The signs are here: Little Miss is a Tween

Tweener Miss

Little Miss has grown so much this year. She has been slaying the dragons, beginning in a new school. It was an issue to make new friends, but she finally has a very special friend. It's strange how they all want that special BFF!

Besties! So great to have a real friend at school! It took a while to make a new friend at a new school. #BFF #LittleMiss #friends

A post shared by Karen Du Toit (@karentoittoit) on Sep 4, 2017 at 3:26am PDT

We are seeing signs of her becoming more independent, and the Tween that is emerging. And Mom and Dad winces because the precious years of baby and toddler is long forgotten! (Too soon, I tell you *sic*)

Signs of the preadolescence, the Tween

Not scientific, but from a mom's perspective. 

Little Miss Independent - an update

Little Miss has grown so much in recent weeks! This year has been tough with changing schools and getting into the swing of a new school, with new rules and new friends. I am proud of her for the way she has handled the changes.

I am doing this update to remind us of  her specialness right now! This time and age passes too quickly as well, and I don't do enough updates!

- Little Miss seems to love maths more than languages, and the spelling is a pain. But she loves reading. One of the best things we are doing right now, is taking her regularly to the library, and letting her read in the evenings to us. She begs us to go to the library every two weeks, and starts reading in the car on our way home! She also picks her books from the Teenage Reading section, and not the beginner readers anymore!

- She still loves a few favourite outfits that she wears time-and-time again. I try to hide it in her cupboard, but she always finds it! The grey leggings and the crocodile t-shirt (size 3-4) is still the absolute bomb!

- She still struggles with making new friends, but somehow she manages to keep on telling us about a few girls at school that she plays with! For an introvert that's not too bad! She has not found a very special friend, but maybe it is a good thing if she plays in a bundle?

- She loves dancing at school. There's a free class every week, and she can't wait! I had her signed up for a dancing school in the beginning of the year, but it clashed with Voortrekkers. I need to find another dance lesson for next semester.

- She has decided not to do netball, or choir, and the drama is a pain! I told her to discontinue drama at the end of this semester. I think it is better to find her feat first and then decide what she wants to do!

- She loves doing my and her sister's hair, and doing make-up! I have batches of photos of hairstyles on my phone. (If I do a search for "dogs", the hairstyles also pops up. But it's not an indication of the classiness of the hairstyles. ;-) iOS needs to work on an upgrade in photo search!)

- She loves rollerskating right now! We have promised her an outing during the holidays!

Little Miss is becoming very independent. I see it in the mornings when she asks for an extra hug or kiss, but then running away without looking back! I feel that I should cherish her still sitting on my lap, and asking for us to lay with her in the evenings!

When it's gone, it's gone!

Thanks so much for the adventures with you, Little Miss!

We are looking forward to a weekend with the Voortrekkers and camping during the holidays! (#thingsyoudoforyourchildren) It will perhaps be our last, but we have an arsenal of Voortrekker stories already built up because of you!
Next time she says she will be ready to go on her own! Little Miss Independent!

Walking for the owls at Delta Park - Voortrekkers

Delta Park views

Little Miss signed up to the *Voortrekkers at her new school. It is still one of the best ways to meet new friends in a new school.

The Voortrekkers had a fun walk at Delta Park on Saturday. The contributions of all entries (It was R10 each, but we were a big group) are going to upgrades of the owl boxes at the Delta Park Environment Centre. We were not even aware of the owls and owl boxes before this excursion.

Aptly dressed with an owl t-shirt

The children were extremely excited and ran ahead. We only caught up with them at the end. We did a 4km walk, not the total 5km of the Delta Park run. In the end the Eldest and I did not see any boxes or owls, but Little Miss was extremely excited about the owl box and the bat box that she was shown. Next time I will try to search for them again! 

(When you are unfit and just trying to keep up, then it does not work looking up in the trees the whole time...*sigh*)

Little Miss with her owl mask

What did you do that was exciting this past weekend?

*Similar to Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts


Related post: Fun Walk at Alberts Farm

Only 7 days left of being all alone at school!

Little Miss had a little breakdown last night!

She does not have friends at school, and the children do not want to play with her! She walks alone before school, and sits with her jersey pulled over her legs in the mornings. She has no friends in the mornings. She does not have friends who want to play with her at breaks, and she has to eat her food on her own. The ballet girls do not want to partner with her, and she’s the odd one out! (You saw that, Mom! Yes, I did!) This is what she told me again last night!

What can a mother (and father) do? We both wanted to console her last night! (Our hearts are breaking with her!)

