The Warrior Project addresses Domestic Violence

The Warrior Project logo

WOMEN-LED COLLABORATION TO TACKLE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic violence is a topic that is very near to my heart. The Warrior Project is live and free and available to those in need in South Africa.

The Warrior Project

• Providing victims with access to information and resources
• Established by Yvonne Wakefield (also founder of Caveat Legal), in collaboration with LawForAll and SweepSouth

New Relationships Talk by Michal Snyman

#AMamaNeedsToKnow - Michal Snyman

'Israeli born, Michal Snyman, a vibrant mother of three and a successful business owner. She shares her incredible story of starting "over" and finding love again, as well as creating a beautiful blended family.' 

I was incredulously listening to Michal Snyman on Thursday night when she told us that she goes to the mirror and says: "I am champion!", "I am beautiful", "I am sexy", "I am the best wife in the world", "I am the best mom in the world", "I am the best daughter in the world", and "I am the best sister in the world". The more she told us of how much she likes herself, and how much she values herself, the more I could resonate to it as well! Yes, she is the most beautiful and sexy and powerful woman I have seen. She is one of the most inspiring people I have met. She is all of that!

Marie Stopes New Healthcare Centre in Springs

Marie Stopes South Africa

Marie Stopes South Africa Enhancing Sexual and Reproductive Health Services for women in the community.

It's Women's month in August. We have just celebrated Women's Day last week in South Africa. Miss Fine just asked me last week if Women's Day and Mother's Day are the same. Women's Day in South Africa are celebrated because strong women stood up and marched against injustices. We honour them and we want to be like them. We have come a long way, but there's still so many injustices that needs to be addressed. One of them is giving women equality, dignity and freedom of choice. That's why I love what Marie Stopes South Africa is doing.

Marie Stopes SA

On Wednesday 22 August, Marie Stopes will be opening a brand new centre in Springs, in the Springs Mall. Marie Stopes have centres across South Africa to provide quality, affordable and comprehensive services. They do not judge, but help with safe and reliable services.

Grooming female scientists and engineers of the future

Parktown Girls

Stories about inspiring women and girls are always great to share! We got an email about Parktown Girls who are grooming female scientists and engineers. We have a Miss that only has a few years (3 years eeek!) before she also has to decide what direction she is going to go with regards her career and her subjects. How do we prepare girls like her to choose a career in STEM?

South Africa is in desperate need of qualified scientists and engineers. Compounding this, only 11% of engineers globally are female according to an article published by UNESCO in October 2017.  This is a worldwide phenomenon, despite a rising global demand for qualified science, technology, engineering and, maths (STEM) professionals.
Tracey Megom, Principal at Parktown High School for Girls, says the idea for a Science Centre was born 15 years ago, but the school initially struggled to come up with the money to build it, so parents started fundraising and looking for partners. Anglo American helped them with their dream by a multi-million Rand investment that is already impacting this skills gap.

Following Anglo American’s contribution, the construction of two conjoined laboratory and classroom facilities for life sciences, physics and chemistry began in 2015 and the science centre was opened in late 2016 to the school’s 1 100 pupils. Its effect was almost immediate: 30% more Grade 9 girls chose the sciences as matric subjects.

Parktown High School for Girls is a government high school in Johannesburg that serves a diverse grouping of girls across class, race, and culture, and happens to be one of Gauteng’s province top-performing schools. It boasts a consistent 100% matric pass rate and achieved a 97% Bachelor Degree entrance rate in the 2017 matric results.  The school has been acknowledged by the University of the Witwatersrand as its top feeder school.

Tracy Megom answers a few questions, about herself and how to inspire young girls.

Inspiring Melanie Jacobs leaving footprints

Melanie Jacobs

I have met a most inspiring person through my future son-in-law. She's his sister, and she has a great story to tell. After reading her story, you will understand why footprints are such an important part of her message! Although she has physical limitations, she is a model, motivational speaker as well as a role-model to girls!

Questions to an inspiring woman

Overcoming obstacles against all odds

Women in Business - Empowering stories for Women's Month

Mandy Blignaut

The Financial Mail Private Lounge at Emperor's Palace, in association with Nu Skin, had a conference two weeks back in celebration of Women's Month. The theme was Women in Business. It was extremely inspiring to hear the success stories of female entrepreneurs. I was sitting with so many vivacious inspiring ladies who are doing it for themselves!

There is no reason why you can't become your own boss!
There is no reason you can't have the lifestyle you desire! (You see! The talk rubbed off on me! ;-) )

Women in Business @nuskinza knows how! #womeninbusiness .
.
.#tabledecoration #emperors @emperors_palace https://t.co/gFWvOllXEX pic.twitter.com/e8RNxENVHz

— Karen du Toit (@karentoittoit) August 5, 2017

Check out Nu Skin if you want to do it for yourself, if you have lost your job, or if you want a more flexible arrangement when you have kids. It seems it is possible to get it all! Nu Skin is an international company who provides all the backup for entrepreneurs. It does not seem like it's easy, but it is definitely possible!

