Inspiring Melanie Jacobs leaving footprints

Melanie Jacobs

I have met a most inspiring person through my future son-in-law. She's his sister, and she has a great story to tell. After reading her story, you will understand why footprints are such an important part of her message! Although she has physical limitations, she is a model, motivational speaker as well as a role-model to girls!

Questions to an inspiring woman

Overcoming obstacles against all odds

Being bullied for using a car seat

Little Miss regularly comes home telling us that the other kids are saying that she is a baby for still sitting in a car seat. They see it when we drop her off or fetch from school. It bothers her! (Of course!)

I have to ask if the parents don't care?

I even heard it two weeks back when I picked up two of her friends at school. When they saw the car seat they asked her in condescending tones why she is still sitting in one! I had to chip in and tell them that they should also still be sitting in booster seats, and that it is the safest way to commute in the car!

I have to ask if the parents don't care?

The #carseatfullstop campaign has been doing the rounds. I was not part of it, but I fully support it!

Little Miss was even a bit envious yesterday afternoon when one of her friends got into the front seat of the nanny's car, without strapping in...

I have to ask if the parents don't care?

My speech usually revolves around children who get hurt when they are not strapped in properly, and not seated in a proper car seat. Would the children still be laughing at her when they get hurt? Would the parents still think it is okay when they are in an accident and their children get hurt?
We also tell her that it is law, and that we are expected to buckle them in!

What more can I say to her?

The children in her age group are 8 years. Surely they still need to be in car seats?

It bothers me that so many children can get injured unnecessarily!


I have to ask if the parents don't care?



Photos found through a "car seat" search on my iPhone. (Love this new iOS Memories feature!)

No friends

Lonely

What can the mother and father do to help?

I wish I can help, but don't know what to do except than trying to tell her to be nice to her friends? To be the friend she would like to have in her friends?

Little Miss has been complaining for the past few weeks that she has no friends at school. She does not have friends to play with during break times, or at the aftercare.
She had the fall-out with a best buddy. She will never forget that day. It seems it is escalating. The heartache of girl politics is taking its toll! She is being excluded from the girl cliques.

She told her dad last night that she climbs a jungle gym at school during break times with a sandwich bag in her mouth, and eats her food while watching the playground... She took a file with papers and coloured pencils to school today to help her keep busy during breaks!

Oh, man!

It breaks my heart!

She will never forget this day!

Friend politics

Yesterday she told me "I will never forget this day!"
It was a rough day for Little Miss!

The little girls make us crazy with their relationship issues.

We saw a lot of it on the camp at Vredefort Dome this weekend.

Little Miss told me the previous day that her friend were forcing her to go where she wanted to go. By physically turning her around and pushing her... Little Miss told her that she should stop or she won't be playing with her anymore...

Today, the same friend told her that she is not her friend anymore. She ignored Little Miss and played with another friend in front of her, taunting her.

Little Miss had no friends for the school breaks. She said she cried a lot!

She said she will never forget this day!

Little Miss is definitely not the innocent one! She can't expect her friend to keep on playing with her when she told her the previous day she wasn't playing with her! I told her that she also cannot be prescriptive with her friendships, and to tell them what they should and shouldn't do! Also that she should have more than one special friend, and that she should play with a group of friends...

But I had a very sad little girl with me tonight!
Little Miss also told me this morning that she can't wait for 6 days to pass. Apparently there is a week's block on the friendship. (I only heard about it today.) But luckily she's got an old friend willing to play with her who also had a fall-out with her regular friends....


Just this week Sharon of The Blessed Barrenness also had an issue with mean girls...

Grey hairs!
I KNOW why it's grey!

How do we help them negotiate this minefield of relationships? I always try to teach to be the friend you want your friends to be! I hope it sinks in!

Looking at the related posts below, it seems this is a recurring theme!
Sigh! SIGH! SIGH!

But maybe this is the way the girls learn how to negotiate relationships with their friends, and we should welcome it and try to teach with each episode?


Related posts:

- Girl politics and how to teach them to not be bullies

- The heartache of girl politics

- Bullying, we are stronger than we think

- Little girls can be so mean!

The heartache of girl politics

I was met by a very upset face yesterday. A friend "made up with her after they had a fight, and told her that she would play with her yesterday". But she did not follow up with her promise...
She was extremely upset (and unpleasant) for the rest of the afternoon!

