Wordless Wednesday #311 Lovers' Lane

Graduation and the end of an era

We attended the final graduation ceremony of the Student yesterday. She received her post-graduate diploma in Management. She finally finished her final subject in Accounting with a distinction after she did not make it last year!

The day was filled with pride, but also with nostalgic reflection of a time that has passed very quickly!

It was the best of times!
It was a difficult time, especially in the first year of initiation!
It was a time of great friendships!
It was a time of hard work!
It was a time of play!

I am so glad that my daughter had this time in her life!

I think that is one of the greatest accomplishments for parents when their children successfully earn their qualifications to get a kick-start in life!

The friends...

 A special person...

The family...

Thanks to a Dad who had to drive the taxi when the lifts failed. He even drove one evening from a function to pick up his sick daughter to bring her back home before he went back to his work conference.

My eldest is not a Teen nor a Student anymore!
I feel like shedding a tear and shouting Hallelujah at the same time!

So proud of you!
You are my the my example of Parenting-done-right!
Well done, my girl!

She got the Superhero Cape!

We attended the graduation ceremony of The Student yesterday! She finally got the graduation cape and the hat, and she got her few seconds to shine on the stage!

It was a proud mom-moment, because it feels like we have achieved something as well!

I know I did not do any of the hard work, or worked through the nights, or helped her with any of the studies. (Only a little bit of research some times from my side...)

But we made it possible for her to study. (Cha-ching!! and I am only starting to work back the bursary...) There were times that we said we did not know how we are going to do it, but our focus will be on the completion of the studies. She also knew there was no do-over available! This was it!

And she did it!

I am very proud of her, and so glad that she has something to show for her hard work.
The speaker spoke about the importance of time yesterday: "The importance of a year is so much more appreciated by a student who has to re-do that one year!..."

The wonderful time at university she is having now, is coming to an end at the end of the year. I hope and I know that she is making the best of it! (So glad she is enjoying it!)

It was only the other day I complained about the initiation practices, and in the meantime they have abolished most of it!
We had some pep talks along the way to keep her going, and she also learnt valuable life lessons while studying.

But here we are! She is busy with a post-graduate diploma, and busy thinking about the next stages of life already!

And we are left with the question: "How did it get here so quickly!"

Well done, my girl!
Love you!

More superhero poses can be found here: Wordless Wednesday #259 - Superhero poses #graduation 

Initiation still ongoing at university

Time for the Soap Box:

Each year I hope that they would finally see the light and that they would stop with the practices of initiation at university...

But each year the previous year's first year students are allowed to go off on and bully their fellow students. They are allowed to scare their fellow students shit-less and they are allowed to take a superior stance over the junior students coming into the establishment.

I have heard that it is not as bad at certain institutions, but I have seen and heard again that it is exactly the same our  Student experienced two years ago. I felt at that stage that I had failed my daughter for sending her to this establishment.

I saw on Saturday groups of people dressed in the same clothes. It did not look enjoyable at all jumping after a ball. I heard no laughing. They were just going through the motions!

This group below was walking in groups of three's, holding hands, with seniors walking behind, with a big red emergency bag at her side. Maybe it is good that there is an emergency bag, but what it say that there is a necessity for an emergency bag?

When we walked past a group of juniors, there was this muffled greetings from each of them. Poor girls. They are forced to greet all the seniors with titles.

Yesterday evening the senior had to dress and paint their faces in ugly scary white, red and black and there was a lot of shouting and screaming. This is a tradition apparently to introduce the seniors to the juniors. The poor juniors can't even recognise the seniors with their war paint, and they are targeted when they are really tired already.

It is bullying and abuse!

It is not necessary! 

It does not say a whole lot about us as a society! 

Why can't the juniors be welcomed in a happy stress-free environment?

Why do they have to be bullied into submission?

I don't understand it! At all! 

Harlem Shake - The Student needs your views, please

She's the one with the orange shirt and green skirt on the left, with the medical overcoat :D

Second Year at Varsity

The Student is off for her second year studies at university!
She is looking forward to it.
(An understatement! She cannot wait!)

This year this mother can relax a little bit much!