Network marketing positively impacts female entrepreneurial undertakings in South Africa #WomenInBusiness @nuskin pic.twitter.com/UvqAHTFTtg

— Karen du Toit (@karentoittoit) August 5, 2017

I met Mandy Blignaut and asked her to answer a few of my questions. She has a Facebook Group The Velvet Vault where she drives her business from.

Celebrate Women - Young cancer survivor Jenna Skews

Twinsaver Celebrate Women in August - Jenna Skews

Twinsaver honours special Women in August with a special edition pack supporting breast cancer survivors by donating a portion of the 9-pack to charity.

The story of  one of the young survivors, Jenna Skews, hits very close to home. Our Eldest also had to deal with finding a lump in her breast. It was a big shock, as we realized that 18 year olds can get breast cancer! The first diagnoses was that is was non-malignant, and that we should not even worry. Luckily we got a second opinion, and now we know that she cannot ignore it, and needs to check it regularly. So far the fibroadenoma has not increased in size, and the hope is that it will disappear after a few years. But we cannot ignore it! It needs to be checked!

Protect your children by not staying

Keep them save from domestic violence #ChildProtection

It is National Child Protection Week this week. We hear about so many violent situations our children are subjected and exposed to. I don't even want to go there, because as a mother you can't stand it when you hear our children are getting hurt.

I also saw some domestic violence cases being reported on in social media. Of women so scared and so lonely and ostracized that they are prisoners in their own homes. I only hope that they will get the courage to leave the situation.

It is never a good idea to stay!
It is never good for the children to stay!
It always gets worse!

My plea is to all mothers stuck in this situation to get out as soon as possible. Make your plans! There will be a safe time to leave! Take your children with you! Ask for help! There will be people in your family and your community who will help you!

You don't know how frustrating it is for the people on the sidelines seeing you suffering and not being able to help! They will step up when you are ready! But they can't help you when you don't ask and when you think you can handle it on your own.

Think of your children! Is this the way you want them to grow up? Living with violence, physical and emotional?

I am so glad I left a previous life! I asked for help! I saved myself and my daughter! Things get better, much sooner than you think! Now it is only a blip in my past, and we are living a life with hope and wonder! To be afraid in your own home is not a way of life!


Would you help someone asking you to help when they are stuck in a domestic violence situation?


There are resources to contact:

Child Protection Week

POWA Get Help

In the spirit of International Women's Day #IWD2016

Women's rights are human rights!

"The story of women's struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist
nor to any one organization
but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights."
-Gloria Steinem

The legacy I want my daughters to make their own #BeautyLegacy

The most recent Dove Beauty Legacy campaign made me think again about the legacy I want my daughters to have! Now, at this very moment!

I want them to know they are beautiful!
Inside!
AND
Outside!

When you are young, you are always looking at the flaws and the shortcomings in the mirror.
You are always  trying to get thinner and fitter and working off the big bum.
Always feeling that you are not the optimal version of the version you think you should be!

Now I know how much time I have spend on these time-wasting thoughts and activities.
I like myself so much more now that I am older. When I think about my younger self I know that I was beautiful already, and I should have spend my time on LIVING!
I am definitely not a more beautiful version of my younger self, but I am happy with who I am now!
I like my big bum because I can SIT on it!  (Thank you Wise Age!)

[For health reasons I need to get rid of a few kilograms, but it won't stop me from fretting about how I look and have an impact on what I am doing!]

I look at all the young girls that is the same age of my two daughters.
They are all beautiful!

I want them to know that, and I want them to live that!
To have the confidence to march out with gusto into Life and know that they are beautiful at that very moment in time!

In the spirit of Women's Day and Month in South Africa!

To my two daughters:
You are strong!
You are beautiful!
You can do whatever you set your mind out to do!
You are the best version of yourself right now!

Do not wait for a photograph years later to say to yourself that you were beautiful all long!
Don't let anybody else tell you something different! Because it will not be true!

I am telling you the truth now!
You are beautiful!

Dove #BeautyLegacy campaign: "The way a girl feels about beauty, starts with the way you feel about yours." - Dr Colinda Linde #quote #Dove

A photo posted by Karen Du Toit (@karentoittoit) on Aug 4, 2015 at 3:48am PDT

Disclaimer: I got the Dove "BeautyLegacy drop.
                  Follow the #BeautyLegacy hashtag to watch the beautiful video and message that goes with it!

Quotes about emotional manipulation

Hero of your own life #quote - Pinterest

I have a friend who seems to be stuck in an emotional manipulative relationship.
She is unhappy, and the relationship is not doing her any good.
She knows it and says she must be going, but she doesn't!

