Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Little girls can be so mean


She has a best best friend, a BFF, a favourite buddy she loves so much!

But this little girl has been mean to her since they became friends when she was only three. They were in the same class for two years, before we sighed a sigh of relief in the beginning of this year when they were finally split into separate classes. But they still see each other on the playground, and at after care...

Sometimes they play for days and everything is fine! Until the other girl decides that she's had enough, and she shuns our little girl. She tell her that she ugly and "eew" and do not want to play with her any more.
It seems that she has the upper hand in the friendship and that she calls the shots.

It breaks my heart! I have been feeling sad for her since yesterday afternoon when she told me that she was walking all on her own on the playground and the friend and nobody else wanted to play with her...

My daughter tells me that she knows she is a bully, but she still wants to play with her!

She makes plans the whole time of how to get the friend back:
She will invite her to her party, and she will be able to sleep over at our place.
She will give her the best cake at the party.
She will arrange a play date.
She will give her some of her lunch box.
(And I know she does that, because I had to ask the teacher to make sure that the other girl does not take all her food!)

A friend send me this pin today, without knowing about the most recent unhappiness! The four steps sounds like a very good idea that I am going to try!

Little Girls can be mean (Pinterest)

THE FOUR STEPS

Observe. Watch your child as a social being in a new way and how she responds to conflict
Connect with your child. “I notice that when your friend Katie leaves, you start fighting with your brother a lot. Are you sad that she’s leaving?” Help your daughter begin to notice things. You want to give empathy but NO problem solving. You’re setting yourself up as her partner. You’re becoming a team.
Guide. When you really are connected, together brainstorm and list all the things you can do to deal with the bully. All your ideas are valuable – even sending the bully to the moon. Write up a whole list of possibilities. What this does makes it seem like there are many solutions. That it’s not an insolvable problem.
Support the Act. Help your daughter choose one of two things herself that she’s going to do. Then role play what she’ll do. P.S. SHE chooses – NOT YOU says Anthony because your daughter is building inner strength inside herself. If the idea doesn’t work, go back to the list and choose another.
                                                                                - Imagination Soup 


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4 comments:

  1. I think you should follow these four steps, mom. It's time that this little girl's bullying stops, because it's been ages that Mieka is complaining about her. Breaks my heart, as well.

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  2. We have a very similar problem. I'm kind of holding my breath that N makes some new and positive friends in big school next year. This feels like one of those things that she has to figure out for herself somehow.

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  3. This is something that amazes me to this day. I only realised how cruel little girls are when Bianca started school. It seems as nothing changed over the years and that is just plain sad. I hope that you can teach Mieka to become bully proof.

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  4. mmm did I press enter on an unfinished comment?

    Anyway we had this issue with K - there was a girl who would be BFF's with K today and not tomorrow - it effected a lot of the girls in the grade and went on for 2 years before the other girls kinda just let her do what she wanted without it effecting them.

    Its hard though, as a parent, to deal with it.

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