The social contract with your child - Think Ahead

Think Ahead is running great workshops with regards social media and your child. Teachers and parents will definitely benefit to attend. I listened to Having the Social Media Talk with your tech-savvy child, by Cayley Jorgensen.

Cayley Jorgensen - Think Ahead

We have been postponing getting a phone for our Miss Fine, although she is nearly eleven. "ALL HER FRIENDS" ("Yes, all my friends, Mom!") have phones already! She still has an iPad2 that she only gets to play on when homework is done, and she got a tablet sent from family overseas only this past weekend. She is also already very versatile on her parent's phones, and knows both our passwords. We have been having talks, and the school has been having talks. The school has forbidden the use of smartphones that can connect to the Internet. It helped to prolong the inevitable. But here we are!

The social contract by Cayley Jorgensen (shared below) is a great way to proceed.

Why it is not okay for under 18's to drink #SAB18Plus AND win an experience voucher with your teen

The South African Breweries (SAB) launched a new responsible drinking campaign called 18+

I am one of the parents that think it is okay to sometimes pour a little bit of the wine for the teens as well. As teen growing up we always thought it was gross, and my Teen also did not like the taste of wine. Maybe we were just lucky?

Apparently it is not a good idea!
Parenting fail! (*insert red face*)


Why it is not okay!

No one under 18 should be drinking alcohol and it is up to us to stop our denial about the situation and do something about it.

• 1 in 2 teenagers in the average South African home is a user of alcohol.

• Yet the vast majority of parents think their teenagers don’t drink

• Around 15% of boys and 8% of girls said that they’d had their first drink before age 13

• People who begin drinking before the age of 15 are four times more likely to become alcohol dependent than those who have their first drink at age 20 or older

• Teens that use alcohol are three times more likely to be involved in violent crime

• 67% of teens who drink before the age of 15 will go on to use illegal drugs

The U.S. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) stated in a 2010 publication that most studies show the benefits from allowing children to drink in the home or controlled environment are non-existent. In the same report, NIAAA cites a 1997 article from the Journal of Substance Abuse that says that starting to drink earlier increases the chances of developing alcohol problems.

We need to start the conversation amongst South Africans, raising the following points:

• It is not okay to give your teenager a drink so you can “control it” 

• It is not okay to send your child to the local tavern to get alcohol for you;

• It is not okay to take your child to a pub with you;

• It’s not okay to do nothing when you see teenagers drinking; and

• It’s not okay for alcohol to be a taboo subject that we don’t discuss with our children.

One reader of this blog can win an experience voucher with your teen to use anywhere in South Africa and you have a choice of over 200 activities. Valued at R500!

The purpose of the voucher is for you and a teenager to do something you love together. While you are bonding, this is a good time to open the channels of communication and discuss underage drinking with them.

1. Please leave me a comment about what you think about underage drinking?

2. Copy and tweet the following to get another chance to win this experience.

Why it is not okay for under 18's to drink @SABreweries & Win an experience with your teen via @karentoittoit #SAB18Plus http://bit.ly/1ADJAzv

I will notify the winner next Friday 8 August at 9am.


Twitter: @SABreweries and #SAB18Plus
To add a 18+ Twibbon to your Facebook / Twitter profile: http://twibbon.com/Support/sab18plus

For the latest 18+ news, follow on:
http://www.sabstories.co.za/alcohol-issues/sab18plus/ 


Photos: The two 18+ ambassadors: Melanie Bala and Robert Marawa

20 Rules Teens Want Their Parents to Follow But Know They Won’t

This title made me curious.

I also wanted to say: "20 Rules Teens want their Parents to follow, but hope they won't"

We are a bit past the teen phase at the moment in our house, with a student away at university. She is in the time bubble between being a teen, and being an adult! It is such a precious time!
Sometimes we still see some of the teen phase, but mostly not any more...
She was also not a difficult teen at all.

Here's the list.

20 Rules Teens want their Parents to follow, but know thy won't:

1. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
2. “Don’t tell me who and when I can date.”
3. “Don’t assume you know what’s best for me.”
4. “Let me make my own mistakes when it comes to tattoos, piercings, drugs and alcohol.”
5. “Never offer me advice, unless I ask.”
6. “Give me my own credit card… with no spending limit, of course.”
7. “Don’t talk about your glory days like they are mine.”
8. “Give me the car keys whenever I ask.”
9. “Let me set my own curfew and don’t worry about where I’m going or who I’m with. And when I’m gone, don’t call me every 15 minutes..."
10. “Don’t tell me how to dress.”
11. “Don’t meddle.”
12. “Don’t embarrass me.”
13. “Don’t hug, kiss or hold my hand in public.”r
14. “Ask for my opinion on everything.”
15. “Knock before entering.”
16. “Don’t snoop through my room, phone and car.”
17. “Don’t stalk me or my friends on social networking sites.”
18. “Never ever use the excuse, ‘Because I said so.’”
19. "Practice what you preach.”
20. “Trust me.”

