Bullying: We are stronger than we think!

I was alerted to Elsa’s website, Stronger than you think, by Lynette (A work in Progress) who is her sister. Elsa’s daughter disappeared with a friend, and was only found 4 days later. (This is of course great news!)
All because of bullying at school!

They knew that her daughter was unhappy and that she was bullied, but they were hoping to sort it out with the school. This did not have a satisfactory result.

Elsa has learnt a couple of lessons along the way. I am also worried about the girl politics at school and the fact that little girls can be so mean to each other! We get feedback on a daily basis about the ugly things the little girls say to each other! It makes Little Miss very unhappy!

Elsa wrote me the following, and she agreed that I can share it on my blog:

“Since I started making noises about the prevalence of bullying and what I perceive to be the inability or unwillingness of the school staff to deal with it, I have had a lot of responses from all over the world... it is quite overwhelming.

I am hoping that the website I am setting up will be a place where people can find encouragement, support and maybe some help/advice for dealing with their own situations. 

Three of my four children have had to deal with bullies. My son has been the only one subjected to physical bullying. We spent quite a bit of time on phone calls to and meeting with the principal and teachers. Unfortunately there was very little done about it, but we most certainly made a lot of noise. My son is no longer being bullied. Not because they stopped being bullies but because he started Muay Thai which has given him the confidence to stand up for himself.

Both my daughters were subjected to verbal bullying directly and through the spreading of rumours as well as cyber bullying. My eldest dealt with it by facing up to them, but my youngest is a marshmallow who could not deal with it at all - she became so paranoid that she no longer felt safe at home, even. She ran away with a friend and was missing for 4 days. It was hell. Since her return we have moved her to a private school and she is also seeing a counsellor. We are hopeful that she will be able to deal with any new problems in the future. 

I am sorry to hear that your daughter already has to deal with other mean kids. I unfortunately don't have any fool proof answers as to how to stop it. Emma (my youngest) was teased and insulted daily when she was that age. It broke my heart. Unfortunately the only thing I could do was to counsel her not to resort to the same bad behaviour, to avoid the nasty girls as much as she could and to tell the teacher when she felt she couldn't cope with it. My husband and I raised the matter with the school several times and insisted that something be done about it, with no noticeable results. Eventually they found someone else to pick on and left her alone. There is no feeling of victory in that, is there?

As a parent, you have the right to insist that the adults where your child is attending keep her safe. You may be able to reach out to the parents of the children involved - hopefully they will be receptive. Quite often they are not, but it is worth a try. You can also look into your legal rights and whether you can involve the police.

I thought I would mention to you what a friend of mine's gorgeous child is doing, because I think it is a brilliant idea.  She started a colouring-in club at her school (she is 9). This provides a place for children who do not feel safe during break times to get together and participate in activities. She started the club about a month ago and now has 21 children who regularly participate. Her mother, I and a few other people are providing the supplies. It is inexpensive and effective. So at least for now those little ones are safe from their tormentors.”


Thanks Elsa!

I was just reminded again that we can’t ignore these things or tell our children to ignore it!
We have to act and to help them to handle the bullies! I love the idea of a colouring club!


Elsa is based in Australia, but the problem of bullying is a worldwide one!
You can help Elsa by sending details of where to get help in your own country:
elsa @ stronger than you think .me
Elsa's website is also going live next Tuesday, and it will be worth checking out more stories, including an interview with Kitty who started the colouring club at her school.


Related post: 

- iSchool giving Young SA a Voice to speak out against gender based violence #endGBV

Little girls can be so mean

She has a best best friend, a BFF, a favourite buddy she loves so much!

But this little girl has been mean to her since they became friends when she was only three. They were in the same class for two years, before we sighed a sigh of relief in the beginning of this year when they were finally split into separate classes. But they still see each other on the playground, and at after care...

Sometimes they play for days and everything is fine! Until the other girl decides that she's had enough, and she shuns our little girl. She tell her that she ugly and "eew" and do not want to play with her any more.
It seems that she has the upper hand in the friendship and that she calls the shots.

It breaks my heart! I have been feeling sad for her since yesterday afternoon when she told me that she was walking all on her own on the playground and the friend and nobody else wanted to play with her...

My daughter tells me that she knows she is a bully, but she still wants to play with her!

She makes plans the whole time of how to get the friend back:
She will invite her to her party, and she will be able to sleep over at our place.
She will give her the best cake at the party.
She will arrange a play date.
She will give her some of her lunch box.
(And I know she does that, because I had to ask the teacher to make sure that the other girl does not take all her food!)

A friend send me this pin today, without knowing about the most recent unhappiness! The four steps sounds like a very good idea that I am going to try!

Little Girls can be mean (Pinterest)

THE FOUR STEPS

Observe. Watch your child as a social being in a new way and how she responds to conflict
Connect with your child. “I notice that when your friend Katie leaves, you start fighting with your brother a lot. Are you sad that she’s leaving?” Help your daughter begin to notice things. You want to give empathy but NO problem solving. You’re setting yourself up as her partner. You’re becoming a team.
Guide. When you really are connected, together brainstorm and list all the things you can do to deal with the bully. All your ideas are valuable – even sending the bully to the moon. Write up a whole list of possibilities. What this does makes it seem like there are many solutions. That it’s not an insolvable problem.
Support the Act. Help your daughter choose one of two things herself that she’s going to do. Then role play what she’ll do. P.S. SHE chooses – NOT YOU says Anthony because your daughter is building inner strength inside herself. If the idea doesn’t work, go back to the list and choose another.

                                                                                - Imagination Soup 


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- The first feedback in Grade RR