Initiation still ongoing at university

Time for the Soap Box:

Each year I hope that they would finally see the light and that they would stop with the practices of initiation at university...

But each year the previous year's first year students are allowed to go off on and bully their fellow students. They are allowed to scare their fellow students shit-less and they are allowed to take a superior stance over the junior students coming into the establishment.

I have heard that it is not as bad at certain institutions, but I have seen and heard again that it is exactly the same our  Student experienced two years ago. I felt at that stage that I had failed my daughter for sending her to this establishment.

I saw on Saturday groups of people dressed in the same clothes. It did not look enjoyable at all jumping after a ball. I heard no laughing. They were just going through the motions!

This group below was walking in groups of three's, holding hands, with seniors walking behind, with a big red emergency bag at her side. Maybe it is good that there is an emergency bag, but what it say that there is a necessity for an emergency bag?

When we walked past a group of juniors, there was this muffled greetings from each of them. Poor girls. They are forced to greet all the seniors with titles.

Yesterday evening the senior had to dress and paint their faces in ugly scary white, red and black and there was a lot of shouting and screaming. This is a tradition apparently to introduce the seniors to the juniors. The poor juniors can't even recognise the seniors with their war paint, and they are targeted when they are really tired already.

It is bullying and abuse!

It is not necessary! 

It does not say a whole lot about us as a society! 

Why can't the juniors be welcomed in a happy stress-free environment?

Why do they have to be bullied into submission?

I don't understand it! At all! 

Pep talk with the student

Maybe there is something that we did not say already, or it got lost in "translation"...


- This the best time of your life. Right now! Right there!

- Think about all the things you can be grateful of: Being able to study full-time, with no worries about lodging and food.

- You cannot fail. You can always do it over! Start again! Shift your focus!

- You are allowed to say no when student activities interfere with your studying.

- Worry about what is at hand right now. Not about what will happen next year.

- You have control of your life now! Do what is to be done NOW!

- You are allowed to play! But make sure that your work has been done! (It won't change when you start working.)

- You have to sacrifice for a greater goal sometimes. Your goal now is to get that degree!

- Stay in a weekend when there is work to be done... You will be so glad for the work you have done after the weekend.

- When your room is not conducive to study, work in the library.

- Talk to the lecturers when you have a problem.

- Ask for help!

- It is not "nice" to repeat a subject! It is extremely boring. Try to finish each subject within the correct time limit!

- Your boyfriend will be understanding when you can't go home on weekends. Your relationship won't suffer if it is meant to stand the test of time!

- Don't wish your life away till the next weekend! Enjoy each day!

- You are intelligent! You can do this!

- Decide what is important to you, and what you want from life! (You want the qualification to make a better life for yourself?)

- Enjoy!!


What more can I say to a student, struggling to find her balance in her first year?


(Photo: Patrick Pretorius Photography)

This year of First Years at university can make the difference - initiation

I am writing again about the First Years at university and their apparent "willing" participation at age-old rituals of initiation.

The first semester has been especially tough on them, having to cope with their studies, as well as having to accommodate all kinds of "requests" being in a residence at university. \
As part of the orientation initiation!

I still feel that I have failed my child because I had to ask her to stay on where she was.
Unfortunately we don't have the funds to buy or rent outside accommodation for our child.
We know of many parents who could afford it and who had to take the step of buying a flat and organised a vehicle for their children. I really would have done it if we could!

In the end the student had to "survive" and had to cope with bullying behaviour. She was forced to avoid certain eating areas because of being afraid of bullying behaviour of seniors. Up until now they have not been discharged from the whole initiation practise.
Luckily she was allowed to swop room mates, and it has contributed to a better studying arrangement. (Her current room mate is doing the same degree.)

The previous weekend they had to stay in to beautify their floors. They had to sell self-made stuff to generate funds, and they spent hours and hours in making the decorations.
They were very proud of their handiwork!

They also had to "zoob" for a "mother" in their residence - it means they had to flatter and try to win the favour of the person they wanted to be their "mother".  I got photos of the student with a dummy in her mouth, very happy with standing next to her "mother", a senior in the residence!

It has left me with a bad taste in the mouth!

I do not have a problem with having a mentor in the residence, but I think it is not necessary for them to spend time and money and to wait two months before the process is in place. Seniors could have been placed in mentoring positions from the start to help them cope with first year demands, and helping them with their studies. The first semester is done and dusted already!

The initiation has been "successful"!
In the end they have "willing lackeys" who are "happy and proud!" to be in the residence where they are!
(The indoctrination has been complete!)


My wish is that this year's First Year's will stand up next year and say that they won't be part of the initiation ever again!
Apparently it is the second year students who are the worst!



My wish is that next year the second year students will say:


- We want an orientation programme where the first years will know  everything about campus and university and studies before they start with their courses.
- We do not want bullying!
- We do not want students dying (Yes, it's happening every year!!), having to drop their studies or having to give up staying in a residence!
- We want to welcome the First Years with open arms.
- We do not want fear!
- We do not want belittling or dehumanization!
- We want to help them and show them the best practices!