There is no more of the initiation worries of the first year, and me feeling that I have failed my child for sending her to a place that was the worst with regards these types of practices.
The initiation lasted much longer last year than we had hoped, but in the end she came through it!

Luckily, we have not heard of any bad practices so far, but I will definitely report back if we get to hear of nasty practices still happening!
The Student has vowed not be be involved with any of this type of mistreatment of juniors in the residences!

This year she can focus more on her studies, but she can also have the time of her life on campus.

She has a new room-mate, and they seem a much better fit after she had to learn some life lessons while studying last year.

Hopefully a pep talk with the student would also not be necessary this year! (Hint ;-) )
This year she know how to organise and plan, and how to fit in the fun stuff!

I hope that she will have lots and loads of fun while getting her degree!

I am so proud of her for trying her utmost last year, and for seeing it through!

She passed all her subjects, and can now focus on doing her second year subjects!


Enjoy it, Young Lady!!

We are going to miss you!


Photo: A bit of fun at Pretville

University initiation - How long should it last?

Initiation at university. 

We became aware this year of how prevalent it still is in our higher institutions of education. 

I felt in the beginning of the year that I had failed my child for allowing her to have to go through this type of treatment to have a place to stay while studying.

The worst. The initiation has still not ended. It is nearly end of the year, and the exams are around the corner. 

They are still being subjected to initiation practices. They have not been discharged from the practices, although all the rest of the residences have finished with these practices in August or earlier. 

My thoughts are that it should not happen at all, but at least that it should not be allowed to take as long as this. 

As far as I know the University has a policy that says that it should end at the end of August!

I think it is just a formal nod to bullies to continue with their bullying behaviour! 

The practice of initiation creates bullies! 

I am really not impressed! Every time my daughter thinks this is the evening that they are going to be discharged and that the practise would end...

Holding thumbs that it will be the end this weekend! 

I am sorry, my girl!

How long should it last, do you think?

(Photo taken last night)

Related posts:

This year of First Years can make a difference - initiation

Initiation update - as sick as a dog

"This is not initiation!"

Have we failed our children? - Initiation

Orientation seems a lot like initiation

This year of First Years at university can make the difference - initiation

I am writing again about the First Years at university and their apparent "willing" participation at age-old rituals of initiation.

The first semester has been especially tough on them, having to cope with their studies, as well as having to accommodate all kinds of "requests" being in a residence at university. \
As part of the orientation initiation!

I still feel that I have failed my child because I had to ask her to stay on where she was.
Unfortunately we don't have the funds to buy or rent outside accommodation for our child.
We know of many parents who could afford it and who had to take the step of buying a flat and organised a vehicle for their children. I really would have done it if we could!

In the end the student had to "survive" and had to cope with bullying behaviour. She was forced to avoid certain eating areas because of being afraid of bullying behaviour of seniors. Up until now they have not been discharged from the whole initiation practise.
Luckily she was allowed to swop room mates, and it has contributed to a better studying arrangement. (Her current room mate is doing the same degree.)

The previous weekend they had to stay in to beautify their floors. They had to sell self-made stuff to generate funds, and they spent hours and hours in making the decorations.
They were very proud of their handiwork!

They also had to "zoob" for a "mother" in their residence - it means they had to flatter and try to win the favour of the person they wanted to be their "mother".  I got photos of the student with a dummy in her mouth, very happy with standing next to her "mother", a senior in the residence!

It has left me with a bad taste in the mouth!

I do not have a problem with having a mentor in the residence, but I think it is not necessary for them to spend time and money and to wait two months before the process is in place. Seniors could have been placed in mentoring positions from the start to help them cope with first year demands, and helping them with their studies. The first semester is done and dusted already!

The initiation has been "successful"!
In the end they have "willing lackeys" who are "happy and proud!" to be in the residence where they are!
(The indoctrination has been complete!)


My wish is that this year's First Year's will stand up next year and say that they won't be part of the initiation ever again!
Apparently it is the second year students who are the worst!



My wish is that next year the second year students will say:


- We want an orientation programme where the first years will know  everything about campus and university and studies before they start with their courses.
- We do not want bullying!
- We do not want students dying (Yes, it's happening every year!!), having to drop their studies or having to give up staying in a residence!
- We want to welcome the First Years with open arms.
- We do not want fear!
- We do not want belittling or dehumanization!
- We want to help them and show them the best practices!

