Soap box - Get out! Get out! Get out!

The ongoing Oscar Pistorius muder trial is a perfect example of what should not be happening in relationships. I have been giving unsolicited advice to anybody who's listening. My poor daughter especially, and she doesn't even need it! Sorry!

I still hear from my daughter that her fellow students and friends are staying in relationships that are degrading and unhappy. The girls keep on going back to their boyfriends who make them unhappy and make them feel less worthy!

My only advice is to walk away as soon as possible!
(I have personal experience - a previous life, a very very long time ago - and realised only afterwards that I should have seen the warning signs!)

You should not stay in a relationship where you are:
(Even if only for 10% of the time...)

- Feeling unsafe or scared.

- Being made to feel less worthy.

- Guns are recklessly used. 

- Extreme jealousy.

- Told what to wear and what to say and how to behave.

- Not treated like a lady!


I wish all the girls to know that it is up to them to change the situation.
You have the power to stop it by not accepting bad behaviour, and by getting out!


Related posts:

- Reasons why you should not stay

- Blog directory of healing through storytelling

- Rose with thorns


Picture: "Gun" Microsoft clip art

Walk away

Culprit chasing off

We witnessed a scene yesterday. It was through the window of a restaurant, and we did not know if we were supposed to duck, or to keep on watching to see what was going to happen...

Cars came to a screeching halt in the parking area. A young boy (I don't think he is a man, especially judging by his behaviour) jumped out of his car (the yellow car without number plates).
He was wildly waving his arms, and brandishing a gun in the one hand at the family in the white Merc (see car in back of photo).

His girlfriend was running around the car, and pushing and shoving him back into the car, while he was running towards the other car with the gun! She managed to get him back in the car, and they chased off!

It was very scary! As easy as that to wave a gun at other people...

The only thing I could tell my eldest daughter: If you ever ever find yourself in such a situation... Where guns are being used to threaten other people...

Walk away immediately! Get out of the car, and walk off! Phone somebody else to come and fetch you!

Walk away!

She totally agrees with me!
She said that she would not even tolerate a gun in her home!

It was very scary!

I wore black, and I will be doing it again

I know it doesn't help the people who have died, and the people who have been raped...
But I wore black last Friday!
Powerwoman on her soapbox again!

I believe that it does not really help marching against something, and that it actually just keep on focusing on the negative! Mother Theresa also said that she would always march for peace, but not against violence.

But I wore black in solidarity with everybody who thought and pleaded and shouted against the senseless murders and the senseless rapes of women. Women who most recently got a face through Reeva Steenkamp and Anene Booysen.

Sometimes we need to speak out against something! Something that is not right! Something that is not working in our society!
How can we stand by and only watch when these things are happening?

Some of us are "luckier"or "smarter", and we think we won't be confronted with it.
I was one of them!

I did not know when I got married that I would be afraid in my own home...
That I would put up a fake smile because I was shown a gun with a silencer...
That I would go in hiding because I was afraid of my life and the life of my child...
That I had to tip-toe around my own words, afraid that the wrong word could trigger a violent verbal outburst that would explode...

That's why I am an advocate for initiatives like Speak Out.

There are reasons why you should not stay, and the earlier you acknowledge them and make a decision to not put up with unacceptable behaviour, the better for all!

We are all stronger than we think we are! We can say no! We can walk out! We can stand up, and we can speak out!

We can only make a difference in our own lives, and the lives of those we touch, but one step at a time!
We can do better than this!

We can show our children there are better ways!
Our girls should not tolerate abusive behaviour from their partners.
Our boys should not be shown the way to handle life is with guns and violence!

The only way is by living the way we want to see the world!
We cannot stay in an abusive relationship, and then try teaching our daughters differently!
We cannot keep guns, and live aggressively, and not show compassion. And then think our boys will do it differently!

It starts with us...