That's all we have been talking about for two years now...

She is worth so much more, but it seems her self-worth has been eroded so much that she can't move!

I so hope she gets herself out of the situation this year!

I though I would collect some quotes and remind her each day how much more her life can be!
(I hope it is not patronising?)


But I feel helpless watching from the sidelines!

Here are some:

- "Stay away from people who make you feel you are hard to love" - extramadness.com

- "You are angry and frustrated when you question your partner about something that's bothering you, because he immediately shifts the focus onto you - it becomes all about your problem with trust or insecurity, while the original question or issue is never addressed." - psychopathsandlove.com

- "If you ever found yourself in the wrong story, leave." - Mo Williams (Loubis-and-champagne)

- "I love the person I've become, because I fought to become her." - Pin from Sayings and Quotes / Unhealthy love

- "The only solution to a controlling relationship could be to break the repetitive cycle and end it!" - The Telegraph


Do you have any quotes for me?

Women's rights in the month of August

Strong Women #quote on Pinterest

Here's to strong women everywhere for the month of August!

And even though you think you are not strong, believe that you are!



The Student pulled out her soapbox, and I so love that she gets this:

"...the responsibility of the extent of the abuse, does not only lie with the abuser, but with you and how much you will allow until you say: ENOUGH!"

Read here:

Millenium Lady: Women's rights in the month of August





So proud of the strong woman she is!

“Is Being a Mother the Most Defining Role a Woman Can Have?” - answers at Mothering in the Middle

Cyma Shapiro of Mothering in the Middle asked: “Is Being a Mother the Most Defining Role a Woman Can Have?”

This was my answer:

“It depends on each person’s values they place on motherhood. I think it is ONE of the MANY defining roles a woman can have! For me, it is a role I am proud of, and which I am daily trying to improve on! The results and the great benefits are the relationships I have with my children, and the people they are and become.”

My two daughters
Photo taken at the recent wedding in the family

The rest of the answers can be found here:
Your Answers: “Is Being a Mother the Most Defining Role a Woman Can Have?”

What is your answer?

Happy Women's Day

Some inspiration from Pinterest!


Hope you have a nice relaxing weekend!

I wore black, and I will be doing it again

I know it doesn't help the people who have died, and the people who have been raped...
But I wore black last Friday!
Powerwoman on her soapbox again!

I believe that it does not really help marching against something, and that it actually just keep on focusing on the negative! Mother Theresa also said that she would always march for peace, but not against violence.

But I wore black in solidarity with everybody who thought and pleaded and shouted against the senseless murders and the senseless rapes of women. Women who most recently got a face through Reeva Steenkamp and Anene Booysen.

Sometimes we need to speak out against something! Something that is not right! Something that is not working in our society!
How can we stand by and only watch when these things are happening?

Some of us are "luckier"or "smarter", and we think we won't be confronted with it.
I was one of them!

I did not know when I got married that I would be afraid in my own home...
That I would put up a fake smile because I was shown a gun with a silencer...
That I would go in hiding because I was afraid of my life and the life of my child...
That I had to tip-toe around my own words, afraid that the wrong word could trigger a violent verbal outburst that would explode...

That's why I am an advocate for initiatives like Speak Out.

There are reasons why you should not stay, and the earlier you acknowledge them and make a decision to not put up with unacceptable behaviour, the better for all!

We are all stronger than we think we are! We can say no! We can walk out! We can stand up, and we can speak out!

We can only make a difference in our own lives, and the lives of those we touch, but one step at a time!
We can do better than this!

We can show our children there are better ways!
Our girls should not tolerate abusive behaviour from their partners.
Our boys should not be shown the way to handle life is with guns and violence!

The only way is by living the way we want to see the world!
We cannot stay in an abusive relationship, and then try teaching our daughters differently!
We cannot keep guns, and live aggressively, and not show compassion. And then think our boys will do it differently!

It starts with us...

Perceptions change

I was reminded about how much we have different perceptions of of ourselves, and that time usually has a very positive filter!

The photo on top was taken about 10 years back, and at the time I thought that I needed a bit of oomph!
My hair was grey(-ing) and it needed a colour, and I was looking off!
(Or so I thought!)

Maybe, in 10 year's time, I will look differently at the bottom photo as well?
(Not happy with it at all, and trying my utmost to hide behind a camera. Most of the time!)

Fortunately the Young Lady does not have anything to complain about!
I hope not! 

You are beautiful, my daughter!

It's time to Shake the world

A global movement in support of Millennium Development Goals: 

It is time to Shake the World!

The United Nations formulated Millennium Development Goals in 2000 to be reached by 2015. 

Eight goals have been formulated with practical solutions to some of our world's most pressing issues.

