleep before eight. But then she woke again after nine and me and Dries had to take turns trying to get her to bed again. She slept from ten until half past two, and that was great. I was struggling with the baby monitor at four, wondering why it was not registering the screaming, when we realized it was the neighbours’ baby across the road. That kept us awake until Mieka woke up again at five. Not a bad night, but night after night the same waking schedule is busy taking its toll…
Also I am still worried about her development. I thought I would be more relaxed about the whole idea of children developing differently, but now I worry because she is not rolling or crawling yet.
I realize I am not “wiser” being older or doing it again and that I have to tackle the challenge, Mieka (smile), in a different way. My resolution not to feel guilty for the things I can’t change is helping, especially since I have put it in black and white.
Luckily we have the Internet nowadays for researching, I am on mailing lists and we have wonderful gadgets to help with the baby. I thought at first that the gadgets are a waste of money, but now I am a big supporter of every little help we can get. For example, I know now with clarity that we should have bought a swing/vibrator thing to help with the sleeping…
Being older has humbled me – about the joy and miracle of having a baby, but also the realization that I do not know everything!

Mother's guilt X2

I spend the weeks longing for the weekends and more time with my daughters, and come weekends it just flies by. I usually plan to work in the house and garden as well, and at the end of the weekend I must again admit defeat. It is not possible to be and do everything, and I must let go of the idea that I have to do everything and get to everything. Who made up this rules? It is we, and I am changing it right now. Smile, as easy as that!
I have a Practica manual as well, and most of the time it just makes me feel guilty for not doing optimally the stimulation I am supposed to at this stage in Mieka’s development. It is a wonderful tool aimed at stimulating a baby from birth to 7 years. Decision: From now on, I will not feel guilty, but will read sometimes from it, and do some of the suggested activities from it with Mieka. Smile again, as easy as that!

Now I will enjoy my time with Mieka. She is 8 months already, and cuther than cute! I can say that, because it is not my doing. I am just amazed at what she is be-ing, and be-coming. Decision: I will enjoy her!