No friends

Lonely

What can the mother and father do to help?

I wish I can help, but don't know what to do except than trying to tell her to be nice to her friends? To be the friend she would like to have in her friends?

Little Miss has been complaining for the past few weeks that she has no friends at school. She does not have friends to play with during break times, or at the aftercare.
She had the fall-out with a best buddy. She will never forget that day. It seems it is escalating. The heartache of girl politics is taking its toll! She is being excluded from the girl cliques.

She told her dad last night that she climbs a jungle gym at school during break times with a sandwich bag in her mouth, and eats her food while watching the playground... She took a file with papers and coloured pencils to school today to help her keep busy during breaks!

Oh, man!

It breaks my heart!

She will never forget this day!

Friend politics

Yesterday she told me "I will never forget this day!"
It was a rough day for Little Miss!

The little girls make us crazy with their relationship issues.

We saw a lot of it on the camp at Vredefort Dome this weekend.

Little Miss told me the previous day that her friend were forcing her to go where she wanted to go. By physically turning her around and pushing her... Little Miss told her that she should stop or she won't be playing with her anymore...

Today, the same friend told her that she is not her friend anymore. She ignored Little Miss and played with another friend in front of her, taunting her.

Little Miss had no friends for the school breaks. She said she cried a lot!

She said she will never forget this day!

Little Miss is definitely not the innocent one! She can't expect her friend to keep on playing with her when she told her the previous day she wasn't playing with her! I told her that she also cannot be prescriptive with her friendships, and to tell them what they should and shouldn't do! Also that she should have more than one special friend, and that she should play with a group of friends...

But I had a very sad little girl with me tonight!
Little Miss also told me this morning that she can't wait for 6 days to pass. Apparently there is a week's block on the friendship. (I only heard about it today.) But luckily she's got an old friend willing to play with her who also had a fall-out with her regular friends....


Just this week Sharon of The Blessed Barrenness also had an issue with mean girls...

Grey hairs!
I KNOW why it's grey!

How do we help them negotiate this minefield of relationships? I always try to teach to be the friend you want your friends to be! I hope it sinks in!

Looking at the related posts below, it seems this is a recurring theme!
Sigh! SIGH! SIGH!

But maybe this is the way the girls learn how to negotiate relationships with their friends, and we should welcome it and try to teach with each episode?


Related posts:

- Girl politics and how to teach them to not be bullies

- The heartache of girl politics

- Bullying, we are stronger than we think

- Little girls can be so mean!

Play dates and sayings

The two Besties have been planning their play date for weeks, and each afternoon I hear the dreaded "When?" and "How?" and exchanging of parents' telephone numbers.

So I HAD TO call the other mom and we organised a play date for last week Friday afternoon at the local Spur. The girls had a ball!

Now they are planning the next one!

The sleepover!

Yesterday I had to hear about all the plans for December. But while they were asking when and how, it came up in conversation that the Bestie wants her mom to come along as well! Because she still goes to sleep next to her!
Little Miss immediately chimed in and told her that her mom and dad also sleeps next to her!

So I could remind them that it's not a sleepover. If she can't come without her mom, she still has to wait a few years! Or they will have to hold each others' hands!
You could see that Bestie was not convinced...

I wonder what plans they will have made by this afternoon?

Girl politics and how to teach them not be bullies!

Girl politics are a nightmare!

This is a second time I am going through the highs and lows of friendships with a little girl.
There are more politics in these friendships than the politics of South Africa! (What it sometimes feels like!) To Little Miss of course, but also to us while we have to listen to all the sad stories each day! I'm sure it is more complex and exhausting than the stuff we hear on the news every day.

I hear about the best friend who do not want to play with her! And then sometimes only at certain times. Then Little Miss is all alone during recess at school, and she doesn't have any friends. Then another girl wants to play with Little Miss, but Little Miss does not want to play with her...

The politics are all about including and excluding!
They are all reverting to this bully behaviour! Little Miss included!

We do not see a lonely girl when we fetch her at school. She is always busy playing with someone! The Teacher has also thrown an eye, and she also doesn't see the "outcast" as she complains she is!

We had a Parent evening last week, and I discussed the friends' issue with the Teacher. Little Miss was there. The Teacher suggested that she plays with a little girl in the class who also complains about being alone. The response was: "But I don't like her! I don't want to play with her!"
(Me: *Throws hands in air with eyes rolling!*)

That made me realise that we have work to do with Little Miss.
We have to teach and preach her to be a good friend. She cannot continue telling girls that she does not want to play with them. If she does not follow this rule, she can't expect other girls to play with her!

I remember that I used to make bed time prayers with the eldest about trying to be a good friend every day! In the end it did pay off!

I hope it works again!
(Because no two girls are the same!)

How are you handling the girl politics?


Related post:

- Girl friends

Movie Clip Monday #30 - Hot Wheels Party

Little Missy was invited to a Hot Wheels Party yesterday. They had so much fun driving the little cars.

Say "chappies"

Hot Wheels' cupcakes

Wordless Wednesday #127 - Friends playing at school

Toddler and friends

Friends are a very big deal to the Toddler! She is always telling us she wants to go and play with so-and-so!

When we buy anything for her, she also keeps a sweet or a toy for a specific friend, called Cara. I had to promise her the other day that I would buy another present for the friend. Because I kept an extra McDonald’s toy in my handbag (a back-up), and she was very upset...
It was her friend’s toy! (She can't open it!)

At 32 months (Toddler out of the box) she is still playing alongside the friends, not with them. “Mine” is also a word being heard regularly! But the friends being there are very important...

Even though she sees play mates at day care every day, she still feels the need for her special friends!

Girl friends

If there is one thing I want to learn my girls is how to appreciate their friends...

At about six years of age  the eldest used to complain about fights with her friends at school.
"This one wants to play with that one, and she doesn't want to play with that one..." And so forth!
Day after day I had to listen to the dramas in Little Girls' country! It was all about girls' politics!
(I hear from friends that it is the normal age for that to happen.)

It does not stop, but they become better at handling rejection as well as treating others with empathy and understanding!

I explained to my six year old that she had to be the best friend she could be!
She had  to be the friend who did not differentiate, and who treated everybody the way she would like to be treated.It also helps to understand that you should have lots of friends, and not only a Best Friend!


It worked! I am planning to do the same again when the toddler reaches that age!

In the meantime it is all about teaching the toddler the concept of sharing! The toddler did not want to leave the swing on Saturday at Tiny Tumbles... (see photo)

How do you handle the friendship dramas?
Do you sometimes step in when things turn ugly, or do you let her sort it out on her own?