Thursday, 25 August 2011
Reconstructed families are not for sissies
WITH the extra baggage of ex-partners and ex-periences!
Luckily I married a very responsible adult who made it easy for us to work through the pitfalls of a second marriage. I agree that it also was much easier for me having the child, and that he had to make much more of an adjustment...
My husband showed me how it should be done! I am very grateful to him and that he showed my daughter how a husband and father should behave in a marriage.
There are a few things that help when before plunging into an undertaking of this nature:
- Make sure you agree on how you are going to handle the children.
- Lots and lots of talk on discipline before the time.
- It is much easier to leave the discipline to the biological parent.
- My husband taught me that the non-biological parent needs to get involved 100% as a parent.
- The original reluctance of the children dissipates when they feel that the other person cares for them, and takes on the role of another parent in the household.
- Both partners need to be adults.
- Always show a united front to the children. (Handle your differences away from the children.)
- Handle all children equally. E.g. when you give money to your own children, also give the same amount to the other children.
- Love them all!
- Try not to bad-mouth the ex-partners in front of the children.
- Try to make sure that the children get a space of their own and feel part (welcome) in the home.
- Involve all the children in the decision-making when it concerns the whole family.
- Attend all the functions and award evenings of ALL the children.
- Love them, even though they are not your own. Love is a verb, and not an emotion! It is a decision!
- Spend special time with each of them on a regular basis.
- Enjoy them!
Do you have more tips for a reconstructed family?