The 8 goals are the following:

1. "Eradicate extreme poverty and hunger"

2. "Achieve universal primary education"

3. "Promote gender equality and empower women"

4. "Reduce child mortality"

5. "Improve maternal health"

6. "Combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases"

7.  "Ensure environmental sustainability"

8. "A global partnership for development"

It seems like such unattainable goals. But I like the fact that they have identified a few practical & fun tips that can help to reach the MDGs, which makes it far more attainable. Every step in the right direction is a step to the better!

For example, the first tip for Goal 1 is to support fair trade:

"LOVE TRADE NOT AID, CREATE JOBS AND WEAR THE BRACELET
Help others and look good yourself" - Shake the World

It is something that we can do as well. Buy the bracelet, and support the female crafters of a fair trade producer in South Africa. Buy your bracelet at stores like Edgars, or keep a lookout for it.

Tips and tricks of how you Shaked the World can be shared as well on social media and on the website: Shake the World

How do you shake the world? #hdystw

SABC Radio station SAFM took part in the initiative as well today. That is where I bought my bracelets.

I always get excited when I see positive steps in making our world a better place! 

I would much rather rave about this, than raving about a painting or the traffic or why I am excited that it is a Friday again!

Happy weekend!

Where's Powerwoman?

The person who has lots of go, and energy, and activism, and health, and believes in so many things...

It feels like I lost my edge. I have lost Powerwoman!

 It must be there somewhere, but how do I switch back on the Powerwoman button?

I know my mojo disappeared with lost sleep, and a crying baby... It still feels like I am reeling after a very traumatic incident! I don’t know how people do it baby after baby? (*Bowing!*)

I did some checking, but it is definitely not burnout. Most of the points mentioned here is not how I feel at the moment. I actually still love my work and my personal life. But I know I need to give more attention to my health!

The burnout checklist:

• Feel emotionally and physically exhausted all the time.
• Want to be left alone.
• Haven't got the energy or interest in the things you used to do.
• Feel sad for no apparent reason.
• You are irritable and snap at people.
• Get into conflicts.
• Use alcohol and/or drugs to feel better.
• Work hard but accomplish little.
• Dissatisfied with work.
• Feel frustrated with work.
• Don't have much to look forward to in work.
• Have trouble sleeping because of worrying about work.
• Worry about work during off hours.
• Feelings about work interfere with personal life.

I like the suggestions they have for coping with burnout. That I can definitely incorporate into my life more. Especially the spa experience! (Hint-hint!)

Coping with Burnout (Burnout checklist)

• If you are in a toxic work environment, you'd better get out of it asap.
• Take time off - go on vacation, use up your sick days.
• Decide what you are going to do and act on it.
• If possible, take early retirement.
• Make sure you are eating healthy.
• Get enough sleep.
• Spend some time with people who are positive.
• Get involved in a cause that is meaningful to you.
• Make sure you have an outlet for your emotions e.g. a pet.
• Spend some time each day in quiet meditation.
• Treat yourself to a spa experience.
• Plan your time so you are not always in a rush.
• Learn to laugh. 

Amen to all!

Any more ideas on how to switch back on Powerwoman?

A fairytale after 50

A friend of mine got married. Nothing new there! Except that she is over 50, and that she got married for the very first time in her life!

I am so glad that I got to know a real life fairytale story. She is a person who enjoys her life, and did everything she wanted to do! And she is still working on her bucket list!

I love the fact that she met the right man, and felt that it was necessary to get married to him. That commitment needs to be sealed with a marriage certificate!

I know over 50 people who are the “breathing dead” already... 

Not Carina! She runs on a regular basis, and you could still find her and her husband walking kilometres on a Saturday for exercise! 

I met her through studies, and we both talked each other in doing our Master degrees.  She completed her Masters two years ago! (I did not!)

We used to meet each other over lunch, each time at a new restaurant to check out the venue and food. It is more difficult now to meet because of work commitments, but hopefully we will still fit in a lunch date here and there... (Hint!)

She loves travelling, and wine. Something she shares now with her new husband!

She is such an inspiration to me! 

Carina and Wynand, may you have a stunning life together!

Three things that I do not forgive!

Ever! I slot it all under the heading of domestic violence!

(I am aware that women can also be guilty...)

• Cheating on your wife

When you overstep the boundaries of the promise you made to each other, you violate the relationships with your wife AND your children.
Even though you patch it up again, the relationship will never be the same again...

• Treating your wife badly, especially when she needs you the most!

The whole range of domestic violence comes to play here – emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, neglect, threats, violence, discolouring the atmosphere as soon as you walk in the door, not helping with the kids...

• Not contributing financially towards your own children!

I have written about this before: Time for the soapbox - financial responsibilities.

 
I do not forgive you and I do not like you!
(I am black-and-white like that)

We don’t have to be quiet about domestic violence!
It is not acceptable! Never!
We should not let the perpetrators get away with it by being hush-hush!



This is it, from Powerwoman for today!