It takes just one year to break this sick practise!



Related posts: 


Orientation seems a lot like initiation
This is not initiation!
Have we failed our children? - initiation

Initiation update - as sick as a dog!

Initiation continues unabated in the third week at university!

The poor girls are tired, tired, and tired!

I even got a message as parent from a House Committee (HC) member that the next three days are going to be more hectic because of the upcoming Rag festival on Saturday!

In the meantime the first year is as sick as a dog. She asked to be taken to the doctor yesterday, but was only taken to the pharmacy to get some medicines.
After that she had to continue taking part in all the activities until eleven last night. After which they had to make cards (?) for all the seniors...

I got worried yesterday afternoon, and tracked down the responsible Head of the Residence, a Professor.
I asked that somebody check in on her to see that she is okay.
All that he did was to phone the HC member.
The HC member told our student to sent me an sms from her own (the HCs) phone. (That really reassured me!)

I learnt after eleven last night - the first time that she could talk to me - that she was still not well...

This morning I phoned the Professor to demand that she sees a doctor today! (Yes, I am that mother!)
I said that I did not want any messages from a HC member anymore!
Apparently she's got an appointment at eleven, but she still has to take part in all activities. (I hope the doctor books her off!)

My thoughts on this:
- They are supposed to be adults now, but are treated like babies. She cannot move without informing the HC, and they have to accompany the first years.
- My daughter is very capable to decide when she needs to go and see a doctor, and she will do so when necessary.
- She is also allowed to rest when her body tells her so! (Bed rest is the best cure for sickness!)
- There is no adult supervision at the residence. My daughter does not know who the Head of Residence is and she hasn't seen him moving around. (We have heard more favourable news from other residences where the Heads are seen in the corridors.)
- The seniors are still given free reign in the residence.
- Why are there no guardians to check up on the first years? Where's the friendly "Mother"-figure at the residence?
- I have learnt that a first year got meningitis in the first week, and landed up in hospital. There is a stomach bug going around, and the doctor's waiting rooms are filled up!
- A student died there with this initiation process! There is not enough control for the safety of the students!
- They have to spent hours and hours in the sun until Saturday.
- I am listening to a lot of debates around the issue of initiation (orientation), and it still seems that there are a pervasive psyche in our society that says it is necessary to teach respect! I'm sorry! Respect is earned!
- People are saying that my son had this or that experience, or I had a terrible experience, but they still think it is  a necessary activity! I don't think it teaches you anything, and much less respect!
- It is still INITIATION being practised!

I really feel that my daughter is taken care of! NOT!

In the meantime I had to type up a CV for another residence which seems to treat the students more humanely... (Hold thumbs!)

Related posts:
Have we failed our children? - initiation
Orientation seems a lot like initiation 

Wordless Wednesday #113 - Missing the first year - 2 & half weeks

Have we failed our children? - Initiation

To take them to higher institutions of learning that still carry on with the age-old initiation practices of bullying and emotional abuse?

I have to tell my first year that it is not as bad as it seems, although I despised the practices years ago when I was subjected to it.

The bullying stays the same!

I feel that I have failed my child!

I have entrusted my child to be taken care of in a residence where they are subjected to violent practices I would never have done to my own child.

Now apparently I have given “permission” for seniors who are only two to three years older to subject my daughter to tyranny!

They call it “Ontvangs- en Bekendstelling” (Welcome & Introduction), but it’s far from the truth!

• She is afraid to walk in her own residence because of the verbal abuse they are subjected to when encountering a senior or House Committee (HC) member.
• She is afraid to go to the toilet!
• She does not get enough sleep, and that has been the case for two weeks now.
• After they have finished with them - subjected them to all kinds of abusive rituals – they have to “prepare stuff” for the following day. Usually after 12 at night!
• They are forced to look down when encountering a senior, but they have to know all of the senior’s names (without looking at them)!
• They are forced to address the entire senior corps as Sir or Miss.
• I have to look at status updates such as “Hate this place!”; “Hate this! I am so over this crap!”; “No sleep for me tonight!”; “Do not want to go to the residence!”
• She said they were told that they would be in big trouble if they complain!
• They are not allowed to go anywhere without permission, and they are kept busy 24/7 with stuff such as “flowers” folding for the upcoming Rag on Saturday.

This is definitely not orientation, but initiation!

It doesn’t help to tell me that one day she will look back and laugh at this! 

This is not how a society should treat its “first year’s”!

Why can’t all the parents stand up and say “enough is enough”?

We don’t want our children subjected to this!

Instead we are scared to become a lone voice for fear of our child being victimized!

I am so sorry, my child!

I have thought we have moved past this!

This is happening at NWU Potchefstroom at the residences.

Judging by Twitter and the newspapers it is happening at other universities as well…

We have not evolved at all!

Related post:
Orientation seems a lot like initiation