Poetry of a Hobo Mama - We are never alone

Poetry of a Hobo Mama
Lauren Wayne

I am reading my first poetry on my Kindle, which is Poetry of a Hobo Mama, the first three years, by Lauren Wayne.

I am really enjoying the honest look into motherhood. I have been following Hobo Mama's blog for a very long time. (She is in my blog list.)

I love her honesty as well as her excursions with attachment- and natural parenting style.

The poetry is a raw and honest account of pregnancy, miscarriage, birth, babies and motherhood. As she accounts her struggles to read and to go out to the theatre and do the things they used to do before baby, she also writes about her love for her baby and her husband.

I am copying one of the poems. One of the most poignant life-altering changes that new parents have to cope with. "Mothers are never alone" But is also a reminder to me that mothers also share the same journey, and in that we are never alone!

It helps to read about another's journey in motherhood.


Mothers are never alone

I don't have that space anymore
a hole to fill
left to my thoughts
or devices
or skin.

Even visits to the bathroom
accompanied always
by someone to talk to me
and demand his due.

Like a queen
on a throne.

Like a queen
with courtiers
and chamber servants
and everywhere a face
everywhere a voice.

Only it is I
who serve them.
                                    April 2010


Poetry makes it sound so much better!

Just an ordinary mother

About Mommy blogs and the Internet. We know things we did not know we had to know about being mothers and parenting and babies and toddlers. And when we don’t know, we can ask a whole worldwide community of knowledgeable mothers! Mothers have so many choices now.

 I find myself feeling guilty most of the times when I read about all the high aspirations of parenting methods. There are the Authentic Parenting style, the Natural Parents, and the Attachment Parenting websites. Unschooling dot com and Gentle Disciplining. Code Name Mama has even decided not to expose her child to the whole Santa myth, and her arguments are very sane.

Then the guilt tripping sets in. Maybe we should do it another way!? The green parents also make me wish I could be a better greenie!

I try most of the times just to juggle being a mother, and to work as well!

Sometimes we are so tired when we get home, we declare it a McD’s night out. Horrors, yes! We feed our children a McDonald’s hamburger every now and then. I even ask for the toy that comes with the food because I think it is some of the cutest toys ever. Now I hear it encourages bad eating habits... Guilty!

We do Christmas with Santa because we think it is a whole lot of fun! And it cultivates a special family tradition for the little one.

Luckily we also get validation of some of our parenting styles. Sometimes when the baby (now toddler) is more in our bed, I think about all the benefits of co-sleeping and don’t stress about it. The same with spanking which we don’t do – gentle disciplining takes care of that!

The other day I thought to myself that one of my New Year’s resolutions should be that I should relax about my own parenting style. I am an ordinary mother trying to juggle life! I try to aspire to be more mother and parent and working mother, but I give myself permission to just be ordinary. Sometimes I will live up to my aspirations, sometimes not. I love reading and will keep on reading about all those great parenting styles!

Now I am an ordinary working mother. That is totally OKAY for me!

Disciplining the Naughties

I was reading HT’s blog post about her decision to do things differently with her girls from now on – to teach them respect for other people... We sometimes have to back-track, and do things differently with regards to parenting.


I have made a decision that I want to use a different parenting technique with regards to disciplining. The natural or attachment parenting way makes just so much more sense to me now that I am older. I want to reward and focus on the positive, and not punish by hitting or by any physical means.

But the old bad habits seem to seep in if we don’t check them. Whenever Mieka got hurt, I slapped or hit the “guilty” object: “Naughty chair!” She caught on very quickly, and were hitting as well. It is a technique, and it works short term...

“Naughty floor!” Slap-slap!

“Naughty table!” Slap-slap!

Dries remarked that it is actually not very nice, especially when she started to hit us as well!

“Naughty Papa!”

I had to conquer! It does not work when we try to instil a discipline where violence is not part of it, but we are hitting at stuff when it is “Naughty!”

It was not at all difficult to change everything to “Kissing”!

She hits her head: “Poor Mieka, let me kiss the head!”

Kisses showered! And it works magically, every time!

Scary! We have to be very vigilant with regards to our way of doing things. What else do I do “wrong”, or fall back into default mode? Retorical question to self! It needs to be answered every now and again.

What have you caught yourself doing “wrong” with regards to parenting?

Attachment Parenting

I only heard about attachment parenting after Mieka was born. The Mommaliscious Mamma’s site was one of the places where I first became aware of the style of parenting.
We have been doing most of it instinctively.

Because I am an older mom, and also doing it a second time, I think I have gained some insights that I did not necessarily had when I was younger. I know we don’t have to enforce a strict code on a child to force her to confirm to certain behaviours. We are all individuals – why should we force our children into a certain mould?

Some points mentioned:
- Having a natural, peaceful childbirth and bonding with the baby through rooming-in at the hospital – I missed the opportunity for both of my babies, and I am sad to this day that I (and my babies) could not experience this. I blame our medical system for not allowing more freedom with regards to birth choices. In the end you are too scared (health wise for yourself and your babies) to demand or seek a different scenario.
- Breastfeeding the baby on demand as opposed to a schedule – This one I can tick off. I could only breastfeed the eldest until she was four months old. I was breastfeeding her on schedule every four hours, with safety pins on my blouse for the side on which to breastfeed first the next time around. I am still breastfeeding my 15 months old toddler. It was a bit difficult in the beginning, because it felt like she was breastfeeding the whole time, but it has passed already. She now comes and lays her head on my chest when she wants a feed. I am trying to go until she is two years of age. Very rewarding!!
- Answering baby's cries quickly (not letting baby "cry it out") – We don’t let Mieka cry, but try to see what the problem is. I had to let my eldest cry (her dad, my X’ rules), and I think it let to behaviour problems like bedwetting, attachment to a blanket and her thumb; and being scared at night. Crying is their only means of communicating, and what do we tell them when we don’t respond to that? That they are not important? I want Mieka to know that she can trust in people and in life!
- Wearing the baby as much as possible using a sling or baby carrier – We used a carrier sometimes, but Mieka was mostly in our arms. She loves sleeping in our arms – even to this day!
- Having baby with you as much as possible (avoiding baby sitters if possible) – I have to work, but I was fortunate to spend time with Mieka until she was nearly five months before I had to drop her off at day care. But we still don’t like leaving her for other reasons. We much rather take her with us where we are going, and put the movies and functions on the backburner for a while.
- Having baby sleep in your bedroom (either in your bed or in a crib next to your bed) so you can respond quickly to baby and he can adjust to your sleep cycle – We tried to sleep with Mieka in our room, but found that she could get a much better rest in her own room. But we could not have done it without Angelcare. Whenever she wakes up and she doesn’t want to be put down in her own cot, she lands up between me and her dad in our bed. This seems to happen more regularly now… Yawn! We are tired! Very, very tired! (This too will pass! This too will pass! Smile)
- Avoiding using material items sooth baby such as pacifiers, swings, strollers, etc. – “By offering yourself to comfort baby, baby learns to form strong human attachments” – We have done this instinctively. Interesting, because the Sleep books encourage parents to introduce pacifiers etc. …
- Balance – Sometimes it is difficult to find a balance, and we feel a bit overwhelmed. But, as an older parent, I KNOW that we will fondly reminiscence about times when our little ones were small and they shared our bed with us. It goes past in a blink, and there is nothing more fuzzy warm special than a small little hand lying across your shoulders when waking up in the morning!