I am ignoring it, but I’ll have to phone today to ask if I can postpone the classes until next year. I am trying to sidestep a sense of loss, but it seems I have to throw in the towel for now. The loss of a wild side, that exotic belly dancer I used to be. In your dreams, sister! But it was nice to hang on to the vision! I have a feeling that my days as a “belly dancer” (not that I am a great belly dancer - sigh) is coming to an end. Doing the belly dancing thing has made me feel different and challenging to get outside of the box. In the past two months I have been promising to go to the belly classes. I have even paid upfront for the classes. But I find it very difficult to leave Mieka for two hours a night, especially during the crunch hour when she gets her bath and goes to sleep. I am constantly reminding myself of my age, and when I stop doing something, it feels as if it is the last time I will be able to do it. Being over 40 makes you more aware of time and your own limitations. (I feel aged when reading the last sentence. Maybe I should delete it as a way of using the ostrich tactic?). But having a baby also feels as if the world has come to focus on only the one source of energy, the baby.
Luckily I know from past experience (15 years back), that I will get through the focus-on-baby phase, and that life will be there, waiting for me to rejoin. For now, I will put my belly dancing costumes back in the cupboard, but I promise myself I will shimmy again…
Photo: Last year, October 2008 at the Belly show, when I was 8 months pregnant with Mieka