My heart breaks for her!

I know Little Miss plays her own politics, and sometimes also does not want to play with some of her girl friends. She was busy making a present for her friend (A McD Minion covered in a pretty envelope) yesterday afternoon. To give at school today. (My bleeding heart! sic)

I have tried to explain (countless times!) that she can play with more than one friend, and that she should always be the friend that everybody wants to play with!

Shame, my Little One. (I wish I could make it better!)
I hope you have nice friends today!



Related posts:

- Girl politics, and how to teach them to not be bullies

- Bullying, we are stronger than we think

Bullying: We are stronger than we think!

I was alerted to Elsa’s website, Stronger than you think, by Lynette (A work in Progress) who is her sister. Elsa’s daughter disappeared with a friend, and was only found 4 days later. (This is of course great news!)
All because of bullying at school!

They knew that her daughter was unhappy and that she was bullied, but they were hoping to sort it out with the school. This did not have a satisfactory result.

Elsa has learnt a couple of lessons along the way. I am also worried about the girl politics at school and the fact that little girls can be so mean to each other! We get feedback on a daily basis about the ugly things the little girls say to each other! It makes Little Miss very unhappy!

Elsa wrote me the following, and she agreed that I can share it on my blog:

“Since I started making noises about the prevalence of bullying and what I perceive to be the inability or unwillingness of the school staff to deal with it, I have had a lot of responses from all over the world... it is quite overwhelming.

I am hoping that the website I am setting up will be a place where people can find encouragement, support and maybe some help/advice for dealing with their own situations. 

Three of my four children have had to deal with bullies. My son has been the only one subjected to physical bullying. We spent quite a bit of time on phone calls to and meeting with the principal and teachers. Unfortunately there was very little done about it, but we most certainly made a lot of noise. My son is no longer being bullied. Not because they stopped being bullies but because he started Muay Thai which has given him the confidence to stand up for himself.

Both my daughters were subjected to verbal bullying directly and through the spreading of rumours as well as cyber bullying. My eldest dealt with it by facing up to them, but my youngest is a marshmallow who could not deal with it at all - she became so paranoid that she no longer felt safe at home, even. She ran away with a friend and was missing for 4 days. It was hell. Since her return we have moved her to a private school and she is also seeing a counsellor. We are hopeful that she will be able to deal with any new problems in the future. 

I am sorry to hear that your daughter already has to deal with other mean kids. I unfortunately don't have any fool proof answers as to how to stop it. Emma (my youngest) was teased and insulted daily when she was that age. It broke my heart. Unfortunately the only thing I could do was to counsel her not to resort to the same bad behaviour, to avoid the nasty girls as much as she could and to tell the teacher when she felt she couldn't cope with it. My husband and I raised the matter with the school several times and insisted that something be done about it, with no noticeable results. Eventually they found someone else to pick on and left her alone. There is no feeling of victory in that, is there?

As a parent, you have the right to insist that the adults where your child is attending keep her safe. You may be able to reach out to the parents of the children involved - hopefully they will be receptive. Quite often they are not, but it is worth a try. You can also look into your legal rights and whether you can involve the police.

I thought I would mention to you what a friend of mine's gorgeous child is doing, because I think it is a brilliant idea.  She started a colouring-in club at her school (she is 9). This provides a place for children who do not feel safe during break times to get together and participate in activities. She started the club about a month ago and now has 21 children who regularly participate. Her mother, I and a few other people are providing the supplies. It is inexpensive and effective. So at least for now those little ones are safe from their tormentors.”


Thanks Elsa!

I was just reminded again that we can’t ignore these things or tell our children to ignore it!
We have to act and to help them to handle the bullies! I love the idea of a colouring club!


Elsa is based in Australia, but the problem of bullying is a worldwide one!
You can help Elsa by sending details of where to get help in your own country:
elsa @ stronger than you think .me
Elsa's website is also going live next Tuesday, and it will be worth checking out more stories, including an interview with Kitty who started the colouring club at her school.


Related post: 

- iSchool giving Young SA a Voice to speak out against gender based violence #endGBV

Little girls can be so mean

She has a best best friend, a BFF, a favourite buddy she loves so much!

But this little girl has been mean to her since they became friends when she was only three. They were in the same class for two years, before we sighed a sigh of relief in the beginning of this year when they were finally split into separate classes. But they still see each other on the playground, and at after care...

