How do you know that you are caught in a domestic violence situation?

The month of October is a month where we reflect on domestic violence.
There are always ALWAYS other options available to us!

You don't have to live like this!!

Sometimes we ignore the signs, and we say to ourselves that it is not so bad!
He's sorry and he won't do it again!
Until the next time when it's worse...

Please! You are worth more than he makes you feel! You are worth getting out of there, and living the life you  planned for yourself!


If you answer YES to any of these questions, you are a domestic violence victim.

* Has your partner or ex-partner ever hit you or physically hurt you?

*Has he ever threatened to hurt you or someone close to you?

*Does your partner ever try to control you by threatening to hurt you or your family?

*Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn't want to? Has he ever refused to practice safe sex?

*Has he/she ever tried to restrict you freedom or keep you from doing things that were important to you? (like going to school, working, seeing your friends or family)

*Does your partner frequently belittle you, insult you, and blame you?

*Do you feel controlled or isolated by your partner?

*Do you ever feel afraid of you partner? Do you feel like you are in danger? Is it safe for you to go home?

*Is your partner jealous? Does he frequently accuse you of infidelity?



You don't have to stay a victim. You CAN get out of there!!

A long long time ago in a different lifetime I also could say yes to many of these questions!
I got out of there, and I have never looked back!
I now know that I was only one who could change things!
Nobody else could help me before I decided I wanted help!


I found the questions here: Womanspace: Screening Questions
(There are tons of websites on the Internet)

Word cloud: Wordclouds

A discussion about fear

This morning out of the blue I heard the small voice from the back of the car...( I thought she was still sleeping while we were driving to school.)

"I do not have to be afraid (she calls it "skrikkerig" in Afrikaans), because God looks after me!"

I don't know where this statement is coming from, but I confirmed that she has no need to be afraid.
She also said that when she was a baby, she was not as fearful than she is now.

I hope I could convey to her that it is not necessary to be afraid.
(What can I say more than she is safe with us and that there is no reason for her to be afraid?)

I have seen that she is apprehensive and reticent when meeting new people. Last night a friend of my daughter came to visit, and Mieka demanded to be picked up and held when the girl arrived.
She gets almost frantic until she gets picked up! (As if she is in some kind of danger...)

The other definite fearful trigger is of course not wanting to be left alone, and not wanting to sleep alone. She wakes up screaming when she finds herself alone in her bed. And she calls out to us!

I remember being very afraid when I was small, and the eldest also had trouble with the dark.

We try our utmost to go to her, and sleep with her, and we do not leave her on her own. I know how scary it can be lying on your own (I can still recall my own fear of the dark), feeling as if strapped down by the arms (ghosts) in the dark.

I hope we can help her to overcome it sooner rather than later.

It seems all of us go though this phase?

Quirky toddler behaviour of the weekend

We think some of the things the toddler do are very strange, but apparently there is nothing abnormal about any of the behaviours. I was just reading Baby Zone, and now I won’t be thinking again that we have an abnormal toddler. Everything goes in Toddlerville!

The toddler and swimming

The toddler enjoyed “swimming” this weekend. NOT in her baby pool, but next to it. Playing with water and containers of any sort is the best toddler activity EVER! Notice the potty. It has not been used yet for what it is supposed to be doing…

The toddler had a ball drinking the water from the pool. She was carrying it to and from the pool, and pouring the water in other containers again.

The toddler is scared of the thunder

We had some thunder and lightning and some quick showers here. We get very excited, because it signals the start of our summer rains. It is very dry on this side of the world.

But the toddler is not impressed. She gets very scared. We noticed last night that she quickly came to sit next to us, and the next moment she was on my lap. We noticed that she had her eyes closed, and she would not open it again while the thunder was going on. It was some sort of blessing, because I soothed her by breastfeeding her and she went to sleep for the night! Poor thing!

We will keep trying to tell her that it is not something to be afraid of, because it signals the rain for us….

The toddler is 21 months

21 months on 21st September. The toddler is being more Ms Personality with every day passing. The teen exclaims a couple of times a day: “She is so funny!”


Some of the CUTE toddler things at 21 months:

Mieka knows how to say an indignant NO! When the dog bugs her, or takes her food. On the play ground with other children. She stands her own. This past Sunday we had to disengage her from boys much older than her. She was playing with some toys when two other boys wanted to come and take over. She was voicing her displeasure very loudly! Even though she was much smaller, she did not budge holding on. “No! Stout!” (naughty)

She has a strong sense of righteousness already. She gets very upset when it seems threatened. It happens quite a lot nowadays...

The toddler seems to be getting afraid of imagined things. She was staying at my parents’ house the other night. They have a sky light. Mieka was clinging to my mom every time they went past it. My mother tried to explain that they could see the stars through it... I see the same behaviour when we look at the stars when I try to get her to sleep. The shadows on the wall also get her very upset. I am not allowed to switch off the bed light when we go to sleep at night. She complains until it is switched on again.

The big bed has been a great sleep-saver! It seems all of us are getting more sleep. We start on our bed and carry her to her bed when we go to sleep later at night. When she wakes, I usually go to her bed and breastfeed her back to sleep. It works! (Yeah!)

Breastfeeding continues to be such a joy! She asks me for Boo-Boo! When she is nursing, she asks “Mamma?” which I think that she is trying to work out how it all fits together. The breasts are Mama’s. She usually points to my nose as well, and I have to confirm with a “Mamma!” After which she points to her nose, and I tell her “Mieka’s nose!”

She loves loves being outside. When the door opens up, she is there! Just this morning we struggled to get her back into the house when the teen gave food to the dog...

The toddler is a bundle of fun! We love you, little one!

Related post:
The toddler is 20 months

Our little girl has become afraid

Something of the scared little face that we see...

Lately we have noticed that we have to watch what is showing on television. We have to keep our fingers on the alt button. Even stuff that we think is not worth mentioning makes our little one afraid.


She sees an ugly face, or a strange creature, sometimes even a “funny” face, and she looks at us with eyes full of fright! I was not even aware of how many strange things are being shown on television. Our days are filled with abnormal apparitions: a devil with red horns, an ugly face on a clay tablet, and a man with tattoos on his face... We are being bombarded with it!

The thing is – as soon as she has seen it, she has seen it. You can’t undo an image in the mind... We will have to be extremely careful from now on!

This is most probably where the stage of being afraid is coming into play. I used to be a very scared little girl myself. I remember being in my bed when I was small; not able to move because of being scared. The teen also used to sleep with a night light, and to this day she does not watch any scary movies. We have a rule: we rather do not look at something when we get the inclination it is going to be scary. We change the stations!

From now on: we will change stations even more quickly!

How do we teach them to not be afraid? Is it possible to do it, or is it a normal phase in development?