The link was sent to me from Baby Sitting Jobs: http://www.babysittingjobs.com/blog/20-rules-teens-want-their-parents-to-follow-but-know-they-won’t/
More can be read there.

Do you have any more suggestions of rules teens would like us to follow? :-)

Partying with the youngsters, or so it feels!

We had a 19 years birthday celebration this weekend, and there was much excitement in the house.

It feels like we went to a party ourselves!
(The stuff that happens to parents of all younsters! I know!)

On Friday night the girls were off to a club, and we could only sleep soundly again after they came home at 3 in the morning... (The lights on, with us checking our cellphones regularly...)

They of course had a ball of a time!

We were worried
- about them being at a club;
-  had given loads of speeches of never leaving their drinks unattended;
- about letting us know when they arrive, and when they leave;
- worried about them being stopped at road blocks (even though the designated driver did not drink);
- worried about them being out so late!


I tell you, its easier having a toddler that stays by your side and in your house!

(Photo: The Toddler was not impressed that her sister was going to a party without her, and could only be placated when she was also allowed to wear her party dress!)

Officially unemployed

The last matric paper was written yesterday!
Finished! Done! Final! Never again!

"Ma skryf matriek" has come to an end!

The last day of school clothes!
The end of an era!
The closing of a chapter!
The reaching of a gynormous milestone!

(It is a bit sad! For me!)

My daughter is moving on!

They have a joke going around that they are now "officially unemployed"!

But she is sorted for next year! Can I call her a "student" now?

The registrations for university has been done! The first payments (ouch!) have been done!

She is on her way...

I am so proud and so happy for her!

It happened so quickly!
(Much too soon for this mother...)



Photo: Patrick Pretorius at Photostyle.

Breast cancer awareness

Ithemba Walkathon 2011

I saw this on Laura's blog at Harassed Mom, from where she was tagged by Celeste over at Reluctant Mom.

I would like to answer these questions as well, because breast cancer is something that you can do something about. Before it is too late!



The Questions:


When did you have your first mammogram?
I went for a test in my twenties when a van came to our workplace. Never again after that!

Does anyone in your family suffer from cancer?
Luckily, no! But my teen gave us a scare about two years back when she discovered a big lump in her breast. It is called a  fibroadenoma, but she now has to have it checked every six months!
See: 18-year olds can get breast cancer

Why have you not gone for a mammogram?
I should have done it earlier... Guilty!
But I went in support of my teen for a sonar in July (also because the doctor insisted), and as soon as I stop breastfeeding I will go for the mammogram!

What were your mammogram results?
The sonar was fine! (A mammogram does not show the correct results when still breastfeeding.)

How bad is “going for a mammogram” on a scale of 1 to 10?
I can't remember that it felt that bad. I would give it a 3

When is your next appointment?
Three months after I stop breastfeeding. Don't know when that is going to happen!

Do you know anyone who has had breast cancer?
Yes, I have a colleague who went through a harrowing experience having to remove both breasts but now are declared 100% healthy. She caught it even before it developed into breast cancer! It is through her that I got the referral for my teen. We now feel very safe knowing that Dr Benn (Specialist in her field) will give us the right advice!

What is my point?
Do not accept the advice of doctors when they tell you to not come back again, or that you should wait until the diagnosis is cancer. NOOOO!
We were told not to come back for a regular check-up by a gynecologist...
My colleague was told that she should have her breasts regularly checked until the cancer is finally confirmed... (Scary!)

If you feel uneasy about a decision or opinion, get a second opinion! 
It is your health and your life!

Wordless Wednesday #96 - Off she goes...

Movie Clip Monday #20 - Wearing a crown

A very short clip: The matric dance made a huge impression on the Toddler. She insisted on a Princess dress as well, with the crown!

She was not as keen to pose for photos on the day, but very impressed with her big sister!

Lending Movie Clip Monday from Tasneem at MumDrum.


Related post: 
Princessionista

The matric dance

The Big Event took place last night!

A matric dance does not look like the matric dances we remember...
There are big cars and vintage cars, chauffeurs and red carpets! It is FANCY!

Everybody looked like stars, and the Teen had the time of her life!
She looked like a Princess!

(I will ask the Teen to write me a little post. Hint hint!)

Heads up about the last year in school

Stuff to expect from your girl teen

• The boyfriend is more important than you!

• The friends are more important than you!