It takes just one year to break this sick practise!



Related posts: 


Orientation seems a lot like initiation
This is not initiation!
Have we failed our children? - initiation

“THIS IS NOT INITIATION!"

I was so excited to start the next stage of my life: UNIVERSITY.

My parents and my boyfriend helped me to move in.
I tried to gulp down my tears when they left, but failed miserably.

When all the parents were gone; the House Committee told us to go and stand in the recreational room and be quiet. They left the room and only returned 10 minutes later. When they returned, they started to close all the rooms and blinds. All I could remember of that moment was that it felt like the bad cop interrogation style. The room was dark and suddenly they started yelling at us.

They yelled things like: “You are useless!” “You don’t belong here!” “You are not worthy of this hostel”

The screaming went on for days. We had to learn millions of songs and ‘traditions’ at the speed of light. We had to march in rows EVERYWHERE! All the girls had to wear the same clothes and have the same hairstyles, because we are a unity, you know.

We had a busy program everyday from 5am till 12pm every day, but after that it wasn’t bedtime. Oh no, then we had to create and revise songs for some important person on campus. Oh wait, we also had to make cards for every House Committee member for the mornings (WHY, I ask you! #pointless!!!!!!!!!!!)

Just when things started to get better, we heard that the seniors were coming and they wanted revenge. They wanted revenge, because we “took” their friends’ places in the residence.

OMW! Never in my life was I so scared as I was that evening of seniors’ meeting. We came back from activities and near the residence we heard chains clanking on the metal bars.
Painted faces screaming: “We want blood! We want blood!”

As we went inside, the seniors came down from all the floors and stood around us. They screamed so loud. They shouted that they hate us and we are nothing. My ears hurt for days after.

I live on floor 6. The seniors on that floor are reported as being the meanest and scariest! They taught us to greet our floor, the bear, the tree, every senior and second year. All in ONE night!

Every time we got it wrong they screamed our ears off of our heads! I was too scared to go to the loo! I was too scared to go shower. I was too scared for anything. No wait, I wasn’t scared of those things... I was afraid of the nasty, screaming, bitchy seniors!

The House Committee and seniors never even once told us that we did something right. They just wanted to scar our humanity!

I started getting very sick and the HC didn’t give a damn. When my mom called and DEMANDED that I get medical help, they said to the whole group that we must toughen up and stop being sissies.
I was finally allowed to go to the doctor. I had influenza and throat infection. The doctor was furious that the HC didn’t allow me to get medical attention sooner. She told me that I couldn’t be part of anymore activities and that I should go home.

My mom made a complaint to the campus rector about their actions.
His reply was simply that initiation doesn’t exist...


Related posts:

- Have we failed our children? - initiation 

- Initiation update - as sick as a dog

Have we failed our children? - Initiation

To take them to higher institutions of learning that still carry on with the age-old initiation practices of bullying and emotional abuse?

I have to tell my first year that it is not as bad as it seems, although I despised the practices years ago when I was subjected to it.

The bullying stays the same!

I feel that I have failed my child!

I have entrusted my child to be taken care of in a residence where they are subjected to violent practices I would never have done to my own child.

Now apparently I have given “permission” for seniors who are only two to three years older to subject my daughter to tyranny!

They call it “Ontvangs- en Bekendstelling” (Welcome & Introduction), but it’s far from the truth!

• She is afraid to walk in her own residence because of the verbal abuse they are subjected to when encountering a senior or House Committee (HC) member.
• She is afraid to go to the toilet!
• She does not get enough sleep, and that has been the case for two weeks now.
• After they have finished with them - subjected them to all kinds of abusive rituals – they have to “prepare stuff” for the following day. Usually after 12 at night!
• They are forced to look down when encountering a senior, but they have to know all of the senior’s names (without looking at them)!
• They are forced to address the entire senior corps as Sir or Miss.
• I have to look at status updates such as “Hate this place!”; “Hate this! I am so over this crap!”; “No sleep for me tonight!”; “Do not want to go to the residence!”
• She said they were told that they would be in big trouble if they complain!
• They are not allowed to go anywhere without permission, and they are kept busy 24/7 with stuff such as “flowers” folding for the upcoming Rag on Saturday.