Only to remind her that she has 7 days left of this school year! Next year is going to be better because it is going to be in a new school with new friends! (I really hope so!)

She is such a sensitive little person, and sometimes she goes into analysis paralysis! I do not always see a lonely girl when I go to fetch her at school, but if it is her perspective that nobody wants to play with her! That IS her life right now!

I am planning to use Cat’s advice next year, of identifying a strong girl and organising play dates from the start!

Only 7 days! This day included!
Maybe it is just this year that had enough?
You can do this, Little Miss!

No friends

Lonely

What can the mother and father do to help?

I wish I can help, but don't know what to do except than trying to tell her to be nice to her friends? To be the friend she would like to have in her friends?

Little Miss has been complaining for the past few weeks that she has no friends at school. She does not have friends to play with during break times, or at the aftercare.
She had the fall-out with a best buddy. She will never forget that day. It seems it is escalating. The heartache of girl politics is taking its toll! She is being excluded from the girl cliques.

She told her dad last night that she climbs a jungle gym at school during break times with a sandwich bag in her mouth, and eats her food while watching the playground... She took a file with papers and coloured pencils to school today to help her keep busy during breaks!

Oh, man!

It breaks my heart!

Our weekend started with a doll and camping in the garden

It was a very low-down weekend here. The budget was low, and we chilled at home.

Luckily it started with a package delivered from Our Generations Dolls which I had won over on Blessed Barrenness' blog. Little Miss got Abrianna with a camping set! She could not wait to get home to open up the package. (That made our Friday afternoon drive much easier in traffic!)

That started a whole weekend of camping inside and out of the house. She even got me sleeping inside her tent on Friday night, and still believes we both slept there for the whole night!

Setting up the Our Generation Doll camp set

Her friends came over and they "camped" the whole of Saturday and Sunday. We usually have a rule that there is no playing inside houses and they had no issues playing outside this weekend!
It worked perfectly with this weather. It's summer here!

It's lovely summer again! (How I love Summer! I have to note it, again!)

Little Miss even complained when we went for an ice-cream at five today!
She still wanted to play!

But I got a smile from her, eventually...

How was you weekend?

She will never forget this day!

Friend politics

Yesterday she told me "I will never forget this day!"
It was a rough day for Little Miss!

The little girls make us crazy with their relationship issues.

We saw a lot of it on the camp at Vredefort Dome this weekend.

Little Miss told me the previous day that her friend were forcing her to go where she wanted to go. By physically turning her around and pushing her... Little Miss told her that she should stop or she won't be playing with her anymore...

Today, the same friend told her that she is not her friend anymore. She ignored Little Miss and played with another friend in front of her, taunting her.

Little Miss had no friends for the school breaks. She said she cried a lot!

She said she will never forget this day!

Little Miss is definitely not the innocent one! She can't expect her friend to keep on playing with her when she told her the previous day she wasn't playing with her! I told her that she also cannot be prescriptive with her friendships, and to tell them what they should and shouldn't do! Also that she should have more than one special friend, and that she should play with a group of friends...

But I had a very sad little girl with me tonight!
Little Miss also told me this morning that she can't wait for 6 days to pass. Apparently there is a week's block on the friendship. (I only heard about it today.) But luckily she's got an old friend willing to play with her who also had a fall-out with her regular friends....


Just this week Sharon of The Blessed Barrenness also had an issue with mean girls...

Grey hairs!
I KNOW why it's grey!

How do we help them negotiate this minefield of relationships? I always try to teach to be the friend you want your friends to be! I hope it sinks in!

Looking at the related posts below, it seems this is a recurring theme!
Sigh! SIGH! SIGH!

But maybe this is the way the girls learn how to negotiate relationships with their friends, and we should welcome it and try to teach with each episode?


Related posts:

- Girl politics and how to teach them to not be bullies

- The heartache of girl politics

- Bullying, we are stronger than we think

- Little girls can be so mean!

Playing the attention game, by Nikki Bush

 I don't know how parents do it with more than one child? The universe must have known we could only give attention to one at a time, and even then we are struggling to keep up...
Little Miss is demanding our undivided attention all the time!
Or maybe it is because she is the only one, and she has no siblings?

I made a pledge to a safer internet, and got this in my inbox from Safer Schools.
Nikki Bush is a renowned creative parenting expert and thought leader, and I am happy to share her thoughts here! These are some great tips, even for us with only one! We also have to handle them when she is playing with friends...


