Bum up and go the same as dealing with DV

I do not get bored with status updates about how many kilometres you have done, or how many press-ups you have done.

I get insanely, green, dark-green, purple jealous!!!

Because I know how pleased you are and should be about yourself!
And how much good you have packed into that exercise.

Meanwhile, back at the Bum in the chair, I am Slump-Sister!
And not feeling good at all about myself!

It struck me today that not exercising is the same as being stuck in domestic violence.

You are the only person that can change the situation!

- You can complain until your hair falls out and your toes turn orange. It will not change the situation.

- You can feel sorry for yourself. You can cry. It will not change the situation.

- You can tell the priest, the psychologist, your family and friends about your bum deal. It will not change the situation!

- You can stay! It will not change the situation!

How to deal with domestic violence:

- You need to make the ultimatums!
- You have to act if things does not change.
- You have to get out of there! 

Of course it is not easy, but is it possible.
Staying there is also a decision!

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So, I lifted my bum today:

20 minutes of rolling hills on level 3 gave me 7 kilometres.
100 arm exercises (don't know what you call it), and 30 sit-ups!

Better than staying on my chair during lunch-time!

The haunting of words

Today, as in most other days, I have been thinking about a "brave" woman who has had to go in hiding for the safety of her children.
"Brave" because she doesn't have another option but to be brave!

And she has been writing!
Haunting words of beauty and of shock and of finding herself!

Of having to go through a series of excisions, of being a dead woman, and being silenced.
But she found her voice again, even going to the media to tell her story.

A story of finding violence in her own home. A story of finding that her partner was not the person she thought he was. A story from violence to healing.

I am just appalled that a person who threatens the safety of his wife and children are allowed to walk free in the streets. Even two years after the violence and the 18000 pornographic images have been discovered on his computer. The divorce had gone through in the meantime and joint custody has been awarded to them.

She had to take her children and run...

This is not a third world country we are talking about. It is in America. Where the laws and the justice system are supposed to be better?

You can read her ongoing story on Wanderlust!

Thinking of you, Kristin!

Also with the knowing that there are so many woman without a voice, who have been fighting on their own for the safety of their precious children..

Blogging mom2

As a new mom, working, I also feel terribly isolated with regards to connecting to other moms. Most of my friends in the same position are also working full-time and we struggle to get together. That’s another reason for me starting this blog – to understand my own feelings and situation, to connect to other moms and to figure out, while writing, than what I am doing is “right”. If only then “right” for myself and the baby.
Oh, and being the older mom also isolates me… While I am bleary-eyed, lactating, struggling to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes (a whole other story, and yes, I know, by this time it shouldn’t have been a problem) with a baby on the hip, my other friends are focusing on careers and discussing teenagers and holidays. I am also hiding underneath different caps every day because I am graying (I do not get enough time to colour it), and because I am losing hair post-pregnancy. Luckily its winter and the caps do not look out of place. Also, the winter clothes help to cover the post-pregnancy flab. I am putting on weight and keep on telling myself it’s because I am still breast feeding and can’t focus on drastic weight loss dieting. I was very much impressed with myself for not putting on too much weight during the pregnancy, only 10 kilograms, but it was because I did not have any space left for food. Food also did not have any appeal to me. Unluckily, I got my appetite and “space” back. These topics are not exactly interesting, but that’s where I find myself AGAIN. And I love it all over again: the baby has changed our lives AGAIN.
16 years ago I had a baby, Arnia, and now I wonder how I coped with the baby while being married to a narcissist and manipulative man who most of the time could not keep up a job. The X (the cancelled one) is not part of my life anymore, and Arnia has also started to limit her access to her father. His toxic presence has finally pissed her off completely, and I don’t think the relationship will be mended fully again. It is something Arnia has to work out for herself.
For me it’s a previous life, and it sometimes feel as if I have been reincarnated into this life. Totally different. I am now married to Dries, a wonderful caring, providing and supportive husband. Now I can’t belief that I could have been part of a violent partnership. I realized that by staying there I was enabling him to continue his bad behaviour.
That’s why I belief in new beginnings and new lives. It’s possible and much better the next time around. Maybe I am lucky, but I do believe that we create our own destinies and we are doing it continuously by making choices. My choice is to be happy and peaceful and I am that right now!
Arnia told the X and his wife last night that she is happy and peaceful at our home, and she does not have to stress about anything. It tells us that we (me and Dries) are doing something “right”. We are reconstructed, but we are doing it “better”. And that’s all I wish for! With a beautiful baby girl…