Playing the attention game, by Nikki Bush

 I don't know how parents do it with more than one child? The universe must have known we could only give attention to one at a time, and even then we are struggling to keep up...
Little Miss is demanding our undivided attention all the time!
Or maybe it is because she is the only one, and she has no siblings?

I made a pledge to a safer internet, and got this in my inbox from Safer Schools.
Nikki Bush is a renowned creative parenting expert and thought leader, and I am happy to share her thoughts here! These are some great tips, even for us with only one! We also have to handle them when she is playing with friends...


Playing the attention game - Nikki Bush

On a recent holiday we had seven children ranging from four years of age to 14 and it was fascinating to watch them when they were in a group with no adult in sight. They all just got along, the little ones trusting the big ones, the big ones caring for the little ones, no-one whinging, whining or complaining, everyone playing happily together – until an adult came along!!! Now how does that work?

I have a theory about this strange occurrence and what happens to the group chemistry when an adult is added to the mix. Suddenly there is a power play taking place and the children start vying for attention – your attention. Each wants to find a way to stand out so that you will notice them and fill their emotional cup. Things like this start to happen almost immediately:

. one child will hurt another
. someone will say something to upset another
. someone will have an accident
. someone will tell tales
. someone starts to whinge
. someone is suddenly desperately hungry or thirsty and can’t begin to help themselves

Sound familiar? When you figure out this pattern and understand the reasons behind it, it becomes more amusing than irritating. Another perfect example of this is the tantrum-ing two year old who stops yelling the minute you leave the room only to start up again as soon as you come back into view. Often children behave badly for our benefit, either to manipulate us or to get our attention.
You need to be wise enough to know the difference.

Madagascar heirloom, or am I too sentimental?

There is a 15 year gap between the two girls. I have not kept many of the eldest's clothes!

But somewhere along the way a bag of clothes got tagged along from the previous life!

This white suit was a present from aunt D to the eldest when she went on a television production to Madagascar. There is the most cute embroidery of little figures on the white summer suit.

I love it that it fits Little Missy now. She just did not like her belly-button sticking out, and she wanted a white t-shirt underneath.

It feels like a family heirloom that gets a new life again! (I am sentimental like that!)

It is very difficult to pass on some of the clothes!
There is a number of Little Missy's clothes that I have also put back in her cupboard, because it feels too precious to just pass along.


What do you do with your old clothes, and how do you decide which to keep?


Related posts:

- Hand-me-downs

- Letting go of the cute clothes (cute baby)

Wordless Wednesday #84 - Sleeping sisters

The toddler’s first meeting with her uncle

We saw my brother two years ago, just before the toddler was born. He has never met the toddler. He is now living in London and we keep in contact through IM mostly. Our family lives on different continents, with my sister and her husband also being far away in London.


It is not and never will be same to have your family staying so far from you. Although we have all the electronic means to be in contact constantly, it does not equate to the real thing. To be in each other’s company still is something that I think we value not enough. Until we have to talk across thousands of kilometres...

My brother was worried that the toddler would be shy of him, or that she would not respond to him. She does not know him at all.

But luckily his fears were unfounded. Mieka liked him immediately and enjoyed his company. We had such a great weekend with my brother.

Mieka says his name Wynand, pronounced as “Mytand”. Translated from Afrikaans it means ‘my tooth”. We have been asking her countless times to say it. Because it is so very funny!

We have seen before that she likes certain people and responds to them with a very easy acceptance. Maybe it is true that the little ones have an inherent ability to detect the true nature of a person? What do you think?

In any case, the toddler enjoyed his company and we had a lovely time. We had lunch again today at Silverstar Casino with the music water fountain show. In December last year Mieka was crying when the musical water fountain played. Today she was also frightened, but at the end of our visit she was enjoying it!

Sibling love

One thing we skipped by having such a large age gap between the children: sibling rivalry! 15 years have taken care of it altogether. Not a bad thing to skip when I witness other parents struggling holding their kids out of each other’s hair...


All we see between our teen and toddler is loads of patience (for a teen that is huge!). The teen does not even show us the same kind of patience! Mieka is allowed in her room, and she can play with her collection of tiny dolls whenever she wants.

Mieka loves spending time with Arnia. Last week the teen was busy at school and we had to go and fetch her later in the evening. When I got home with Mieka she went to the stairs the whole time and called her name, again and again. I had to go and show her Arnia’s empty room, but she was not convinced... She continued to call out her name!

Mieka is big on the tantrum dance at the moment. She does it a number of times a day. The teen showed her how the tantrum dance looks like today. The toddler thought it was hilarious! Not hilarious enough to stop doing it, but they had lots of fun doing The T-dance together!

One of Arnia’s favourite activities is to push Mieka in her stroller through the mall, especially when I am not in the vicinity! She gets a big kick out of it when she sees people making assumptions... She and the BF were walking around today with the toddler, while I was nearby in another shop, and they got even stranger looks!

I love watching them developing a very special bond and love for each other!

Sisters! It is very special to have a sister. I have a sister who is a year younger than me. We are now continents apart, but it is wonderful to be able to have a sister. The older we get, the more we "talk" (thank goodness for the Internet and email and social media).

Today is National Women’s Day in South Africa. Hats off to all the women who have made a difference, and to all the STRONG women! Hats off to ALL of us!

Mom blogging

Blog by Karen du Toit about becoming a parent after the age of 40, the second time after 15 years. It’s all about new beginnings. Being a working mom and married for a second time. Mieka came into our lives the 21st of December 2008. The meaning of her name is “new fountain” in Japanese. Arnia, my daughter of 16 years, keeps on asking me about herself when she was small. And I can't recollect all the small little details. I don't want to forget all the small little incidents that gives us so much pleasure. That's why I want to keep a blog for Mieka for one day...