Thursday, 6 October 2011

About fathers and unfathers

A father died very unexpectedly last Saturday.

He left behind three children from a previous marriage that now has to go on in life without his presence…

(Stuff like this really happens!)

No matter what the circumstances at the time, it will leave a mark…

It made me think about another father who has written himself out of his daughter’s life. Would she feel guilty when her father dies unexpectedly?

The questions that needs to be asked:
  • Would it made a positive impact in her life when she reconnects with him again?
  • Would she be less scared of him this time around?
  • Would she be able to not tippy-toe around him when she is with him?
  • Would she be able to do her own teenage and student things when she is with him, or will he still demand 24/7 attention?
  • Did he change his behaviour?
  • Did he go for anger management counseling?\
  • Does he work?
  • Does he contribute financially towards his new family?
  • Does he contribute financially to help her with her studies?
  • Did the emotional manipulation come to an end?
  • Would the daily conversation be about a future of possibilities – for her and more in general?
  • Would I feel that she is going into a safe environment?
I cannot answer “yes” on any of these questions!

(The unfather does not understand that it is in the power of his hands to change! No, it is always somebody else who is to blame!)

The question: Would she feel guilty when her father dies unexpectedly?

No, and No again!

(Picture: Microsoft clip art)


  1. Definition of "father" :

    - a safe place
    - a place of mutual respect
    - a place to foster growth
    - a springboard into life at it's best

    No biological connection needed.

  2. Dit is hartseer...maar pa wees is ver meer as bloed.

  3. Hey Karen,
    we seem to have more in common than I even thought. My oldest son (17,5)has an 'unfather' I regret to say. And I also remarried the best, kindest man in the world, and had another baby with him. He's a great stepdad to my oldest, so very fortunate and happy!


I love to hear your comments :D

Subscribe via email

Blog Archive



Blogarama - Friends & Family Blogs