Playing the attention game - Nikki Bush

On a recent holiday we had seven children ranging from four years of age to 14 and it was fascinating to watch them when they were in a group with no adult in sight. They all just got along, the little ones trusting the big ones, the big ones caring for the little ones, no-one whinging, whining or complaining, everyone playing happily together – until an adult came along!!! Now how does that work?

I have a theory about this strange occurrence and what happens to the group chemistry when an adult is added to the mix. Suddenly there is a power play taking place and the children start vying for attention – your attention. Each wants to find a way to stand out so that you will notice them and fill their emotional cup. Things like this start to happen almost immediately:

. one child will hurt another
. someone will say something to upset another
. someone will have an accident
. someone will tell tales
. someone starts to whinge
. someone is suddenly desperately hungry or thirsty and can’t begin to help themselves

Sound familiar? When you figure out this pattern and understand the reasons behind it, it becomes more amusing than irritating. Another perfect example of this is the tantrum-ing two year old who stops yelling the minute you leave the room only to start up again as soon as you come back into view. Often children behave badly for our benefit, either to manipulate us or to get our attention.
You need to be wise enough to know the difference.

10 Things that make me Happy

I was tagged on Instagram by Moipone Islam at ferocioushaven

Here is mine:

10 Things that make me happy!

(Not necessarily in this order)

1. Happy is a choice! I choose Happy!

2. My Eldest. When she’s happy, I am happy! It is so-so-so GREAT that everything is working out this year for her. She is finishing up with her studies, she got a REAL job, she is madly in love and she’s got a car!

3. My Youngest. She makes us happy every day! (Sometimes crazy, but mostly happy!) Just being her! So glad that she is in our lives!

4.  My Husband!  He’s our rock and showing us each day what a good husband, father and provider he is! He is the best chef as well!!

5.  The extended family that cares about us

6. Friends that care

7.  Our dogs (Hubby won’t agree on this one! ;-) )

      8.  Coffee/Red wine (equally happy!)

      9. Books/reading.

      10. Blogging

What makes you happy?

Play dates and sayings

The two Besties have been planning their play date for weeks, and each afternoon I hear the dreaded "When?" and "How?" and exchanging of parents' telephone numbers.

So I HAD TO call the other mom and we organised a play date for last week Friday afternoon at the local Spur. The girls had a ball!

Now they are planning the next one!

The sleepover!

Yesterday I had to hear about all the plans for December. But while they were asking when and how, it came up in conversation that the Bestie wants her mom to come along as well! Because she still goes to sleep next to her!
Little Miss immediately chimed in and told her that her mom and dad also sleeps next to her!

So I could remind them that it's not a sleepover. If she can't come without her mom, she still has to wait a few years! Or they will have to hold each others' hands!
You could see that Bestie was not convinced...

I wonder what plans they will have made by this afternoon?

Little Miss - update

Grade 1 has flown by. We are only left with a few more days!

Little Miss has done very well in Grade 1. Of course I was worried about her doing Grade 1 while still very young, but given how well she has done and how well she has adjusted, I think we did the right thing!

She loves school!
She loves her friends!
We actually want to move her to a nearby school, but she does not want to budge! (It would make it much easier on us in the traffic!) I hope we can persuade her next year!

She has made new friends! That's a big one for us! She had the one friend that she loves, but who was always putting her down, and who influenced her moods. She is playing with new friends that are good to her, and she enjoys their company. She is even playing with friends in our complex where we stay, and can't wait to get home at night!

She does her own thing when friends are around, and disappears at playgrounds and parties! We are finally at the stage that we can drop her off at a party! (Yay!!)

I am still reading articles about the strong-willed child in trying to understand our Little Miss a bit better! She has very strong ideas, and she will defend it for dear life! There are some things to disagree about, but some things we have to examine our own thoughts about it.

(Sometimes we have outdated parental mechanisms that kicks in when confronted with a very opinionated little girl!)

She has done well in most of her extra-curricular activities as well this year! We will be continuing with the ballet and gymnastics, as well as tennis next year!

The CMaths has been a challenge, and maybe we can let it go... It's a struggle to get her to do the extra maths homework each week...


We love the Girl that is emerging, and the Personality that she is.
I am so glad that she is in our lives!

It is especially great to get little love notes from her, writing that she loves her Mom and Dad!


It is passing too fast!!

Girl politics and how to teach them not be bullies!

Girl politics are a nightmare!

