Wednesday, 2 September 2009

10-year Celebrations

I was reading Yvonne’s blog, about her husband’s infidelity and divorce, when the realization hit me that it’s been 10 years for me as well. On the 29th of August 1999 I walked out of our house with just a few of me and my daughter’s belongings. I was walking out of a marriage where emotional manipulation of a husband who was not working was part of the daily routine. It was a scary time with X (cancelled one) threatening to kill us, and me having to get interdicts against him. We had to hide, and I had to make sure my daughter was safe. Two weeks later when I went to fetch my stuff, X prevented me from taking it. At that stage it was very traumatic to lose everything, but later on I could describe it as one of the most liberating things of my life.
Today it’s 10 years later, and it feels to me as if I am telling stories about a previous life, one from which I reincarnated from.
I remember putting a smile on my face whenever the X came into the room. I was not feeling like smiling at that stage, because usually we were financially cash-strapped with X not working, but I did not want to provoke him. X also showed me his gun after he had put on a silencer. Why do you put a silencer on a gun when you want to shoot at thieves? X also demanded 100% undivided attention, and complained when I watched television or did the washing. I coped by getting into a mode of asking X if I could do the washing or whatever. And in the meantime X was at home, but not contributing financially or doing anything about the daily chores. The things you do for peace…
My daughter came to the same conclusion last year that she did not want to see X as well. It was after X grabbed his current wife by the neck in a fight. I heard in counseling that she also had to ask her dad for permission to go to the toilet or to do her homework. She was on edge the whole time to please X, and he also demanded her undivided attention. She even got a hiding – at 15 years of age - just after she had her appendix taken out for not giving X attention. (X told her that was the reason).

And now, I am married to a wonderful husband, who is working and doing his share at home as well. The ultimate 21st century man! We have been married for 5 years already, we have a beautiful baby daughter together and we have a teenage daughter which brings us great joy! Now my only trials and tribulations are contributed to not sleeping because of the baby, and trying to cope with the loss of grey matter (Brain bubble).
Just now, I had to go and order a new company card. Between last night when I left the building with the card, and this morning when I was responsible for a car queue in the parking area, I had lost the card. And the card was supposed to stay in the car. The mind boggles what I could have done with it…

1 comment:

  1. I get goosebumps remembering those days. I remeber having Arnia in the car with me, and telling her to duck her head, in case her dad was standing in the street- ready to take a pot shot. Awful times and hard years which followed. I also often thought about the stuff you lost. In the end - they where all just amterial things, but you kept you body and soul in tact. You kept "KAREN", and that was more precious than anything else.
    I am so glad to see that you have such a happy, reconstructed family.
    We both sure did way better 2nd time around!!!


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