This is definitely not orientation, but initiation!

It doesn’t help to tell me that one day she will look back and laugh at this! 

This is not how a society should treat its “first year’s”!

Why can’t all the parents stand up and say “enough is enough”?

We don’t want our children subjected to this!

Instead we are scared to become a lone voice for fear of our child being victimized!

I am so sorry, my child!

I have thought we have moved past this!

This is happening at NWU Potchefstroom at the residences.

Judging by Twitter and the newspapers it is happening at other universities as well…

We have not evolved at all!

Related post:
Orientation seems a lot like initiation

Orientation seems a lot like initiation

I would have been mad from anger and bitterness if they had phoned me from university to tell me that my child had died at university. Even before he had started with his studies...

They call it orientation, but the same old practices that we had been subjected to, are still being practised in higher institutions!

I thought we had moved on?
Apparently not!

The same barbaric rituals of name-calling, uniforming and belittling takes place again.
Today!

I don't know how it is possible for a student to die in a swimming pool where there were 3000 people and nobody saw hom dying? Nobody missed him until later...

But I do know that it is practices of initiation that makes them shy to come forward to be picked upon.
Would he have said that he could not swim?
And then face some dire consequences?

I have always seen the people that do the initiation practices as going on power trips, as well as having insecurity issues!
I my days I could not stand any of the responsible people of the House Committee who screamed at us, and made us afraid to move around...

My own daughter was still afraid on Sunday to move on her own floor in her residence in case she has to face a HC member... A week after the "orientation" started!

They are starting a new life, in new surroundings, and without their family members.
The trauma is increased exponentially when as soon as the parents leave they are being subjected to all sorts of rituals...

I am just venting!

Yes, sure! We had to go through it!
But is it really necessary?

I think it is barbaric and a sign of a lower evolved species!
When are we going to wake up and treat our fellow human beings with respect?
Even those who are younger and less experienced than us?

My thoughts go to the parents who have lost their child!
It seems we are still "dying for an education" here in South Africa!

One of the news articles:
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Student-drowns-during-orientation-at-NWU-20120122

A weekend of opposites

- We had to say goodbye to our student who was bouncing ball of readiness for her new life at varsity.

- The same day we had to encourage her to not see it "as the end of the world"!
   (Orientation, which includes initiation practices, are very much alive at university!)

- I had to suppress a few tears. My daughter is finally moving on!

- I had to smile at her exuberance!

- I am feeling a bit apprehensive and sorry for her, wondering if she would be able to cope with the verbal abuse?

- She got a warning for not remembering a senior's name! Three warnings gets you kicked out... Which made her very upset!

- We are saying that it's all bluff (and had a secret smile about it)!

- I am so excited about her being able to study and enter a new phase.

- My daughter don't know if she will be able to cope with the next three weeks!

- I told her that she would definitely be able to cope with it. She is very strong.
She "survived" her dad with his emotional games! She can do it!


I don't understand why you have to "break" someone to build them up again?
I also hated initiation in my days at varsity, but I thought it was a thing of the past?

You will be okay, my girl! I know you will!


Related post: 
Varsity, here I come!

Varsity, here I come!

Benji, the dog, with "tertiary aspirations"?

The student in our midst is like a wound-up jack-in-the-box!
I took a day's leave to sort out her list of things-to-buy... (Ouch!)

I bullied this short piece out of her. (Thanks, girl!)
It is great to see so much excitement about starting a new chapter in her life.

I am done with my school career and now my new chapter starts!

I am going to study BA Communication. It has everything to do with journalism to radio personalities to diplomats, you name it!

I want to do book editing when I’m done studying, but I’m also considering journalism.

I have written for my school newspaper and I enjoyed it so much! I’m also gonna try and write for the university newspaper.

I am in the residence which I fell in love with. 

My roommate looks like a very nice girl. She also plays netball and does track running.   

The colour of our residence is red and black, which I think is super awesome!! Colours like brown, orange and yellow is a NO GO, when it comes to uniform. I had those three colours as my primary school uniform...very bad!!

University is going to be very fun, but also a lot of work.

I will make a success of this! 

Wish me luck!