• Her life and time-table are more important than you. You are lucky when she ventures out of her room to come and talk to you. It really tells you that you have a relationship going when she comes to share some of her life with you.

• You will never find an open door.

• She loves to sleep! All the time! (Most probable position you will find her to be in behind the closed door.)

• She can’t wait for the year to pass for exciting times ahead next year at university! (She feels she’s in limbo right now)

• The matric dance (Prom) is the most important event happening in her life! Ever!

• The dress, (and heads-up!), the after-the-party party dress, are extremely important!

• The make-up and hair should be sorted before the day. (There should be trial runs before the time!)

• A cell phone is an attachment to her hand!

• Most come-back retort when asked why she did not do something: “I did not know I was supposed to do it!”

I am making the list tongue-in-cheek.

I really like my Teen and the person she is!

I love her optimism about life, and her excitement about her future! It is very infectious!

I love her I-am-going-to-change-the-world attitude!



You go, my Girl!

(Photo: Patrick Pretorius photography)

Dragonflies & Astronauts: Beautiful!

The picture of a sleeping toddler was not to be on Saturday night when we went to see a show of The Parlotones…


We usually don’t have a problem and at eight (nine perhaps on a weekend) she goes down, but Saturday she was bright and breezy!
Murphy does not sleep!

But we left the Toddler with the Teen. We haven’t done that much up until now!
You would think that we have a babysitting minder in-house… But, we mostly prefer to take the Toddler with. If that’s not an option, we leave her with her grandparents!

We worry about that “what if?” something very bad happens! (Just in case…)

Anyhow, we left the Teen and Toddler with a Barbie movie! And it went well! Except for lots of bed jumping that had to be endured, apparently…
(The Teen doesn’t mind at all, because she is getting a bit of pocket money!)

We went to see the live 3D movie of The Parlotones show of Dragonflies & Astronauts! It was incredible! Some of their best music in a great post-apocalyptic (?) show! Loved it! They had some problems sorting out the technicalities in the first songs, but from there we were with them on the stage!

We were sitting with our 3D goggles, and I wanted so much to take a picture. Imagine me with the blackberry with the 3D goggles in front of it! I only got this very poor image…

I hope there is a DVD coming out? I hope they do it again?
I want some more!
In the meantime I am listening to all their songs…

Yes, it was nice! (I am officially a Parlotones groupie now!)

Wordless Wednesday #84 - Sleeping sisters

Morning's first photo at day care #23 - My sister!

The Toddler was extremely pleased this morning. Her sister came with her to day care...
The Teen is going to help out for a few days!

The Young Lady is eighteen tomorrow! WHAT?

I can't believe that time has flown as quickly as it does! It is a huge cliché which all parents use. (Sorry!)
But it's true!
My little girl is 18 / eighteen / eight plus ten years old tomorrow! Not so little anymore! A young lady now!

[But, it's not about me, and ME getting old! Although, it is!... Help!]


I am so proud of the Young Lady in our midst:

She is such a special person, because she is her own unique individual.
She can make up her mind about things.
She is a very caring soul, who feels deeply for other people.
She is loved by all her friends and family!
She is a responsible lady whom I can trust with important tasks and information.
She is bright, and creative!
She has hope for the future!
She has plans for the future!
She is loving!

I have enjoyed seeing her grow up. I am loving the relationship I have with her as my daughter!
I can't wait for her to enter the new stage in her life when she goes to varsity, and LIFE!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday tomorrow, and that your year will be most special!

I love you!

Wordless Wednesday #82 - waiting for the doctor

Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!

Winter sun

It was the shortest day on Tuesday in the southern hemisphere, and we are saying that summer is around the corner again. The middle of winter means things have turned around already. Summer is on its way again!

I noticed that the Northern hemisphere announced that it is the start of summer there...   (Wink smile!)
It seems we all are looking forward to summer! But it seems we have definitely more of it!

We have had a lovely few days of winter sun here in Johannesburg, and we have been soaking up the lovely rays! (Go away, Murphy!!)

I am attending a conference for two days! We have not had much of these in recent years. It is so invigorating to hear new voices, and to get some valuable insights in my field of work! I like attending conferences! (Nerd!)

The teen has finished with her mid-year exams. Holidays for them already! When they have holidays, it feels a bit like holidays for us as well! Not having to do the taxiing and a bit less traffic make our lives much easier!

She has found her perfect fairytale dress yesterday. It is way above our budget... (No surprises, actually!) At least the search is over, and I can sigh with relief!

All is well in Toddlerville! Little Miss is better after she was sick last week, and sleeping very well at the moment!

It seems we are happy families...

Time to soak up some of that winter sun!

What do we need more than this?