Sometimes they play for days and everything is fine! Until the other girl decides that she's had enough, and she shuns our little girl. She tell her that she ugly and "eew" and do not want to play with her any more.
It seems that she has the upper hand in the friendship and that she calls the shots.

It breaks my heart! I have been feeling sad for her since yesterday afternoon when she told me that she was walking all on her own on the playground and the friend and nobody else wanted to play with her...

My daughter tells me that she knows she is a bully, but she still wants to play with her!

She makes plans the whole time of how to get the friend back:
She will invite her to her party, and she will be able to sleep over at our place.
She will give her the best cake at the party.
She will arrange a play date.
She will give her some of her lunch box.
(And I know she does that, because I had to ask the teacher to make sure that the other girl does not take all her food!)

A friend send me this pin today, without knowing about the most recent unhappiness! The four steps sounds like a very good idea that I am going to try!

Little Girls can be mean (Pinterest)

THE FOUR STEPS

Observe. Watch your child as a social being in a new way and how she responds to conflict
Connect with your child. “I notice that when your friend Katie leaves, you start fighting with your brother a lot. Are you sad that she’s leaving?” Help your daughter begin to notice things. You want to give empathy but NO problem solving. You’re setting yourself up as her partner. You’re becoming a team.
Guide. When you really are connected, together brainstorm and list all the things you can do to deal with the bully. All your ideas are valuable – even sending the bully to the moon. Write up a whole list of possibilities. What this does makes it seem like there are many solutions. That it’s not an insolvable problem.
Support the Act. Help your daughter choose one of two things herself that she’s going to do. Then role play what she’ll do. P.S. SHE chooses – NOT YOU says Anthony because your daughter is building inner strength inside herself. If the idea doesn’t work, go back to the list and choose another.

                                                                                - Imagination Soup 


Related posts:

- 42 months multiplied with cute

- The first feedback in Grade RR

University initiation - How long should it last?

Initiation at university. 

We became aware this year of how prevalent it still is in our higher institutions of education. 

I felt in the beginning of the year that I had failed my child for allowing her to have to go through this type of treatment to have a place to stay while studying.

The worst. The initiation has still not ended. It is nearly end of the year, and the exams are around the corner. 

They are still being subjected to initiation practices. They have not been discharged from the practices, although all the rest of the residences have finished with these practices in August or earlier. 

My thoughts are that it should not happen at all, but at least that it should not be allowed to take as long as this. 

As far as I know the University has a policy that says that it should end at the end of August!

I think it is just a formal nod to bullies to continue with their bullying behaviour! 

The practice of initiation creates bullies! 

I am really not impressed! Every time my daughter thinks this is the evening that they are going to be discharged and that the practise would end...

Holding thumbs that it will be the end this weekend! 

I am sorry, my girl!

How long should it last, do you think?

(Photo taken last night)

Related posts:

This year of First Years can make a difference - initiation

Initiation update - as sick as a dog

"This is not initiation!"

Have we failed our children? - Initiation

Orientation seems a lot like initiation

“THIS IS NOT INITIATION!"

I was so excited to start the next stage of my life: UNIVERSITY.

My parents and my boyfriend helped me to move in.
I tried to gulp down my tears when they left, but failed miserably.

When all the parents were gone; the House Committee told us to go and stand in the recreational room and be quiet. They left the room and only returned 10 minutes later. When they returned, they started to close all the rooms and blinds. All I could remember of that moment was that it felt like the bad cop interrogation style. The room was dark and suddenly they started yelling at us.

They yelled things like: “You are useless!” “You don’t belong here!” “You are not worthy of this hostel”

The screaming went on for days. We had to learn millions of songs and ‘traditions’ at the speed of light. We had to march in rows EVERYWHERE! All the girls had to wear the same clothes and have the same hairstyles, because we are a unity, you know.

We had a busy program everyday from 5am till 12pm every day, but after that it wasn’t bedtime. Oh no, then we had to create and revise songs for some important person on campus. Oh wait, we also had to make cards for every House Committee member for the mornings (WHY, I ask you! #pointless!!!!!!!!!!!)

Just when things started to get better, we heard that the seniors were coming and they wanted revenge. They wanted revenge, because we “took” their friends’ places in the residence.