This is a second time I am going through the highs and lows of friendships with a little girl.
There are more politics in these friendships than the politics of South Africa! (What it sometimes feels like!) To Little Miss of course, but also to us while we have to listen to all the sad stories each day! I'm sure it is more complex and exhausting than the stuff we hear on the news every day.

I hear about the best friend who do not want to play with her! And then sometimes only at certain times. Then Little Miss is all alone during recess at school, and she doesn't have any friends. Then another girl wants to play with Little Miss, but Little Miss does not want to play with her...

The politics are all about including and excluding!
They are all reverting to this bully behaviour! Little Miss included!

We do not see a lonely girl when we fetch her at school. She is always busy playing with someone! The Teacher has also thrown an eye, and she also doesn't see the "outcast" as she complains she is!

We had a Parent evening last week, and I discussed the friends' issue with the Teacher. Little Miss was there. The Teacher suggested that she plays with a little girl in the class who also complains about being alone. The response was: "But I don't like her! I don't want to play with her!"
(Me: *Throws hands in air with eyes rolling!*)

That made me realise that we have work to do with Little Miss.
We have to teach and preach her to be a good friend. She cannot continue telling girls that she does not want to play with them. If she does not follow this rule, she can't expect other girls to play with her!

I remember that I used to make bed time prayers with the eldest about trying to be a good friend every day! In the end it did pay off!

I hope it works again!
(Because no two girls are the same!)

How are you handling the girl politics?


Related post:

- Girl friends

How to Plan the Perfect Playdates at Home: Building Lasting Friendships for You and Your Children

Guest post by Kaitlin Krull

Making friends with other children and their parents can seem even harder than dating. Juggling the social interactions of your kids as well as your own is a complicated dance, and many parents often end up feeling lonely and without support. Here are some tips to planning play dates in your own home in order to foster friendship for you and your children.


Build a friendship group

If you’re searching for friends for you and your children, consider local playgroups and preschools. Your children are most likely to play well with friends and kids they see often, so utilise the resources you already have and chat to parents at the school gate or playground. Playdates are just as much for parents as they are for children, so invite parents you’d like to get to know better or have things in common with already. If you can, arrange to meet parents one evening without your children, so you can get to know each other properly and start to form the bonds without little ones tugging at your sleeves. A wine bar, casual dinner, or movie night are all great bonding opportunities, or choose another event you will all enjoy.

via Local Ecologist

                                     

Rotate playdates

By setting up a playdate schedule, you and your children will feel a sense of regularity and come to expect and look forward to playdates. Scheduled playdates have the added benefit of spreading out hosting duties. When you play at other’s homes, offer to bring snacks or toys to help out other parents, but most parents will likely prefer to take turns and prepare their own snacks when they host. When your turn to host comes around, try to be flexible about your home: remember that the happiest homes are often the messiest, or your guests will pick up on your stress level. Keeping calm and relaxed helps everyone to have a great time!

via Creative Kid Snacks

Create a child friendly play space

If you have children, your home will likely already be set up for child friendly play. Designate a safe space for children to play semi-independently (a playroom or part of the living room work well) while adults chat and hopefully find a little time to relax. The best playrooms have separate areas for different kinds of play. Art stations, quiet/reading corners, dressing up areas, and building tables are all vital parts of the playroom. Set up a few activities at the separate stations to foster independent play for your children and their guests.

via No Time for Flashcards

Theme playdates

Once your children have met a few times and are comfortable with each other, a regular playdate may start to seem a bit boring. Spice things up by offering themed meetups, such as teddy bear picnics, tea parties, or dressing up parties. You don’t have to go to too much trouble to satisfy your child’s imagination, but the little details do make a difference. Cut the crusts off some cucumber sandwiches, dress up with your fanciest jewellery, and get involved with your children during snack time to make their regular play dates feel extra special.

via Lillypaul Designs

By planning your own play dates, you can control your social schedule and your children’s play environment at the same time. Find a solid and reliable social group, rotate play dates, and keep things interesting with themed events. With any luck, you and your kids might just make a few lifelong friends.


For more tips and tricks, head to Modernize.com

First week of school - still getting into it!

First day of school - homework

The first few days of school have passed already. It has been hectic with sorting the after-care, extra-murals, parent meetings and helping with the homework. (And we only have the one child! "Phew!*)

Little Miss has been very tired after each day.

Her first feedback on her first day was that she very surprised that she did not learn to read on the first day!

Little Hoots - First day in Grade 1

Dad had been struggling with her being very clingy in the mornings when he goes to drop her off.
She doesn't want to play with the other friends. Only off course the one friend who does not always reciprocate!
How do you tell/learn a six year old that you can have and play with more than one friend?