(Boring is my new black! Sorry readers!)

Thursday thanks!

This Thursday has a lot to be thankful for... #thankfulness

- It is my "Friday" today. I have a long weekend coming up!

- Our wine order has come and I am drinking export red wine to France, courtesy Spier.Les Vins du Monde. Cheers!

- My friend and I got free cappuccino's at Woollies today because they forgot our food order! I was really looking forward to the mature cheddar on rye, but the broccoli from last night was much healthier... (Of course! Wink smile!)

-  I could still draw R100 from my account to put in some petrol for my car.

- Tomorrow is pay day!

- Hubby is making pork stir-fry, and it smells delicious!

- The Teen can finally submit her portfolio for Communication Studies at the university... One less thing to do! (Grade 12: the stress is getting to me)

Enjoy your Friday! What are your plans for the weekend?

Related posts:
Thursdays

The Teen is clever!

Yes, she is very clever! She KNOWS and she tells you what she knows!


I am lacking seriously in grey matter to understand the complexities of her universe. I have become a second class citizen with regards the workings of this plane of existence we found ourselves in. I just do not know at all how all this fits in together…

My Teen knows how it works! There is not a thing that we say that do not get a clever retort back…

She told a teacher umpire yesterday to penalize a hockey player who had hit her in the shins. Or else she would have to leave the field. The teacher told her that she does not have to worry. She is sending her off in any case. With a yellow card! Before that she also had something to say about the other penalties blown by the teacher…

When I told the Teen to not be so bitchy, I was told that I clearly do not understand how unfair this whole situation had been…

If this had been a single incident, it maybe could have been overlooked as a single incident. But apparently there is a lot of wrong and unfair happening in the world. She is fighting the war against ALL the wrong-doing going on!

This is the passion and the vigor we all had at her age. I understand it, and I remember it! But we also have to learn to address the issues with more diplomacy. If you tell someone they are wrong; they just defend it, and you do not get your point across!

Now, how do I tell the all-knowing Teen that there are better ways to address an issue, but without her losing her passion for addressing the wrongs in life?

We do not want our children to become passive passengers in life, do we?

She wants to change the world! I want her to change the world!

How do I nudge her gently in the right direction?

Friday, you came early!

Thank you!

Miracles happen each and every day! This has been a four day work week, and we have a Friday showing up! How great is that?!

The Toddler was extremely impressed that it is Sweets Day today, and off she went to day care… The money is in her bag! AND she gets to visit Ouma (Gran) tonight! She announced yesterday already that she wants to go to Ouma, and when I told her that it is only tomorrow, she was not impressed…

The Teen celebrated her boyfriend’s birthday with him yesterday, and is planning another day tomorrow with him. Watching him play rugby and going out! We might see her for a few minutes this weekend… I am hopeful!

I committed one of those brain-bubble stupid moments this week when I forgot my Wimpy coffee of the roof of my car, and drove from the Mall. A truck driver tried to alert me, but I gave him a complete ignore-look! It was only when a student stepped into the street, and took the coffee from my roof that I realized that he was actually trying to tell me something important! I will never forget the look on the driver’s face: “I told you so!” Not even my “I-am-sorry-wave” and cheapish smile could make him wipe that indignant look of his face!

Hubby and I are going to a Barnyard show tonight. Can’t wait! A bit of time out tonight!

What are you doing on your weekend?
Do you still have brain bubbles, even when your children are older?

In search of higher education

Next year seems very far away, but when you want to continue your studies past Grade 12 you need to register YESTERDAY already. The registrations have opened in March and places are filling up...

We went to an Open ay at the Potchefstroom University on Saturday. Everything is available on campus. The residences are close by and it seems very safe, especially for the young ladies! I was at first not very keen on the university because it is one and half hours drive away, but it seems that the institutions nearby does not offer us the same options.

The Teen wants to continue her studies in communication with a keen interest in book editing. It seems they have a very good degree in Communication as well as specialization areas. The problem is that they only select 100 people in a year to start with the course! We will definitely have to apply to other universities as well. (Sigh!)  She has to prepare a whole portfolio to be accepted here! (Standards are high.)

We only went through one of the residences, and the Teen has voted it as her favourite to go to next year! (They have the option of three.)

I was struck by the fact that the young people have three or four years more of being in a safe and secluded bubble! A couple of more years of being young and carefree... What a wonderful opportunity! It made me wish I was young again, and with all the limitless opportunity ahead of me... Well, nearly! But I had my four years of university life as well! Which I enjoyed thoroughly!

I am holding thumbs that The Teen gets to have the best time of her life while preparing for a career! And I am holding thumbs that she gets a place here!

Related post:
Grade 12 - the stress is getting to me