Sibling love

One thing we skipped by having such a large age gap between the children: sibling rivalry! 15 years have taken care of it altogether. Not a bad thing to skip when I witness other parents struggling holding their kids out of each other’s hair...


All we see between our teen and toddler is loads of patience (for a teen that is huge!). The teen does not even show us the same kind of patience! Mieka is allowed in her room, and she can play with her collection of tiny dolls whenever she wants.

Mieka loves spending time with Arnia. Last week the teen was busy at school and we had to go and fetch her later in the evening. When I got home with Mieka she went to the stairs the whole time and called her name, again and again. I had to go and show her Arnia’s empty room, but she was not convinced... She continued to call out her name!

Mieka is big on the tantrum dance at the moment. She does it a number of times a day. The teen showed her how the tantrum dance looks like today. The toddler thought it was hilarious! Not hilarious enough to stop doing it, but they had lots of fun doing The T-dance together!

One of Arnia’s favourite activities is to push Mieka in her stroller through the mall, especially when I am not in the vicinity! She gets a big kick out of it when she sees people making assumptions... She and the BF were walking around today with the toddler, while I was nearby in another shop, and they got even stranger looks!

I love watching them developing a very special bond and love for each other!

Sisters! It is very special to have a sister. I have a sister who is a year younger than me. We are now continents apart, but it is wonderful to be able to have a sister. The older we get, the more we "talk" (thank goodness for the Internet and email and social media).

Today is National Women’s Day in South Africa. Hats off to all the women who have made a difference, and to all the STRONG women! Hats off to ALL of us!

Blogging mom2

As a new mom, working, I also feel terribly isolated with regards to connecting to other moms. Most of my friends in the same position are also working full-time and we struggle to get together. That’s another reason for me starting this blog – to understand my own feelings and situation, to connect to other moms and to figure out, while writing, than what I am doing is “right”. If only then “right” for myself and the baby.
Oh, and being the older mom also isolates me… While I am bleary-eyed, lactating, struggling to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes (a whole other story, and yes, I know, by this time it shouldn’t have been a problem) with a baby on the hip, my other friends are focusing on careers and discussing teenagers and holidays. I am also hiding underneath different caps every day because I am graying (I do not get enough time to colour it), and because I am losing hair post-pregnancy. Luckily its winter and the caps do not look out of place. Also, the winter clothes help to cover the post-pregnancy flab. I am putting on weight and keep on telling myself it’s because I am still breast feeding and can’t focus on drastic weight loss dieting. I was very much impressed with myself for not putting on too much weight during the pregnancy, only 10 kilograms, but it was because I did not have any space left for food. Food also did not have any appeal to me. Unluckily, I got my appetite and “space” back. These topics are not exactly interesting, but that’s where I find myself AGAIN. And I love it all over again: the baby has changed our lives AGAIN.
16 years ago I had a baby, Arnia, and now I wonder how I coped with the baby while being married to a narcissist and manipulative man who most of the time could not keep up a job. The X (the cancelled one) is not part of my life anymore, and Arnia has also started to limit her access to her father. His toxic presence has finally pissed her off completely, and I don’t think the relationship will be mended fully again. It is something Arnia has to work out for herself.
For me it’s a previous life, and it sometimes feel as if I have been reincarnated into this life. Totally different. I am now married to Dries, a wonderful caring, providing and supportive husband. Now I can’t belief that I could have been part of a violent partnership. I realized that by staying there I was enabling him to continue his bad behaviour.
That’s why I belief in new beginnings and new lives. It’s possible and much better the next time around. Maybe I am lucky, but I do believe that we create our own destinies and we are doing it continuously by making choices. My choice is to be happy and peaceful and I am that right now!
Arnia told the X and his wife last night that she is happy and peaceful at our home, and she does not have to stress about anything. It tells us that we (me and Dries) are doing something “right”. We are reconstructed, but we are doing it “better”. And that’s all I wish for! With a beautiful baby girl…