OMW! Never in my life was I so scared as I was that evening of seniors’ meeting. We came back from activities and near the residence we heard chains clanking on the metal bars.
Painted faces screaming: “We want blood! We want blood!”

As we went inside, the seniors came down from all the floors and stood around us. They screamed so loud. They shouted that they hate us and we are nothing. My ears hurt for days after.

I live on floor 6. The seniors on that floor are reported as being the meanest and scariest! They taught us to greet our floor, the bear, the tree, every senior and second year. All in ONE night!

Every time we got it wrong they screamed our ears off of our heads! I was too scared to go to the loo! I was too scared to go shower. I was too scared for anything. No wait, I wasn’t scared of those things... I was afraid of the nasty, screaming, bitchy seniors!

The House Committee and seniors never even once told us that we did something right. They just wanted to scar our humanity!

I started getting very sick and the HC didn’t give a damn. When my mom called and DEMANDED that I get medical help, they said to the whole group that we must toughen up and stop being sissies.
I was finally allowed to go to the doctor. I had influenza and throat infection. The doctor was furious that the HC didn’t allow me to get medical attention sooner. She told me that I couldn’t be part of anymore activities and that I should go home.

My mom made a complaint to the campus rector about their actions.
His reply was simply that initiation doesn’t exist...


Related posts:

- Have we failed our children? - initiation 

- Initiation update - as sick as a dog

Have we failed our children? - Initiation

To take them to higher institutions of learning that still carry on with the age-old initiation practices of bullying and emotional abuse?

I have to tell my first year that it is not as bad as it seems, although I despised the practices years ago when I was subjected to it.

The bullying stays the same!

I feel that I have failed my child!

I have entrusted my child to be taken care of in a residence where they are subjected to violent practices I would never have done to my own child.

Now apparently I have given “permission” for seniors who are only two to three years older to subject my daughter to tyranny!

They call it “Ontvangs- en Bekendstelling” (Welcome & Introduction), but it’s far from the truth!

• She is afraid to walk in her own residence because of the verbal abuse they are subjected to when encountering a senior or House Committee (HC) member.
• She is afraid to go to the toilet!
• She does not get enough sleep, and that has been the case for two weeks now.
• After they have finished with them - subjected them to all kinds of abusive rituals – they have to “prepare stuff” for the following day. Usually after 12 at night!
• They are forced to look down when encountering a senior, but they have to know all of the senior’s names (without looking at them)!
• They are forced to address the entire senior corps as Sir or Miss.
• I have to look at status updates such as “Hate this place!”; “Hate this! I am so over this crap!”; “No sleep for me tonight!”; “Do not want to go to the residence!”
• She said they were told that they would be in big trouble if they complain!
• They are not allowed to go anywhere without permission, and they are kept busy 24/7 with stuff such as “flowers” folding for the upcoming Rag on Saturday.

This is definitely not orientation, but initiation!

It doesn’t help to tell me that one day she will look back and laugh at this! 

This is not how a society should treat its “first year’s”!

Why can’t all the parents stand up and say “enough is enough”?

We don’t want our children subjected to this!

Instead we are scared to become a lone voice for fear of our child being victimized!

I am so sorry, my child!

I have thought we have moved past this!

This is happening at NWU Potchefstroom at the residences.

Judging by Twitter and the newspapers it is happening at other universities as well…

We have not evolved at all!

Related post:
Orientation seems a lot like initiation

My toddler hurts me

Dear Auntie

My toddler is nearly three and he is hurting me, almost on a daily basis!

He hurts me real bad. I’ve got bruises to show for it, especially on my arms.

He is a big boy and he pinches me, even in my face!

I have tried everything:

-    Talking to him.
-    Crying in front of him.
-    Ignoring the pinching and trying to focus his attention on something else.
-    Ignoring him.
-    Walking away.
-    Giving him a hiding.
-    Threatening him with no presents from Father Christmas.
-    Pinching him back.

I am not proud of all of it, but nothing seems to work!

I don’t know how to handle the situation anymore!

I try to be there for my child as much as possible. (I have been called a “helicopter” parent).

My son cannot complain about me not being there for him. He also does not allow for me to be too far away from him…

I sense that it has got something to do with insecurities…
Maybe because his father and I are divorced?

Am I a bad parent?

What have I done wrong?

Please help!


What do I do with my toddler who bullies his own mother?