We hope it's only because of the new year with new things and that Little Miss will become more relaxed as she gets used to everything.

-------

I had to make an unexpected visit to the dentist yesterday. Little Miss had been complaining about a toothache, but we put it down to all the milk teeth being lost in recent months.

Dr Wayne

It was with a new dentist, but Dr Wayne turned out to be a gem as well. He can speak good Afrikaans! (It was awesome!)

Little Miss cooperated and her tooth was fixed! (The previous time it was a whole hoo-ha! and we had to give her a mild sedative and we had to prepare her before the time...)

I am very proud of her for staying in the chair and sticking it out!

----

How is the New Year school year treating you?

Wordless Wednesday #253 - Trampoline friends

Friends and play dates

Friends!

They were counting the "sleeps" until their play date on Saturday! They were both as excited as could be.

I had to remind Little Missy not to announce it to everybody at school, because her other friends would feel excluded, but I don't think it helped! That was all they were talking about!

The friend were allowed to do gymnastics with Little Missy, and after that we did a McD's on the way home.

They kept themselves busy the whole afternoon, and all we heard was the giggling from the bedroom.


It reminded me how important these play dates are, and that we should try and schedule more of them. Especially for single children who don't have the regular interaction with brothers and sisters!

Movie Clip Monday #30 - Hot Wheels Party

Little Missy was invited to a Hot Wheels Party yesterday. They had so much fun driving the little cars.

Say "chappies"

Hot Wheels' cupcakes

Little girls can be so mean

She has a best best friend, a BFF, a favourite buddy she loves so much!

But this little girl has been mean to her since they became friends when she was only three. They were in the same class for two years, before we sighed a sigh of relief in the beginning of this year when they were finally split into separate classes. But they still see each other on the playground, and at after care...

Sometimes they play for days and everything is fine! Until the other girl decides that she's had enough, and she shuns our little girl. She tell her that she ugly and "eew" and do not want to play with her any more.
It seems that she has the upper hand in the friendship and that she calls the shots.

It breaks my heart! I have been feeling sad for her since yesterday afternoon when she told me that she was walking all on her own on the playground and the friend and nobody else wanted to play with her...

My daughter tells me that she knows she is a bully, but she still wants to play with her!

She makes plans the whole time of how to get the friend back:
She will invite her to her party, and she will be able to sleep over at our place.
She will give her the best cake at the party.
She will arrange a play date.
She will give her some of her lunch box.
(And I know she does that, because I had to ask the teacher to make sure that the other girl does not take all her food!)

A friend send me this pin today, without knowing about the most recent unhappiness! The four steps sounds like a very good idea that I am going to try!

Little Girls can be mean (Pinterest)

THE FOUR STEPS

Observe. Watch your child as a social being in a new way and how she responds to conflict
Connect with your child. “I notice that when your friend Katie leaves, you start fighting with your brother a lot. Are you sad that she’s leaving?” Help your daughter begin to notice things. You want to give empathy but NO problem solving. You’re setting yourself up as her partner. You’re becoming a team.
Guide. When you really are connected, together brainstorm and list all the things you can do to deal with the bully. All your ideas are valuable – even sending the bully to the moon. Write up a whole list of possibilities. What this does makes it seem like there are many solutions. That it’s not an insolvable problem.
Support the Act. Help your daughter choose one of two things herself that she’s going to do. Then role play what she’ll do. P.S. SHE chooses – NOT YOU says Anthony because your daughter is building inner strength inside herself. If the idea doesn’t work, go back to the list and choose another.

                                                                                - Imagination Soup 


Related posts:

- 42 months multiplied with cute

- The first feedback in Grade RR

Rainy weekend

We had a very wet weekend, and at one stage we thought the rain would never stop!
Our rain meter recorded over 100 millimetres, and then of course it overflowed!

All we wanted to do,  was this...

But we were extremely busy, and we had to rush from one appointment to another.
Luckily it was all fun, especially the wine tasting on Saturday afternoon, and the Rock Cod fish braai on Saturday. In the cold!

The Little Missy had a great weekend playing with friends, and with her cousins. We don't see her when the friends are around - she is off playing with them!

I realised this morning that her 3-4 year old clothes are not doing the job any more (I had hoped it would still see me through the winter)...
She complains that her stomach stays cold. So we are off to the shops this afternoon.

And the weekend is gone!


Hope your weekend was good?

Wordless Wednesday #127 - Friends playing at school