Poetry of a Hobo Mama - We are never alone

Poetry of a Hobo Mama
Lauren Wayne

I am reading my first poetry on my Kindle, which is Poetry of a Hobo Mama, the first three years, by Lauren Wayne.

I am really enjoying the honest look into motherhood. I have been following Hobo Mama's blog for a very long time. (She is in my blog list.)

I love her honesty as well as her excursions with attachment- and natural parenting style.

The poetry is a raw and honest account of pregnancy, miscarriage, birth, babies and motherhood. As she accounts her struggles to read and to go out to the theatre and do the things they used to do before baby, she also writes about her love for her baby and her husband.

I am copying one of the poems. One of the most poignant life-altering changes that new parents have to cope with. "Mothers are never alone" But is also a reminder to me that mothers also share the same journey, and in that we are never alone!

It helps to read about another's journey in motherhood.


Mothers are never alone

I don't have that space anymore
a hole to fill
left to my thoughts
or devices
or skin.

Even visits to the bathroom
accompanied always
by someone to talk to me
and demand his due.

Like a queen
on a throne.

Like a queen
with courtiers
and chamber servants
and everywhere a face
everywhere a voice.

Only it is I
who serve them.
                                    April 2010


Poetry makes it sound so much better!

Adult tantrums

Now that I see The Tantrum on a fairly regular basis, I realize that there are most lots of adults who did not get a hold on them when they were young!

Don’t we all get the occasional tantrum when we

• “AAARGGG!”-scream

• Throw a book/cup/etc.

• Bang a door/desk/keyboard.

• Go into a raging monologue?

Is it possible to learn how to handle our emotions and to get a grip on that emotional outburst!
Of course, yes!

That’s why we have such a responsibility in the toddler years to teach our children how to handle that overflowing bursts of emotions.

I think that by trying to put a lid on it, we do not deal with it correctly. Putting a lid on it is when we punish the toddlers and prevent them from going through the whole process. Sometimes it is good to let them rage...
We should also try to teach them how to channel it. There are so many great articles available of strategies. Dionna at Code Name Mama wrote a great guest post at Good Goog about parenting strategies which sums it up for me! It is not about disciplining, but about loving and honouring the development phase in which the child finds himself at!

I am of the opinion that if we approach it in this way we will have less Tantrum Queens and Tantrum Kings around us!

What do you think? Do we go into emotional overdrive because we were not allowed to have those tantrums when we were young?




Related post:
How to survive the terrible tantrum

Seemingly unsupported fears in toddlers

The past two weeks have been a bit of a struggle with regards bath time. The toddler says each time it is “warm” which mean too hot! It is impossible that we make it too hot, because we have a small temperature meter that we use.

She used to love her bath time, and we are always very careful not to use the word “bath” if we are not ready to go and bath her. Because she starts climbing the stairs as soon as we announce it’s time for her bath...

Not now! All of a sudden she is afraid it is going to be too hot, and she doesn’t want to get into the bath. When I put her in, she doesn’t want to sit down. And washing of hair has become a big screaming session!

I tried to take it very slow tonight. I made sure the temperature of the water was even beneath the correct temperature reading. It was a cold bath! And I put in some bubbles.

I let her stand, and focused on the bubbles and toy boats being covered by the bubbles. She was still upset with me when I washed her hair, but enjoyed the bubbles. In the end she was sitting in the bath, not wanting to get out...

It reminded me again of how easy it is - on me and on her - when I try to address her fears in a natural way, and not forcing her to sit down in a bath when she doesn’t want to... I could have screamed at her, or I could have given her a hiding for not wanting to bath. But not I nor she had to get upset at each other. I much rather prefer this way of parenting!

Fears that toddlers/children have, may seem unreasonable to us, but it must have some foundation. Rather address the fears in a natural and non-confrontational manner, than not acknowledging them at all...

Just an ordinary mother

About Mommy blogs and the Internet. We know things we did not know we had to know about being mothers and parenting and babies and toddlers. And when we don’t know, we can ask a whole worldwide community of knowledgeable mothers! Mothers have so many choices now.

 I find myself feeling guilty most of the times when I read about all the high aspirations of parenting methods. There are the Authentic Parenting style, the Natural Parents, and the Attachment Parenting websites. Unschooling dot com and Gentle Disciplining. Code Name Mama has even decided not to expose her child to the whole Santa myth, and her arguments are very sane.

Then the guilt tripping sets in. Maybe we should do it another way!? The green parents also make me wish I could be a better greenie!

I try most of the times just to juggle being a mother, and to work as well!

Sometimes we are so tired when we get home, we declare it a McD’s night out. Horrors, yes! We feed our children a McDonald’s hamburger every now and then. I even ask for the toy that comes with the food because I think it is some of the cutest toys ever. Now I hear it encourages bad eating habits... Guilty!

We do Christmas with Santa because we think it is a whole lot of fun! And it cultivates a special family tradition for the little one.

Luckily we also get validation of some of our parenting styles. Sometimes when the baby (now toddler) is more in our bed, I think about all the benefits of co-sleeping and don’t stress about it. The same with spanking which we don’t do – gentle disciplining takes care of that!

The other day I thought to myself that one of my New Year’s resolutions should be that I should relax about my own parenting style. I am an ordinary mother trying to juggle life! I try to aspire to be more mother and parent and working mother, but I give myself permission to just be ordinary. Sometimes I will live up to my aspirations, sometimes not. I love reading and will keep on reading about all those great parenting styles!

Now I am an ordinary working mother. That is totally OKAY for me!

Ring around the sun today

Ring around the sun -
photo taken in Auckland Park

The teen phoned me during her lunch break at school today.
“Ma, check out sun today! It’s got a ring around it! It’s caused by ice crystals and the clouds.”

I had to run out, and got a picture as well on my cell phone of the ring around the sun.

Her excitement about a natural phenomenon made me think about how we should get more excited about stuff like this! The more we as parents get excited about our natural world, the more we will inspire our children as well!

I love it! The teen thought of her mother to call to share in her wonderment!

In earlier times we could have thought it was the end of the world! Or aliens landing! (Wink smile)

Now we know it is a natural phenomenon, and we can appreciate it for all its natural beauty!

My Monday started bad with lots of traffic headaches. Especially after a great camping weekend! But the ring around the sun lifted my mood. It somehow connected me with the earth again.

How is your Monday?

Disciplining the Naughties

I was reading HT’s blog post about her decision to do things differently with her girls from now on – to teach them respect for other people... We sometimes have to back-track, and do things differently with regards to parenting.


I have made a decision that I want to use a different parenting technique with regards to disciplining. The natural or attachment parenting way makes just so much more sense to me now that I am older. I want to reward and focus on the positive, and not punish by hitting or by any physical means.

But the old bad habits seem to seep in if we don’t check them. Whenever Mieka got hurt, I slapped or hit the “guilty” object: “Naughty chair!” She caught on very quickly, and were hitting as well. It is a technique, and it works short term...

“Naughty floor!” Slap-slap!

“Naughty table!” Slap-slap!

Dries remarked that it is actually not very nice, especially when she started to hit us as well!

“Naughty Papa!”

I had to conquer! It does not work when we try to instil a discipline where violence is not part of it, but we are hitting at stuff when it is “Naughty!”

It was not at all difficult to change everything to “Kissing”!

She hits her head: “Poor Mieka, let me kiss the head!”

Kisses showered! And it works magically, every time!

Scary! We have to be very vigilant with regards to our way of doing things. What else do I do “wrong”, or fall back into default mode? Retorical question to self! It needs to be answered every now and again.

What have you caught yourself doing “wrong” with regards to parenting?