A discussion about fear

This morning out of the blue I heard the small voice from the back of the car...( I thought she was still sleeping while we were driving to school.)

"I do not have to be afraid (she calls it "skrikkerig" in Afrikaans), because God looks after me!"

I don't know where this statement is coming from, but I confirmed that she has no need to be afraid.
She also said that when she was a baby, she was not as fearful than she is now.

I hope I could convey to her that it is not necessary to be afraid.
(What can I say more than she is safe with us and that there is no reason for her to be afraid?)

I have seen that she is apprehensive and reticent when meeting new people. Last night a friend of my daughter came to visit, and Mieka demanded to be picked up and held when the girl arrived.
She gets almost frantic until she gets picked up! (As if she is in some kind of danger...)

The other definite fearful trigger is of course not wanting to be left alone, and not wanting to sleep alone. She wakes up screaming when she finds herself alone in her bed. And she calls out to us!

I remember being very afraid when I was small, and the eldest also had trouble with the dark.

We try our utmost to go to her, and sleep with her, and we do not leave her on her own. I know how scary it can be lying on your own (I can still recall my own fear of the dark), feeling as if strapped down by the arms (ghosts) in the dark.

I hope we can help her to overcome it sooner rather than later.

It seems all of us go though this phase?

Smurf-a-fear

The Smurf came to visit at a nearby trading store.

We went to show The Toddler!
We drove there!
Out of our way!
Especially for her!

When we came near, she exclaimed: "Ek wil hom nie he nie!" - I do not want him!

While walking around in the store, she wanted to go and see it again.
Only to cry again and declaring the same! Again...


This is a reminder to my daughter of the stuff we did for you!
(One day when you read this!)

Seemingly unsupported fears in toddlers

The past two weeks have been a bit of a struggle with regards bath time. The toddler says each time it is “warm” which mean too hot! It is impossible that we make it too hot, because we have a small temperature meter that we use.

She used to love her bath time, and we are always very careful not to use the word “bath” if we are not ready to go and bath her. Because she starts climbing the stairs as soon as we announce it’s time for her bath...

Not now! All of a sudden she is afraid it is going to be too hot, and she doesn’t want to get into the bath. When I put her in, she doesn’t want to sit down. And washing of hair has become a big screaming session!

I tried to take it very slow tonight. I made sure the temperature of the water was even beneath the correct temperature reading. It was a cold bath! And I put in some bubbles.

I let her stand, and focused on the bubbles and toy boats being covered by the bubbles. She was still upset with me when I washed her hair, but enjoyed the bubbles. In the end she was sitting in the bath, not wanting to get out...

It reminded me again of how easy it is - on me and on her - when I try to address her fears in a natural way, and not forcing her to sit down in a bath when she doesn’t want to... I could have screamed at her, or I could have given her a hiding for not wanting to bath. But not I nor she had to get upset at each other. I much rather prefer this way of parenting!

Fears that toddlers/children have, may seem unreasonable to us, but it must have some foundation. Rather address the fears in a natural and non-confrontational manner, than not acknowledging them at all...